What do you do about a controling soon-to-be-mother-in-law?

Question

I love my boyfriend ever since highschool. We've been together for nearly four years. When I first met his mother she was real nice, but since she figured out the the two of us were really serious about each other, she goes behind my back and complains about every littel thing that I do. About where I work, how my parents have raised such a terrible daughter. I have confronted her on many times and she jjst says that she never said it and that her son doesn't know what he's talking about. He has his own apartment, but she call every moring to tell him about what her little dog did the other day. When she comes over she complains about my housekeeping and that I don't take care of her son as good as she does. I love my boyfriend with all that I am and I know that he loves me. I am just so clueless on what to do about this situation with her. What should I do?

Answer 1

You be amazingly polite; after all, she raised the man you love. Don't gossip about her, don't complain to your family about her - nothing like that. Just try your best to be sweet even if it nauseates you terribly. Do this for your bf.

Answer 2

You do NOT get married until your husband-to-be understands that he is no longer "mommy's little boy" once you take your vows, he is YOUR HUSBAND. If the marriage does not take first priority with him, you are in for a rough ride and a miserable future. If he refuses to put you first (even when you're wrong - and there will be times when that is the case), she will be able to ruin your marriage. But HE needs to be the one to remind her of her place. Marriage is to be THE most important relationship on earth once that committment has been made and those vows have been taken. It takes priority over EVERYTHING. Lovingly but firmly tell her that it is time to LET GO. If she won't, then the two of you need to move as far away from her as possible, if it's possible for you to do that. Otherwise, you and your boyfriend should discuss some ground rules for "in-laws" and stick to them. If he won't support you by putting your marriage first, then tell him he can sleep with his mommy! GOOD LUCK!

Ephesians 5:31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."

Answer 3

She'll eventually push him into a corner to where he'll feel like he has to choose between the 2 of you. That's just what my monsterinlaw did. The thing they fail to realize is that the girlfriend/fiance/wife will always end up the winner in these situations. You just have to make sure your fiance tells her in no uncertain terms that he will not tolerate her talking about you or being mean or rude to you. Trust me on this...you want him to do this now rather than later. Things had reached a boiling point with my MIL before mine would say anything and by that point I had snapped and told her EXACTLY what I thought of her. You don't want things to go that far believe me! So pretty much you shouldn't do anything but your fiance definetly needs to. However don't let her come to your house and talk bad about you. If she starts doing that you need to make an excuse as to why she needs to leave right then. No one should be disrespected in their house and just because you're about to marry her son does NOT mean you have to put up with that.

Answer 4

First of all, there are times to stick up for yourself and times to just be the bigger person and let some of it go. Choose your "battles" wisely. In addition, you didn't mention if your boyfriend ever defends you against his mother. I mean, yes, this is his mother, and he's known her all his life. However, if you two are going to get married, you need to calmly let him know how some of her comments make you feel and ask him to discuss this with his mother and advise her they are unacceptable. If he will do this, and his mother understands that her unacceptable behavior translates into less time spent with her, this should help persuade her to change her ways. Don't ask him to choose between the two of you, but if he won't stick up for you, you'll have a tough road ahead.

I've been married for 24 years, and intially, my mother-in-law, (even though she encouraged her son and I to date) was a little controlling. I did choose my battles and didn't back down on what I considered to be the important issues. Both she and I gave a little, and we have forged a very good friendship. I believe she now considers me to be almost as much a daughter as my husband is her son.

Answer 5

Oh boy do you have a problem!!! Your not even married yet and she's pulling this crap, I am a mother-in-law so I know what I am talking about. Your boyfriend is the one that has to stand up to his controlling mother and tell her to back off. It's the only thing that will stop her. If he truly loves you, he won't let his mother talk to you or about you to him, that is very disrespectfull. He is the one that has to step in and confront her. I raised two sons myself and believe me sometimes mothers are crazy when it comes to their sons and they think NO women on earth would be good for them. So I would leave it up to him. I would not get married until this gets resolved and if it doesn't get resolved move away from her otherwise you will always be trying to live up to her and you won't be able to. Good luck sweetie...

Answer 6

This is your fiance's problem or at least it should be. If you're getting married and he's not standing up for you, you're in for a rough ride. Explain to your fiance that you deserve to be treated with respect and will tolerate nothing less. If he can't stand up to his mother, you'll know you will always come second.
Quit confronting her. As you can see you're getting no where with it and it only fuels the fire. Just try to rise above it until your fiance grows some sack and demand his mother treat you well.

Answer 7

From my experience stand your ground. If you give an inch they run like a dog on crack for mile. My inlaws quetioned me about how I was to raise my children suport my family and do there little talking set. I let it be known that there aint a one of them big enough. they need to keep there mouth shut or I will shut it for them. An the same went with my mother. she talked down to my wife and talk crap about her I put a stop to that as well. No one has the right to rag on ones better half. and a man makes a stand for his other. no matter who it its. I say just light her world up with a good tounge lashing. other words it aint going to get better.

Answer 8

You need to let her know up front that her being welcome in Your home depends on the criticism stopping. You are what he wants and she has no right comparing You to anyone especially herself. Letting her know You will not tolerate further jabs should help. Settle it with your boyfriend by laying the cards on the table and You should make it clear You do not want to be a ***** but her taking shots at You will not be permitted.

Answer 9

mothers have a way of never thinking their daughter in law is good enough for their sons. the thing is if she liked you when she met you and you and you b/f have been together for awhile what changed?i agree with the other answer never bad mouth his mom that gains you no points.

Answer 10

Realize that this momma's boy, non veteran is going to be just that, Always under his mothers wing. Get ready to play second fiddle to this woman for as long as your with this imbecile! My advice, STRONGLY advise this pansy that he now has a girlfriend, and if things don"t change, your going to find a REAL man! Oh, by the way, did you know that I am single???????