my boyfriends x from 4 years ago has resurfaced and wants to be "friends" with him now. He has only told me he ugliest things about her, like how she broke his heart, cheated on him, took money from him. Now she wants him back in her life and he wants her back in his. He assures me theres nothing there, but they are now talking to eachother daily and it bothers me...he has told me that even though he doesnt want to stop talking to her he will for me, but he'll be doing that only because we keep fighting about it. He really really wants to maintain a friendship with her and he keeps talking about how bad he wants to see her. I dont know how to feel or react. It's causing so many problems between us because i constantly catch him checking his emails to see if she wrote. what should i do...all my girl friends say that they would never let their man talk to their old girlfriends, but i dont want to tell him what to do.
2007-03-12 09:10:04 · 16 answers · asked by andigirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to be one of those women. Of course the "ex" wants him back - why else would she have contacted him? to be "friends" c'mon! We all know that's a load of dungwhoha! The fact that he seems to be showing interests in having contact with her after everything she did to him, tells me, he never really "got over her completely" and that puts YOUR relationship with him in danger. He's got to choose between you or the ex. He can't have both.
Good luck!
2007-03-12 09:23:16 · answer #1 · answered by f w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, occasionally, but VERY RARELY people can still be friends after a relationship, but if what you say is the way its happening..........doesn't sound good for you.
1. Your boyfriend WANTS her in his life. He, obviously, never got over her. He just temporarily moved on.
2. If you tell your boyfriend that he cant be friends with her
that will just end up causing problems with you. He doesnt
see that you are worried for him........he sees that you dont trust him.
3. Unfortunately, the ex is PROBABLY going to win this one and that is EXTREMELY sad because she is only wants back into his life because she is lonely and knows he will be there for her.
I would say............sure, you can be friends with her.
I would REALLY like to meet this girl who you are so very fond of. Lets get together..........that way you can meet the girl and go from there. Or depending on how long you have been with him...........I would probably count my losses and move on.
2007-03-12 09:33:04 · answer #2 · answered by Trish 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would have to agree with you on this one. Because one he was madly in love with her and she broke his heart. Although, I think that ex's can be friends sometimes you just get a bad feeling about people, and this seems to be one of them. Because of the way he constantly checks his e-mails and phone. I would tell him that he makes you feel uncomfortable because he gets so "into" waiting to hear from her. Speak your peace girl. I know that you don't want to tell him what to do because Men should be able to make up there own minds, but also ask him how he would feel if the shoe was reversed and it was you and and old boyfriend. See what the outcome of that is.
2007-03-12 09:18:58 · answer #3 · answered by In love with Life 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't make yourself so available. Let him know it's you or her. Be firm and make him choose. If he can't decide just leave and if he really likes you he will contact you and make the sacrifice of giving up the ex. If he knows you are going to deal with it, he is most likely going to keep up the relationship, because he must still have feelings. Dont' give him the option of having both of you.
2007-03-12 09:19:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you are right to not want to tell him what to do. You don't own him and he doesn't belong to anyone. If you are in a loving committed relationship then he should have all your trust. There is nothing you can do to prevent him from going back with her all you can do is continue to push him a way by arguing with him about it. At the same time you are making yourself crazy with all the possibility's going through your head.
2007-03-12 09:47:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she was as horrible as he said, he wouldn't want her back in his life at all. It sounds as though he still has feelings for her, sorry. Let him know that you are not comfortable with his relationship with her and maybe take some time away from him. If he tells you he has stopped seeing her, he may be seeing her behind your back. Personally, I would question whether or not he is worth it.
2007-03-12 09:24:40 · answer #6 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is no good reason for him to maintain a relationship with his ex. No good can come from it. You must put your foot down and make sure he understands that this evil ****** could harm his current functioning relationship. You are right in listening to all the warning bells that are currently going off in your head.
2007-03-12 09:16:56 · answer #7 · answered by Devdude 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
then the girlfriends you have have some trust issues.i am friends with very few of my ex's but that's my choice not that my current mate demands it but my spouse is friends with alot of ex's i am friends with some of them myself lol i know it might sound like playing with fire to your girlfriends but i think its fine to be friends if there is trust and commitment in your relationship then why worry shes an ex that means the past.he might have told you awful things about her he was mad or hurt or both when he told you those stories but now he is past the hurt and wants to talk to her i would not worry,your right to not tell him what to do it might backfire but there is nothing wrong with talking to him and telling him about your concerns
2007-03-12 09:27:22 · answer #8 · answered by patbgone 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Occasionally, hopefully very rarely, it IS necessary for someone to tell one's SO what to do. My wife has had to do it to me once or twice. Let's face it, as human beings, we all sometimes have blind spots. If another person, a person who cares about us, can point out our blind spots and help us avoid tripping because of them, then we have been done a favor. Tell him what to do. You'll be glad you did, and if he has any capacity for insight at all, he will one day be glad you did too.
2007-03-12 09:18:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
if they were in a serious relationship then, NO, it's not o.k. i don't think it's possible to "just be friends" w/ someone that you've been in a serious relationship w/, there's ALWAYS the thought of "what might have been" or "what would've happened if..." your guy might be the exception to that, but if your havin' problems, trust your heart & don't sacrifice YOUR happines.
2007-03-12 09:19:39 · answer #10 · answered by MaMaMiLaJo 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋