I feel My frnd used me and this thought is killing me. please help!?

Question

I started avoiding my frnd who had least interest in talking to me and whenevr she talks i felt like she was doing a favour on me.
She talks to me always abt her problems and when I tell my probs she shows least interest. She wants my ear to listen to her and my shoulder to cry on but never gives me the same.
I cared alot for her but now I stopped caring for her and I think she realised it but it seems to have no effect on her. I feel used by her.
She says I'm her best frnd but I dont think so.
It seems she will not mind losing me it seems she has no interest in maintainig the frndshp but she talks to me when she need some1 to talk abt her prblms.
What do I do? I thought distance would make her miss me but Its not working.
Please give me some advice. I think this frndshp is coming to an end but b4 that I want to make her realise that she is on mistake. We meet rarely. I am in contact with her only via calls and emails.
please please help! I cant talk direct with her abt prob

Answer 1

Egomaniac. That's what your friend sounds like. Its all about her. She realizes your desire for the friendship and is basically using that against you. The only person the friendship is really affecting is you. If she cared enough about you, she wouldn't be responding the way that she does. You have to take a stance for your own emotions and walk away. She may know that its bothering you more than her, but stay strong just the same. There are plenty of people out here that will value your friendship far better than her. Think outside the box. There is a whole new world out there. Make sure you are careful when choosing the next friend. Remember, true friends are like love, once you find it, you can never get rid of it. Its always a beautiful thing when its shared.

Answer 2

It's sad, but you have come to a critical realisation about this friendship - it's one-sided. All in her favour. This lady doesn't want a friend in the truest, purest sense of the world - she wants a doormat, a lapdog that can make appropriately sympathetic noises, a piece of plasticene with ears.

You are absolutely right to put some distance between yourself and this self-centred creature. My suggestion: don't bother contacting her. Let her contact you instead. And start looking out for other friends. It sounds like you have a lot to give - the fact that your pal doesn't appreciate it is her loss.

Answer 3

Probably most of us have a friend who behaves likewise. Particular irritation with a certain one of my friends is she continually talks, most about her daughter who is a really nice girl but she bums her load about the girl and if she heard her would die off. However even if you want her to listen to you about a worry or something important as you get your word in suddenly she has to go off the phone or if with you time to go etc. You are right your friendship is probably reaching it's end but let it go, don't hold malice and try to get her to see her mistake. In years to come you never know how you could be up again in general company. You will know you don't want involved too much with her again but at least there will not be any awkwardness that you had a head to head last time you met.

Answer 4

Maybe you should try talking to her or writing a letter and emailing it to her about it maybe she doesn't realize that she does it. If you put your feelings out there and made them known to her maybe she'll realize what a great friend you've been and what a lousy one she's been. If she doesn't change then I would say that you should find a new friend who will listen to your problems when you need it. Friendship is a two way relationship and if one person just keeps taking I personally don't think that person is worth it.

Answer 5

This girl is calling you her best friend because you are giving her what a real friend should- a shoulder to cry on, listening, etc....Why are you giving her these things if she cant do the same for you? Find someone who would appreciate your friendship. Good luck!

Answer 6

i think you should drop this Friend like a hot potato shes too self centered to even care about how you feel why put so much effort into this friendship maybe you should be on the look out for a new best freind

Answer 7

I can really empathise with this one. Friends can hurt you so much.
How would you feel about putting this straight to her e.g 'I get the feeling that while you are happy to tell me your problems, you seem bored when I tell you mine. I find this really hurtful.'
I have had a lot of friendships like this and it is damaging. Part of it is standing up for yourself and telling people what you need or want from them.
As for this friendship, you seem divided about what you think you ought to do. Ask yourself is this friendship making me feel good about myself or is it undermining me?
If you think it is making you less confident about yourself, then do what your brain is telling you to do, and keep her at a distance..

Answer 8

I think the word is selfish. When you only care about a person when it serves your needs, otherwise you could care less about others problems.

Does'nt mean she is using you, it's just means that what she is.