What is wrong with her introducing me to her fiance"? I want to know who this man is that she is forcing onto my son...is he a nut case...she has been hiding him even when I asked...this has been going on for a long time now..even when I told her to let me know if she ever met someone so "we can be on the same page together"...why is a man none of my business who is imposing his beliefs on my son...are we as parents always wanting to know who our children's friends are...why doesn't it apply here....especially when my son senses something not right...and neither do I...people say it's none of my business...I think it is my business...it is my son...I am not trying to impose on my ex's relationship.,..it is about my son...why shouldn't I have a right to know who this man is? The ex won't introduce us...and I have asked 3 times....now she is engaged...
2007-03-12 09:04:35 · 14 answers · asked by RealEYES 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We both have joint legal and joint residential custody...I am not saying or implying I have a right to intrude on HER life...it is my son's well being and how this guy affects him...now having trouble in school...he tells me he doesn't like the guy...he doesn't trust the guy...am I to wait for something physical to happen...is his mind and heart and soul more important than a broken arm?
2007-03-12 09:36:35 · update #1
people here are jumping to so many conclusions...stalker? abusive...jealous...controlling...my ex wife abducted my son froma loving home to a foriegn country...I went through the hell getting him back...then she filed divorce out of defense...she lied for years...she has lied to our son...to me..courts...lawyers..I do not trust her judgement...lying has become an everyday occurence for her..funny..she even spelled her fiance's name wrong...we were open to eachother during the divorce...and after...sahring holidays and events with our son...then all of a sudden she hires a lawyer after 3 years...she demands silence..no talking...curbside pick up...garnish my wages..unsubstantiated allegations...tries for custody twice and fails..then the guy comes out of the woodwork...and is forcing him upon my son...going on dates with her...when he didn't want to go...the guy sleeping in the small apartment when my son is there...I live 5 mins away...he can stay with me...she says NO...he has options
2007-03-12 10:12:35 · update #2
You know what.. the more details you give even after 2 other questions, I can finally see what you are getting at. I really do feel for you. I guess because I have custody of my two boys it is hard to see it from the other perspective sometimes and I know if I didn't have full control over my sons everyday routines I would ALSO want to know who this person is that is around him all the time and what the big deal is about keeping him a secret. For her to be SO against you even knowing who this man is is definitely something to be concerned about, especially if she plans on making him the step father. I think it might be something you will have to bring up in court - I don't know what else you can possibly do. Don't you know any of her friends that might be able to get you some information? I don't think you are being vindictive, I think you just want to know who your child is being exposed to and I do believe you have that right if she is going to make her relationship with him legal. If you at least have his name you would be able to do a background check on him. I hope you and your son will be able to resolve this in a civil manner so he can go back to being a kid.
2007-03-13 06:03:30 · answer #1 · answered by Tink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reality check time... you have no say over who your ex gets involved with. She can date and marry whoever she wants. As the custodial parent, she is the one who decides about who gets to be in the household and you lost your say over the matter when you got divorced. Pretty tough to swallow, but that's life.
Now the reality is that even if you get to meet this man (and that depends solely on the good will of your ex), and you don't like him, what are you going to do? Not that the man is a criminal or a pedophile, but you just don't like him. Or he's a different religion. Or a different race? Do you drag your kid into a nasty court battle over it?
I read your posting very carefully and how you're phrasing things is pretty telling... "imposing his beliefs on my son". What beliefs? And as for her rebuffing your demands to meet her fiance, she does not have to introduce you. If you both are not on good terms and you are demanding rather than asking then I don't blame her.
It's funny, when my brother divorced, he got into a serious relationship and remarried pretty early on, but when my ex-sister-in-law started dating, my brother began to get upset that another man was going to be around his children. I'm telling you the same thing I told him... if raising your child in the same household meant so much, then perhaps divorcing wasn't the right thing to do. Life moves on, and unless you have some kind of proof that this guy is a physical threat to your children, you don't get a lot of say over stuff like this.
2007-03-12 09:25:52 · answer #2 · answered by Ravanne_1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should know who the guy is, what he does, what he is about, etc, but you actually shouldn't have a right to say who she can or can't be married to. All you can do is go to court and get custody and if this guy turns out to be a really bad influence on your son. I would also make it clear that if this man in any way hurts your son, there will be hell to pay.
2007-03-12 09:21:25 · answer #3 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to know the man who will be having a huge influence on your son's life. You are not asking to much. Try to reason with your wife. Ask her how would she feel if you were the one getting married. Wouldn't she want to know what type of woman her son would be spending time with?
Just be reasonable. Don't act pissy and be grown up about the meeting. You're doing this for your son. If you do it for any other reason, you're doing it for the wrong reason. Good luck.
2007-03-12 09:11:11 · answer #4 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In the first place NO-ONE could limit my guarding my children from others. The ex can do what she wants but if necessary I would hire a detective to find out all there is about anyone with 24 hour access to my children. The majority of sexual abuse of children comes from those preying on children with weak mothers. There is an entire class of pedophiles that specializes in striking up relationships with women just to get at the children. Talk to your son and find out how things are, do not question what goes on with the ex but only between your son and Him. Tell Your son that YOU WILL ALWAYS be there for him and he can talk about anything with you. That is very important.
2007-03-12 09:13:57 · answer #5 · answered by mr conservative 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you are asking to much. You have your son's welfare in mind. If it were for your own jealous reasons, than I would say move on as she has. If your son senses something wrong, than you have every reason for concern. The only way you may be able to get around this is to have your son see a counselor, even if it is at school, to find out what his concerns are.
2007-03-12 09:14:39 · answer #6 · answered by lariat_sonata 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, you have no right to know your ex-wife's new fiance. The only rights that you have extend to your son, and whatever custody rights you have in place. You're making a huge assumption that her new finace has any influence at all on your child.
The more you push for acess to her fiance, the more she is going to stonewall you -- it looks as though you're trying to control her life from beyond your marriage, and she'll resist that strongly. That might be what you're feeling as "wrong" -- how strongly she is resisting any interference in her decisions.
Keep your discussions centered around custody and care of your son. If you're unsure of the influence of another adult in his life, that's a topic for you, your ex-wife, and any custody counselor/lawyers you're accustomed to using to facilitate the discussions.
2007-03-12 09:15:48 · answer #7 · answered by Jarien 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, joint legal and joint physical custody is pretty hard to have unless you spend exactly one-half of your time with your son. If that is truly the case, you have nothing to worry about because you have him just as much as she does.
Let her go and get moving forward with your own life. Stop trying to hang on to her life and trying to control it.
2007-03-12 09:46:06 · answer #8 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh man, that's a tough one. I believe you have a right to meet him, but it's obvious that your ex doesn't feel the same way. Ultimately it's up to her to make this decision. If I were you, I would keep trying in a very nice way and maybe point out the same things to her that you have mentioned to us about your son. Good luck.
2007-03-12 09:11:00 · answer #9 · answered by hotgramma 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
please listen to this!!!! Sir it sounds as if their are still feelings. I really don't think it's about your son. I believe it's about her being with someone. Look i have a son and I went through the same thing but I respected my son's mom. Yes she hid a man for 2 years and it was only because she wasn't ready for me to meet him, because she really cared about me. You seem abusive like your gonna fight him or something.. be an example for the boy..
if she dated charles manson so what!!!! thats on her .. but she's no weirdo so don't worry about. if she's a good mom then stop worrying...as long as your son is healthy and clean thats all that mattered. you and her were uncivilized because yall laid down and concieved a child and then broke it off now your acting like a stalker. grow up...I hope your praying about this..
2007-03-12 10:03:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋