I'm gay, would it be fair on a child if me and a future partner were to adopt?

Question

Theoretically speaking here, still very young, still very single!

Answer 1

Personally, I think the fact that you ask this question demonstrates that you would make a terrific parent.

This is a fair consideration in this day and age. As you can see from other answerers, there is still a good amount of anti-gay bigotry in this country.

Consider though, that the people who think it would be unfair to the child are the same people who are passing their intolerance on to their own children, in effect teaching their children to be abusive to children who are raised in different family situations than their own.

Kids are more accepting than adults think. Kids will accept others by default, but have to be taught to reject those that are different... usually by the words and actions of bigoted parents.

But consider how many positive responses you have received here. Clearly, the social tide is turning in our favor.

I say "our" because my wife and I adopted a girl nearly five years ago, and we went through all the discussions up front that you are thinking about now. Will we be good parents? Will our child have a "normal" life? Will she be ridiculed at school because of her family situation?

We ultimately decided that our love and patience could overcome all of these perceived hurdles, and we have never been happier!

Our daughter has only ever had one classmate give her a hard time about having two mommies, and we learned that this kid comes from a troubled home and has been in trouble for bullying many different kids for many different reasons.

One final thought for you: five years into motherhood, it is my belief that, on average, children adopted into same-sex led households are happier and better cared for than children born into opposite-sex led households. Why? For the simple fact that there is no such thing as an accidental adoption. Every gay couple that adopts fights hard for the right to be a parent, and wouldn't do so without incredible commitment and love in their hearts.

Answer 2

This goes against everything I've ever said about this subject but yes gay couples should be allowed to adopt.
Think about it, if a kid is up for adoption then it is in the government care system, which is one of the biggest producers of criminals, prostitutes and drug addicts in the country. Some kids are even interfered with whilst in 'care'.
Now if a couple, any couple be they gay or straight can take a kid out of that hell, love, nurture and encourage them then they should be allowed to do so.
Traditionally a family unit is a loving mother and a father. But if this is not an option then 2 loving fathers or mothers is far preferable to government sponsored home where the head of the home sees looking after the kids as a job and not much else.
Having said that, I do believe that straight couples should get preference over gay couples when it comes to adoption, as a straight couple can offer more balance ie a mother figure and a father figure than a gay couple. 2 men cannot offer a female role model to a child, i dont care how camp they are!

Answer 3

This is a very touchy subject. I know that I'm going to offend some people with my answer, and it will probably come out wrong, but here goes nothing. I for one feel that gay people can be parents just as well as any straight couple can. I know that they are capable of showing the same love and compassion, and offering the same supports as a heterosexual couple. In this regard, they would make fine parents, and their children would be lucky to have loving parents who wanted to adopt them, or conceive them otherwise. However, I can't help but think that it would be a very difficult childhood outside of the home for the kid. I know that under the best and most normal of circumstances, a bunch of jerks in school will find some reason to pick on any kid that stands out even a little. Now just imagine what they would say to a kid with "queer" parents. I can't help but think they'd have a field day. Granted, this is in no way a reflection on the parenting abilities of the couple, but life until high school or even college would undoubtedly be pretty tough for this kid unless he or she is lucky enough to go to very liberal and accepting schools, or make a very close group of friends willing to stand by their side through any obstacles they face.

Answer 4

This is a cruel world and what your life style falls with a child is going to be very hard. This world still battles with racism and even though people deal with it I can only imagine how hard it will be on the child to have to explain that he/she has parents of the same sex. I'm going to be honest with you its hard having kids and trying to help them through the obstacles they come across during there adolescense. You know kids are the most honest and can be horrible, imagine when you were a kid and how kids were. I remember growing up with someone who was gay and it didn't make me in any difference what his sexual preference was but I remember how the other kids were toward him and his sexual prefrence. I don't love him any less but I can imagine how he may have felt or what he may have gone through. Once I became an adult with kids of my own it would have to say that growing up with him makes me comfortable with his choice and the choice that others around me have chosen. Although some of my friends believe that homosexualality is a learned behavior, I disagree because the person that I grew up with we grew up in the same household by the same parent and that wasn't my choice, what ever the case may be we were loved and we love each other and if I had a billion dollar he be the first to know!! Kids a lot of time they don't know how to handle different situations based on how they were raised which determines how they treat others. Remember how they treated the short kid, tallest kids, fat kid, kid with glasses, stinky breath kids, girls who didn't develop quick, short hair, long hair,etc., You have to be prepared for everything, and even the strongest parent is not prepared. I'm not prepared for everything, and because you can't beat up every kid that picks with your child and believe me your gonna want to you can't, nor can you get someone to do it. There are no instructions on parenting no matter how many books you buy. If this is something that you and your partner have seriously thought about and know that you both will be committed to what ever and you will deal with what ever when it comes to children, then what ever your religious beliefs are pray about it and act on. I personally think love and patience is whats important and stability, and if you and your partner can offer this to this child then go for it because there are some parents who aren't gay and don't need to be parents. Furthermore, just make sure your child understands and is comfortable with your lifestyle, and you choose the right partner who will be committed! Lastly make sure your mentally, physically, and emotionally ready because its not easy especially at any given time you end up doing this by yourself, like me!!!!!!! Good Luck!!!!

Answer 5

If you give a child a warm, loving home, how could it not be fair? But then I'm sure you'll hate my answer because I don't believe gays are born gay. I believe its a matter of choice in lifestyle. That being said, your child has the right to be raised by loving parents. Just because you're gay doesn't mean the child will chose to be gay. The point is that there are too many children that need to be out of the adoption system and if it means getting them added to loving homes, who cares? People get upset by blacks adopting white children or whites adopting black children. Who cares? Just get the kids out of the system and get them into loving homes.

Answer 6

as long as your child was going to have input from people of the opposite sex i don't see why the rules should be any different. my best friend plans to adopt one day, providing he is in a stable relationship, and i know he'd be a great dad. but i do think that it's important that his child will have access to me, as a close female friend, his mother and his sister. in the same way that if i end up being a single mother i will do my best to make sure that my child has male role models in his or her life, like my friend, my brother and hopefully my dad. but all in all, providing a loving home for a child is the best thing anyone can do.

Answer 7

There are kids right now in group homes being neglected by people who only took them in so they could get money from the government. That is only one situation where kids are being neglected and corrupted by this world. If you and a partner are secure in your relationship, and can agree that even if you don't work out in the end, you will still act in the best interest of the child, that would be putting the child at a great advantage!

Answer 8

I think children need both a male and a female role model in their life to develop into a well-rounded individual. It's well-known that children develop different personaility attributes from each parent. They generally learn things like nurturing and caring from their mothers, while learning things like leadership and respect from their fathers. Children also need opposite gender parents to discover how to treat a future spouse, and same gender parents to be taught gender identity. Take for example, the daughter who grows up fatherless. Very often these are precisely the women who have difficulty forming trusting relationships with men.
The issue really has little to do with tolerance of different lifestyles, but instead is strickly an issue of the childs well-being.

Answer 9

Yes it would be fair. The instink to be a parent has nothing to do with what your sexual preference is.It is about love.
I also feel that gay and lesbian parents have the opportunity to raise a child that will understand what your life is about and reflect it onto the public with a positive point of view.
Growing up one of my best Friends Mom was a lesbian, and I thank her(and her parents) for my understanding and consideration for the Gay and Lesbian community.
P.S. My friend was very happy to have the parents she had!!

Answer 10

I suppose it doesn't matter. If your not doing meth and having tons of sex with multiple partners and can be good parents I don't see why not. There's millions of kids out there who need a family. But, I think it's very possible for a straight child to be confused about their sexuality in a same-sex household, so the parents would have to be accepting and supporting of the child's (likely) heterosexuality. Sorry, nothing wrong with gays, and while I believe most are born that way, I do think some become that way because of their environment or certain experiences.