Although I know that I am the only one who can make the decision, I want others advice on the situation I am going through right now. My baby's father left me when I was two months pregnant, and needless to say, left me heart broken. When iw as 7 months pregnant, I met a wonderful, good-looking guy who was there from me from that day forward, even went with my to the delivery-room and helped me deliver my first child, my son, Payton. Although I am very thankful to this guy for all he has did, I realized after I had Payton that there were still major feelings for my ex who I had a child to. Not just because of the child but because I was still very much in love with him. The father of my child, Ben, wants to be back in our lives and has made efforts to make me believe that, and although he has a lot more to prove, I feel like I cannot let Chris, the guy who I met when I was pregnant, be strung along when I know I love someone else.
2007-03-12 08:55:40 · 13 answers · asked by *mommy to two* 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make, and Chris has only made it harder by not letting me forget all he has done for me and how dumb I am for going back to my ex. I know that it seems like a big mistake, but I cant help how I feel. I love Ben, the father of my child, and want to work things out if possible. Did I do the right thing by letting Chris go? What if I end up regretting it because he treated me so well? I just need some reassurance. Please, help me! Any advice or insight...
2007-03-12 08:58:00 · update #1
i know that i was getting a lot of answers based on what i had said...but there are alot of circumstances concerning chris. he isnt treating my son well because he admits he resents him, and although ben was wrong for doing what he did, chris has changed 100% for the worst since the baby has been born. I know no one can make my decision, but there is no need for everyone to be so damn rude and kick me when im down again. i'll know better next time when i post a emotional question just to press the cancel button when im done venting. thanks a lot for nothing. i am not a bad person, as much as you all would like to believe that. i been through alot, and im just confused. put in my shoes, you would probably feel the same damn way - confused.
2007-03-12 17:44:53 · update #2
Well you are definantly in a hard place right now. I an understand you wanting to go back with your baby's father, but remember he did leave you when you needed him. Who is to say he wont leave again. Now for this Chris guy who was with you from the beginning, as much as you appreciate him for all that he did for you. He did it from the goodness of his heart, you didn't ask him to be there for you. That doesn't mean you have to be with him for the rest of your life. You don't owe him anything but a thank you and direct answer to if you two are going to stay together. You really need to also think about your child, Payton should have his father in his life, but that doesn't mean you have to date his father. If I were you, I'd let Chris go and start to build a very strong friendship with Ben. Don't just jump into a relationship, you don't want to hurt yourself or your son if he chooses to break up with you. Take things very slow and then in a few months, see how things are turning out. If Ben is true to his word and you begin to become a close family, then go for it. If not, be thankful that you didn't jump blindly into a relationship with you. As for Chris, let him go lightly, explain to him that you still love Ben and want to give him the chance to be a family with you and Payton. But remind him that you are very thankful for all that he did for you.
Good luck
2007-03-12 09:06:18 · answer #1 · answered by Chrystal 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like Ben freaked when he realised the responsibility of the baby. but now he knows you have had it, he can go and be with you, or leave you, whenever he wants because you took him back.
To me i would ditch ben and go for the nicer chris. All women who have been treated badly, seem to go back to the ex and i know ben will only love you and leave you all over again. Chris on the other hand accepted you were having a child and still stuck by you. who wouldnt want him?!
Love is a powerful thing and letting go of an ex when you still love him, is terribly hard. chris may be there but it is not about choosing. It is about realising what is best for you and your baby.I would personally recommend leaving ben and forgetting him. He is no good and will only make you miserable in the future as well as your baby and right now baby comes first. As for chris, he has been by you so far so it doesnt mean he will want to jump into a relationship with you yet. Just explain to him how you feel and maybe in the future you can work out ok?
2007-03-12 16:08:16 · answer #2 · answered by ppl_tell_me_im_insane 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you went back to him you have proved that he can pick you up and drop you whenever he feels like it. For one, for him to leave you when you are two months pregnant shows hes not man enough to be a father in the first place. For Chris to come into your life and be by your side from there forward shows alot, I bet you will never find a man like that again! once you let him go hes gone. If someone breaks up and they go back out they normally end up breaking up again. Ben left you, and that shows in some way he wasnt happy, or he just didnt want to take part in you and your childs life. Id love to meet a man like Chris. I am in a bad relationship and want to leave my boyfriend, if I had the oppurtunity for some man to come into my life and take the place Id gladly go for it! I really do think you made the wrong decision. I dont care if you love Ben or not, feelings dont go away automatically. What he did to you shows no respect for you or your guy's baby. If you would have let Chris be in your life longer I guarantee you would someday love him more than Ben. Sounds like Chris treated you so well. Its heartbreaking when all the good guys get let go and the bad guys are the ones who always get the first, second, third....and so on chances. I wish you luck and the best. You learn from your mistakes, and you will learn from this one!!
2007-03-12 16:13:47 · answer #3 · answered by FutureMrsBeck 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know that you are going to get alot of answers that tell you that you need to kick Ben to the curb. But from someone that has been in a similar situation I know that your head and you heart are not always on the same page. Yes he did the wrong thing leaving you while you were pregnant. That is a hard one to forgive. Some men to realize their mistakes. Some don't and only you will know if he has or not. The question that you need to ask yourself is do you really want to take that chance on getting hurt all over again. If your heart tells you that you want to take that chance then there is nothing any of us here or even your own head that is going to tell you any different. I hope for you and your baby's sake that he has grown up and really sees what he left behind. It does happen.
2007-03-12 16:09:06 · answer #4 · answered by Dee 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to say, but you made a mistake. Any man that will leave a woman that is carrying his child is considered sorry to me.
He realized that you were able to pick up the pieces and move on, and now he wants you back.
As mothers we have the fantasy of the mama, daddy, and kids. It don't always work out like that, and it is not easy to find men that will come in and genuinely accept a child that is not biologically his.
As a mother, you have to make wise decisions, not emotional ones.
Love is showed, and I he didn't show it to you all when you needed it the most.
I think that you have a rough road ahead of you. He is bound to do the same thing to you again, hopefully you won't become pregnant from him again.
2007-03-12 16:15:44 · answer #5 · answered by Ms Brown Eyez 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You did the right thing for all the wrong reasons. Letting Chris go was the right thing to do, you didn't love him and weren't going to. However to do so for your ex was foolish at best. He isn't a good man, and no matter what he says will not become one. You just screwed up big time, not only for yourself but your child too. You are the kind of girl guys like your ex look for...easily lied too and willing to come back for more punishment.
Chris got lucky, he can now find a good women.
2007-03-12 16:02:54 · answer #6 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ben will use you again and throw you away like a dirty rag when He is done. Why people like you confuse stupidity with love is beyond me. Actions speak louder than words and Ben showed how uncaring he was and probably still is. Forget the second chance bit, all battered women follow the same pattern. Get kicked in the face and when the scars heal go back for more pain. Use your head and do what is right for You and the baby. Get rid of Ben.
2007-03-12 16:01:52 · answer #7 · answered by mr conservative 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i believe letting Chris go will come back to haunt u. Ben left u once, and there is always a good chance he will do so again. a man's past behavior is a good predictor of what may happen in the future. Ben also left u during the time when u needed him the most. love is truly blind i guess, and guess u can't help who u love, but think u should have tried harder to love the one who really loved u. as shown by his actions. but the choice was yours, and its u who will have to face the consequences of your decision.
2007-03-12 16:12:30 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes/No. Yes because you had to tell chris that you is not in love with him, because emotion do make you cry, and you would have been playing with his emotion by staying with him. No. because know you have left chris for ben, remember ben is the one who left you and the unborn baby. I personal think you should pray about it, because prayer do changes thing.
2007-03-12 16:02:53 · answer #9 · answered by angle2005star 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no, i'm sorry, but going back to ben was a bad choice. because he abandoned you once, who's to stop him from doing it again? rarely people do change, but only rarely. and next time he leaves you high and dry, chris ain't likely to come running back because ben abandoned you yet again...all women are alike, they think it's a good idea to go back when an ex comes back "changed"...what you don't seem to get is that WE DON'T CHANGE THAT EASY...it's a temporary thing, and i'm sorry for you the next time it happens.
2007-03-12 16:04:33 · answer #10 · answered by Pyromaniac 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋