She discusses everything with her mother. Always plays the wounded victim during arguments. Lies to others so that she looks good in everyone else's eyes. When she wants something she asks her parents instead of us doing it ourselves. She's also constantly telling me she's so independent and was such an independent single mom. However now that I'm married to her I know her parents did everything for her. How can I get her to grow up?
2007-03-12 08:52:36 · 23 answers · asked by survivor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
tell her your feelings
2007-03-12 08:56:01 · answer #1 · answered by yeahh_buddy23231 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think you can make her grow up.time to sit her down and ask her where that independent woman she talked about being went.tell her that your idea of being married is to make a life and life decisions together.i would tell her there are 2 people in this relationship not 4 and her parents should be behind you i would think they are getting tired of footing her bill after all shes a married woman now and she needs to be teaching her child how to be a strong not count on everyone else to fix things for her
2007-03-12 16:08:37 · answer #2 · answered by patbgone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get even with her. You also start discussing everything with her Mom and your mom/dad even if to show off. Shower them with great appreciation for their wonderful insights. Try doing it more than she does. Three things will happen
(1) Her mom will get tired of you guys
(2) Your wife will see things in another light from the other side.
(3) She will go against her mom eventually and their link will fall apart.
I am tell you that however hard it may appear, you will get to grin in the end.
2007-03-12 16:00:33 · answer #3 · answered by apm2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you really love her, want to stay with her, and save your matrimony, you have to talk to her in a very serious conversation.
Because she is probably going to deny whatever you say, you better have real good proof in your hands. You will have to give her examples of situations she went running to “mommy and daddy” and things like that.
And remember, you are an adult and want her to be also one, so don’t argue about stupid tings, and don’t accuse her. Just point out what you don’t like and that you think she does wrong, and don’t be mad no matter what she says or do. You stay calm and show her you are an adult.
You also need to let her know that you do not agree with her going to her mother with every single story, and that you would expect her to respect your privacy (yours as you and her as a couple, not just you).
The key to a healthy relation is communication and understanding. Is not about loving, or forcing your ways in. sacrifices have to be mutual an without expecting anything on return from each other. That is real love. To sacrifice and to please each other without expecting anything in return.
Let her know also that you are there for her, and that you don’t mean anything bad, just for her to understand that they way she is acting in not correct and can bring problems not only to the relation but to herself in many other things.
Hopefully she will understand. Otherwise, if she is “hard headed”, you might have difficult decisions to make.
Offer her also a chance to speak up anything she might not like about you but that she keeps it quiet. You could be surprised. And try to come up with agreements. Is not easy, but is not that hard either.
Good luck.
2007-03-12 16:40:48 · answer #4 · answered by Dan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a real problem here. You must set some ground rules with your wife when it comes to your personal life. Let her know you married her not her mother.
You are dealing with a mother in law that is operating as a third party in your relationship. Your wife if being influenced in ways you do not understand because you are not privileged to be a part of the conversations.
I went through this with my second wife. I would over hear her talking with her mother about my personal life, which just pissed me off.
I took the phone from her hands and told her mother we had a crisis to handle and she would call her back. I told my wife she had a choice to make. Either honor this relationship and me or go back home to her parents. I let her know my life was not to be discussed with anyone. What happens in this house stays in this house.
In never once disparaged her parents. I was just firm in letting her know her first obligation was to me and to this family. I told her if she could not accept this fact life was going to become hell in this household. I told her she has a choice to make. Honor me in this marriage or go back home to her parents.
I let her know I loved her parents and was grateful they were in my life but the problem is not with them. The problem was between she and I. I told her I am your husband and it is you responsibility to protect my privacy. I said to her either you respect this or we have a major issue. I in fact let her know I loved her and she was my life so please show me the same consideration and respect I bestowed upon her.
2007-03-12 16:22:42 · answer #5 · answered by T-Rex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could recommend marriage counselling, but the odds of her changing aren't good. Some people never grow up. How long were you together before you married? It doesn't sound as though you knew her very well before you got married. If you knew she was like this before you can't expect her to change because she won't.
2007-03-12 15:58:56 · answer #6 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to stop this you should talk to her parents and tell me your concerns. tell them you don't want to hurt the daughter and that you don't want to change her, you just want her to be a grown up and with them spoiling her this will never change. tell them you don't want this to get out of control because you don't want to grow apart and that she wont listen to you. If they are mature they will understand and team up with you so your wife open her eyes and realize that she has to work on her personality. Now, if your parents in law dont like you, do it your way: let her do what she want and show you don't care. Don't do anything to piss her off, just do things the right way and she will get tired of her games eventually.
good luck!
2007-03-12 16:07:46 · answer #7 · answered by chikis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change is very hard for an adult, and you should sit down with her and have a heart to heart talk with her on what's bothering you. If she really cares for you, she would understand and make compromises. You have to be patient and realize that her habits aren't going to change overnight or completely, but she could at least try to get to where you want her to be.
2007-03-12 16:07:36 · answer #8 · answered by phoenix_rising_28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do the same to her, instead of her ask your friends or even your mom about problems, do it once and show off but do not let her to find out, do not forget it is not a revenge it is a theatre tropy!
2007-03-12 16:07:04 · answer #9 · answered by Tal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have not said anything that you do wrong. You can't be perfect either. It sounds like you need help from someone who is not involved with either of you and can give an honest opinion. A marriage counselor!
2007-03-12 15:58:07 · answer #10 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that these are serious issues for you and they need to be resolved by the both of you and both of you alone or You can move far away from her parents.
2007-03-12 15:57:07 · answer #11 · answered by Spring loaded horsie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋