Do people have to want or like children??? I just don't like them.?

Question

I don't understand why people are so offended that my husband and I don't want to have any children. I am not and have never been the "motherly" type. I don't think that babies are cute, I don't think they will make my life more fulfilling and I certainly do not think they are a blessing as we are NOT religious people. I like to sleep late, go on multiple vacations a year, and spend our hard earned money on nice things for ourselves. I have no desire or need to get pregnant, chubby, and poor just so I can experience the "joys" of motherhood (aka: changing dirty diapers, never sleeping and loosing your figure). Some of our friend's with kids are contantly telling us how lucky we are that we have all of this freedom. We see that too! I don't usually go into this much detail when people ask us why we don't have any kids but I would surely like to! They look at me like my hair is on fire when I tell them we are child-free and loving it. What's the deal?

I am very good to my Mother and I am very grateful that she decided to have me and raise me to be the woman I am today. My feelings have nothing to do with her, they have just developed from observation over my lifetime.

SON OF A B*TCH! Don't shove that God crap down my throat!!! I just told you that we are not religious! Keep *God* out of this discussion!!! DID I MARK THIS AS A SPIRITUAL/RELIGION QUESTION?!? NO I DIDN'T! JEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!

Answer 1

It is a stereotype that is older than dirt. (that if ya get married, then ya gotta have kids!) haha- It really is a redneck way of looking at it if you ask me- and I am from the South! If you are happy the way you are, then so be it!
"selfish" is often used as a negative way to describe beliefs and attitudes such as yours, but if you know what you like and what you don't, then enjoy!!!
Can you imagine how many unhappy homes there are because of people who were goaded into the duty of having kids? People who didn't really want the sacrifices?

Answer 2

I think you should be applauded for knowing what you want and not just having kids to fit someone else's mold. Not everyone should be parents- look at the hillbillys who can't take care of even one kid let alone 5. I think it's great that you and your husband both agree- hell if you ever change you mind you could do something then, but once you have a child you can't go back! I myself have 2 and most days love being daddy. Sure there are times I would love to be in your situation. Some people just aren't as secure as you two are in your beliefs and feel they have to follow the "Beaver Cleaver" model-- one that should be SMASHED. To heck with the religious "go forth and multipy" mumbo jumbo- I think blind reliance on religion is a weakness- you can live life in a spiritual manner without banging that drum. Sorry, I will get off my soap box. No, you don't have to want or like children. People who don't get it are just narrow-minded. Live your life the way you see fit! Have fun- oh and if you want to babysit...

Answer 3

Well.....not everyone is cut out to be parents. Many folk out there have no business being parents - you can see how poorly they treat their own kids. So, don't let people get ya down. What is the phrase "misery loves company"? Perhaps the ones that are harping on you the most are the most miserable of parents?

In my first marriage, I knew it was a mistake, so no kids. Then many years passed. I just remarried a wonderful guy who would make the best of daddys. But now, I am 48 and deeply into menopause, so it's out for me to have any kids now. Maybe we'll adopt - it just kills me that the kids would be so doggone cute with Patrick! (sigh).

So, kids with ex was wrong and none delivered.
Kids with new hubby is right, but can't be delivered.
Maybe we'll look into adoption...afterall, Patrick was adopted!

=) 031207 1:45

Answer 4

You are so smart not to feel that you have to want the same things in life that everyone tells you that you should want. You know that children will add nothing to your life and rightfully have decided not to bring any into your life. There are so many unwanted children who are neglected and abused by those who conceived them through carelessness or those who gave no thought to the true responsibility involved.

I think the pressure from others may come from the concept of misery loves company. They can't stand to see someone who thought it all out ahead of time and made a wise decision.

I have always loved and found joy in children. I never had any of my own, but I have always been brought the children of others to love and nurture. Each of us has a path and a purpose in life. You wisely know yours does not include children.

Answer 5

You wrote quite a bit, and it seems you have the nature to answer you own questions...as you probably do all day long- in your own head. What it probably is, is you have alot of worries, and alot of thoughts running lose in your mind.

It's important for you, as the passionate person you are, to learn how to rest on a thought for a while, and ocmeback to it later.

No, there are no laws that ay we have to appraise or appreciate anything or anyone in life. If we want to be happy, then we need to learn to love peopleat all stages of life.

Kis can drive you crazy, and then, long after they've forgotten they even DID a thing, you are still stewing over it.

You have to take kids LIGHTY... or else you'll go nuts. I can't believe I'm even saying that, but it's true.

We want to ring their necks, but, eventually you will come to see that they freely give and accept love in may ways, and anything you can do with them- you will be rewarded with much admiration for every little thing.

So, to answer your question, no, you don't have to like them- but, it's in your best interest to not lt them get into your head.

Take it easy! That's he only way to take ANYTHING.

Answer 6

You need to develop a thick skin then, don't let people bring their own into yours.

Also, the reason people will continue to harrass you is that it is the normal thing for any person to want children but if this is the way you want it, so be it.

If you want them to stop, then you have stop paying them attention when they start going on and on about your decision.

When you have ignored them long enough, they will find someone else to pick on, you know people do not like being ignored.

Answer 7

If you don't want to have kids then DON'T!!! Because this is something very personal with you and your husband. You don't need to bother about it. Wanting to be a mother and father is to have a feeling within you that you will take care of them rest of your lives, but if that has not raised in you I would strongly suggest not to go for it.Because once you have kids and you are not taking care then it would be curse for them and you don't have right to do that.

Answer 8

No desire! Never have, never will want kids. My spouse sort of did for a while, and we made a deal that we would talk about it in a serious fashion if one or the other of us desired children every day for 6 months straight. She only made it for two weeks once. Also, we got a dog and co-parenting the dog knocked all that desire-to-get-a-kid right out of us!

I'm lucky that a lot of my co-workers don't want kids either, so sometimes we get together impromptu in the break room and list all the reasons why we don't want kids.....sometimes other co-workers who DO have kids come in and join.....

It's nice having friends who don't want kids. I suggest you make more of them! Feel free to drop me a line :)

Answer 9

Its funny cause I feel the same way its not that I don't like kids I just don't want any. And my mother wants a ton of grand kids. I feel bad about that but I have no desire to have kids. So your not alone in this.

Answer 10

People are just lemmings. If people actually thought about having children, they probably would not have them.

I had a vasectomy at 21. My girlfriend had her tubes tied at 27. Neither of us have, or want kids. Sure we get a lot of flack from people that have them. But we just don’t care.

The term is CF (Child free). We chose not to have children because we just don’t want them. When people ask why, we tell them. Such a question is called a “bingo”.