So, I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but I said something stupid a few weeks ago. She has been married before and she was pushed into that marriage by her family. She had a really hard time getting past that being as she was married for 4 years and he constantly beat her. Well, a few weeks ago, we were talking about weddings. Well, we had a little disagreement about how many groomsmen and bridesmaids we would have (her wanting a smaller wedding, me wanting a larger one), and I made the comment like, "Well, you know how you felt pressured into your first marriage...well I feel pressured now!" Stupid, because I don't feel like that at all, and I don't know why I said it. I just was mad, and sometimes I say things I don't mean when I'm mad. I have told her all of this and she says she forgives me. But, I saw it in her eyes how much it hurt her, and she hasn't mentioned a wedding since. I want to marry her, but now I'm afraid she won't say yes. Should I still ask her?
2007-03-12 07:35:30 · 12 answers · asked by traemarlow 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Take her on a romantic date and explain exactly what you meant when you stuck your foot in your mouth. If I had a nickel for every time I said something stupid to my husband, we'd be millionaires! LOL
Why not comprimise and have a semi-large wedding? We got married in our friends' living room and had about 20 ppl there, mainly just immediate family, and everyone still talks about it to this day! I didn't want a huge wedding for ppl that I didn't know (or care about) to see us get married, and then to have to pay for them to eat? No thanks! I think 50-100 people is a good size and you'll have all the folks that you truly want to be witnesses to your special day.
I would wait a little while and surprise your girl w/ the ring/question when she least expects it. I also came from an abusive relationship, so she probably has heard way more hurtful things that you don't even want to imagine. She was probably hurt, but as long as you show her w/ your kind actions, that you didn't mean what you said, she really will forgive you if she hasn't done so already. Just don't tell her that you'll never do or say anything stupid again b/c she's probably heard that from her previous husband and she knows that that would be a false statement. You both will say dumb things to each other, but if you can't learn to get past them and forgive each other, then you're going to have an extremely rocky marriage.
2007-03-12 07:50:35 · answer #1 · answered by sweet libra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send her some roses at work, when she calls you to ask you why you sent them, just tell her it is for being stupid about what you said. Then ask her out to dinner and propose to her. As far as the wedding is concerned, keep talking to each other about it and come to a compromise on things. I am sure that if she would have said yes before, she would say it now, you just have to let her know you want to get married and you do not feel pushed into it. Good Luck
2007-03-12 07:42:23 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should ask her! This will prove to her that you still love her and a small disagreement won't ruin your chances as a couple. And also, perhaps you should think why she wants a smaller wedding? I'm suspecting that she did the whole big wedding celebration/let's please everyone (plus the marriage didn't go very well). Now she might want something more intimate, more relaxed. Something that she will enjoy with you and your families and friends.
2007-03-12 07:48:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely.....let her know that you really want to marry her and that you were wrong (women love to hear that). Be sure she understands that you simply meant that you felt pressure regarding the wedding but not to marry her. Be sure she feels loved by you, and most importantly let her know that you will never hurt her because you could never live without her. If she wants to push the wedding back, agree to it. If she wants to skip the whole thing and elope, agree to that too. It's not about the wedding....it's about the marriage!
2007-03-12 07:42:10 · answer #4 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, ask her, I said some stupid things before I got married.
2007-03-12 07:39:43 · answer #5 · answered by broj7400 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you just a reminder to her of her past? What else will you say the next time you get in a disagreement?
2007-03-12 07:44:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont teether on your toes now. If you truly love her then go for it. Have a marriage that doesnt hurt you both like have a medium sized one for example.
I wish you the best. Ask her to put away the past marriage and please take her to a councellor for you both to have pre marital councelling so that she doesnt treat her second marriage badly.
2007-03-12 07:41:32 · answer #7 · answered by MafiaGal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes u did hurt her, when people say hurtful mean things to hurt the other partner, its a way to control them, and get your way, it was mean and selfish of u and u need to go to her and tell her how sorry u are, and how u realize what u said hurt her, take responsibility for what u have done, yes ask her again if u love her. of course she is going to say yes, depending on how u ask her this time.
2007-03-12 14:17:44 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I bet that did hurt a little. Well, you know if she loves you and says she's forgiven you, she probably has. Every woman's different, but I think she's forgiven you. So, in fewer words, I think you should go for it.
Good luck, and I hope every thing works out for you.
2007-03-12 07:44:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
give it time and then try again. then look into her eye and with a soft voice. do to the pain in hour past i would like to say that i wont to Merrie you. Then looking into her eyes hand her your ring. and say when you are ready well you Merrie me? Good luck and best wishes
2007-03-12 07:59:45 · answer #10 · answered by celticdragon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋