Since my divorce 2 years ago, I handle all responsibiltiies for my house mortgage, car, etc. for me and my kids. I don't think it is my boyfriend's responsibility to take care of my kids, but when he spends 3-4 days a week at my house in comparison to his own, how do you handle monthly house expenses? He chooses to live a very frugal life, which is great as that is his choice. He wasn't making much money up until he got a new job 4 months ago, so now he makes what I make. I am 34 and have 5 kids, he is 37 and has one.
However, it isn't comfortable for us to visit him at his house with the kids because there is not much furniture, cable, internet, etc. or much for them to do at all. So, I can see why he wants to stay at my house so much, but I think it is very unfair if after all of our discussions, anytime I am low on money, he offers me a "loan". If someone is living with you halftime, how many times should you point out the obvious? I have started to have different feelings...
2007-03-12 07:21:57 · 11 answers · asked by Nutzzzzz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not so much money but peoples attitudes towards money and their handling of it. Your boyfriend has not chosen to live a frugal life. He lives the same lifestyle as yours at your expense. The anger and resentment are already building. You should immediately correct this situation. If you choose not to break up with him, just be content not to spend extended periods of time with him and always at his place. Perhaps just overnight now and then. Explain to him why you are doing this. I have a feeling he is a moocher and will find someone else to sponge off of.
2007-03-12 07:39:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not quite sure what you expect him to do. Pay half of your mortgage? What do you feel he should be contributing? If you cook dinner for him every time he's there, then it would be fair if he took you out every once in a while, or contributed some $$ towards groceries. But I don't know what is it that you expect him to do beyond that. If he has his own place and you guys are not "living" together, I don't see what his obligations to you would be besides the usual obligations of a guy to his date (paying for dinner out/entertainment, or a small gift every once in a while). If he's not doing these things already, perhaps you could point out to him that you'd like to go out more often. But you can't exactly charge him rent or anything. It's a relationship, not a business transaction.
2007-03-12 07:32:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good point. I acutally have a similar situation, but I told my boyfriend either he is out or in, your boyfrind should not be able to have to have retreats for days at a time at your home. Especially when he is not contributing to your home. You need to ask him does he feel like you want him to take care of you and your family when you ask him for monetary help. You have to be careful when having a children that men do not try to use you. They automatically know that you are going to cook, and maintain your household because you have to with children. So cut out the 3-4 days at your crib, and also make sure he is courting you and not just laying up with you.
2007-03-12 07:30:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He definitely needs to give you money for food, if nothing else. I went through this with my now-husband. He was at my house 20 days a month and I finally told him he had to start either buying food for him and his kids, or give me money and I will do the shopping. I was paying all the bills! He moved in two months later and we shared everything 50/50. You should tell him you like him coming over, and don't mind cooking and feeding them, but you live on a budget and he needs to start giving you money for food, etc.
2007-03-12 07:29:53 · answer #4 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you need help with groceries ask him to chip in when he is there. If he is spending more time at your place than his, explain to him that you need help, if he want to move in to save the extra costs, and you are sure about it, then move him in---whats one more body in a 6 person home? If it is a loan and you have to pay it back then Id suggest get rid of the free loader.
2007-03-12 07:28:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Money is very important..it is one of the major contributors to divorce. He is taking advantage of you...and you know it. I can bet his utility and food costs have been cut in half since he has begun staying with you.
STOP letting him take advantage!
You already have 5 children...I highly doubt you can afford a 6th.
2007-03-12 07:29:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am truly in love with my husband. I'd live with him in a cardboard box if that is where the Creator guided us. Money is just a necessity for paying bills. It does not make my marriage successful.
2007-03-12 07:31:27 · answer #7 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Money doesn't make a relationship. If you Love someone money should have nothing to do with is what so ever. For those who think it does I feel sorry for you.
2007-03-12 07:28:24 · answer #8 · answered by felippie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him pitch in if he is gonna freeload he needs to contribute
2007-03-12 07:30:14 · answer #9 · answered by Mary O 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as she paid the bills, it did matter to me.
2007-03-12 07:30:44 · answer #10 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋