I am currently in an abusive marriage. I have tried for years to make it work however, I understand that the only way to get out would be for me to be the one to leave with the kids. Would this constitute as abandonment of the house when going forward with the divorce? Also will it pose a problem if I am not the primary on the loan?
2007-03-12 07:12:11 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It depends, if he owned the home before he married you, then you don't necessarily get 1/2 of the homes value, or even 1/2 of the homes equity. You may only be entitled to 1/2 of the increase in equity from the date you married until either the final divorce or the day you leave the home.
2007-03-12 07:21:34 · answer #1 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean that you are in an abusive relationship? What have you done to work things out? I'll try not to be judgemental and I hope that I am not giving you that impression. Leaving an abusive relationship is not easy and divorce is even harder.
You are a person who deserves value and respect. Your children need a safe place to live. If safety is an issue then yes, you should leave. But, I do have to ask why you have to leave? If he is physically harming you or the children then you can get a restraining order. He must leave. He still needs to fulfill his obligations as a parent to your children. He is obligated to provide a safe home for both you and your children. If he can't do that then he needs to leave and only come back if you let him, and only if he has sought counseling. An abuser cannot change overnight and it is a long road via counseling. Sometimes, what an abuser needs is a reality check. Serve him a restraining order and make sure he fulfills his obligations. Seek counseling for both you and the children. There are wounds that will take time to heal.
If you feel that you must leave then you will be partially responsible for the house loan. Your name can only be taken off if the loan is sold or paid off. As much as you are able, make sure the payment is paid each month. In the divorce negotiation you can demand that you be given alimony and support and selling the house is one way to accomplish this. Otherwise, a Chapter 13 might need to be made.
Try rethinking your strategy. If you and the kids can stay in the house, and he can work on himself then you might be able to survive this much easily. But, if safety is an issue, seek help from Adult and Family Services and legal council. If you have to move out then that is what you have to do. Yours and the kid's safety (and emotional stability) is most important. What you or he does right now will affect them for the rest of their life.
May God bless you and even your husband. Pray for him and ask God to work in his life, too. Even if you do leave him, he will always be a part of your life. But, you don't have to give in and take abuse. See a counselour and get professional advice. Take care of yourself, eat right, and make sure you are getting enough sleep. You'll need your wits and your health is very important right now.
Good luck to you and your children. I hope one day your husband will wake up and realize what a treasure you and your children are. If not, then you must continue to move forward with your lives. However you make this move, stay out of another relationship until this one is dissolved or mended. Be cautious of looking for another man to fullfill the emptiness you feel right now. You'll be most vulnurable at this point.
2007-03-12 07:16:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry you have to go thru this. You are right though, any attempt to get the house, if you leave will be considered abadonment. My best advice to you is talk to an attorney first before leaving the house.
It doesn't matter who is the primary on the loan, the marital assets are divided 50/50. Therefore you own 1/2 of the house per say.
2007-03-12 07:16:45 · answer #3 · answered by MJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
File for divorce, custody and a temporary restraining order. You can Also have a temporary maintenance order filed so the bills will still get paid. You NEED an attorney...don't try to do this one alone. Odds are you will get the house. Just make an offer for an alimony buy out that gives you his half of the house in lue of spousal support.
2007-03-12 07:21:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A friend of my husband went to work one day,shortly after he was served a restraining order that was from his wife. He was not allowed to return home or be within 500 feet of her. He had to get an officer to go with him to pick up his cloths only.
(understand?)
As far as the house, he will have to take you to court for that to be settled and it will be thru the divorce court.If you are married the house is also yours,on the note or not! I would not move and uproot your children.
2007-03-12 07:31:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's good that you FINALLY realize that you need to be the one to leave in order for you to get your life right. unfortunatley so many women don't realize this until it's too late. standing ovation for you. now...you need to do a few things. first you need to consult your local domestic abuse center for help. since i don't know where you are you can start here...http://www.ndvh.org/. second, you need to talk to an attorney regarding the whole divorce, loan on house thing. or you can call the lending institiution and talk to the supervisor or manager there to explain what is going on. they may be able to work something out with you. third, if you haven't already, you need to be calling the police everytime he lays his hands on you. you could be building a case against him.
2007-03-12 07:21:45 · answer #6 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you start a divorce there is ALWAYS a temporary order. Get an atty and get the hell out. the temp order will insure you get all your belongings and protection. The temp order will include a restraining order in there as well.
2007-03-12 07:21:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No in court you can have the title changed in court and the loan papers might have to be refied. It depends on the mortgage company.
2007-03-12 07:16:59 · answer #8 · answered by dirbe22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just get out, sell the house, you should start a new
2007-03-12 07:17:15 · answer #9 · answered by ken401lam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no and no
2007-03-12 07:16:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋