...doesn't like her fiance'? He cant see him as a role model...he can't find really anything to like about him...he doesn't trust the guy because he was spying on him and I from the back of the parking lot one night...his mother didn't take care of introducing him properly...just sprung it on him on day...my son has caught her lying to him hiding the guy from him for months...creating excuses why she wasn't around at times leaving him at sitter's homjes...he knows the truth now...told his mom, "if you make him my step dad I will be very sad"....how is my son supposed to deal with this...there is no law that says he has to like the guy just becasue SHE chose the guy...
2007-03-12 06:49:02 · 20 answers · asked by RealEYES 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he wants to move in with me...ex blames me for son not liking her fiance...I get an email annoucing the engagement...today! ..."becasue of his(my son) insistantcy of me telling you I am telling you I am engaged"....not have the respoect to tell me on your own....it took my 8 year old son to insist her tell me?
2007-03-12 06:55:08 · update #1
and she refuses to tell me meet the guy even after asking 3 tiems...
2007-03-12 06:56:26 · update #2
I tried for 3 years to get her into counseling...after she abducted my son to a foreign country...she said she would go...and never did...she lies to me...to the judge...lawyer...counselor and to my son...and my son is upposed to be supported by me when I cant even trust her judgement....or how she supjects my son to the guy sleeping over at her place when my son wasnt reaised like this...she knows he doesn't like it...but she is forcing this on him...against his will....
2007-03-12 07:01:01 · update #3
I think you are both putting your son in a position to choose one parent over the other. That is wrong and her new relationship (or yours) is not the other persons business. Of course your son is not going to like her fiance at first because he is feeling torn between you two and this new person is in your old position in the home. I say you need to straighten this out with her without putting your son in the middle. He is only eight and should not have to listen to adult conversations.
2007-03-12 07:23:49 · answer #1 · answered by Tink 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There could be a lot of reasons why your son doesn't like the new guy. He probably still wants the two of you to get back together and won't accept anyone else off the bat. It's actually good that she kept the son from meeting him, you don't want her introducing your son to everyone she meets/dates when single. Now that it is more serious and going to be a more permanant thing it is a good time to introduce them. I have a friend who takes all her dates to the movies with her kids, then they are disappointed when the relationship is just a date or two. The best thing that you can do is to be supportive of your ex for your son's sake. And still be there for your son. Just let him know that the New Guy isn't stepping in as his father, you are his father and that won't change. Tell him to give it a try. Talk to your ex if possible and let her know what's going on. They should try to include him on some outings and let him see that the guy may not be so bad after all. If your son still has problems I would seek some counseling for him. Most insurance will pay for it. Good Luck!
2007-03-12 06:56:49 · answer #2 · answered by jtaylor1993 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
All you can do it try to make the situation better. You sound like you really love your son, so be his soft place. Let him come to you when things are less than ideal. Speak to your attorney and find out at what age the judge will allow the child to make a decision on where he wishes to reside. Until then , offer only positive solutions and when he is old enough he will live with you and cherish you for being the one person that put him first.
2007-03-12 07:06:32 · answer #3 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your ex has every right to live her life with, and how she choices, no one not even your son has to like it.
In a perfect world she would have done a better job with the transition but she didn't. Here's where you can be the bigger person and help your son understand that his mommy still loves him and that he should want his mom to be happy and live her life.
He doesn't need a friend siding with him he needs adult fatherly guidance. Maybe all he's really looking for is to make sure your ok, and showing you his father real loyalty.
These things are hard on everyone.
2007-03-12 06:59:41 · answer #4 · answered by cream city chick 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i agree with you the child should be able to tell his mom he doesn't like the guy but let me play devils advocate here,she might not have wanted to introduce the man to your son until she was sure herself that the relationship was going somewhere,as for spying on the two of you that's just creepy but he might have been watching to see how the two of you inner-react to see what he could do to help get closer to your son if your ex told him what the boy told her with all that said the little boy is number one in the whole story he should be thought of whats best for him before any of the adults.try to be there for him but try very hard not to feed your feelings into the situation he needs to be allowed to decide for himself if he likes this man or not and remember if your not married now you will be at some point and he might feel the same about your choice in spouse.
2007-03-12 07:18:41 · answer #5 · answered by patbgone 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You didn't say how old your son is. Is he old enough to choose to live with you? Would she give you custody? It's unfortunate when a parent finds a new spouse that doesn't fit well with their child. I am a firm believer in 'children come first'. However not everyone believes the same.
You should get counselling for your son so he can have professional help to get through his feelings. Be there for him whenever he needs you. Don't talk bad about your ex or her boyfriend, but listen to anything he has to say. It is important that he is able to share his feelings freely with you.
Talking to the mother will get you nowhere, if she didn't listen to the child she certainly won't listen to you.
2007-03-12 06:58:33 · answer #6 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are being a drama queen. Should have thought about this when you didn't do what it took to keep your family together. Now you want to blame everything on some other guy who wasn't even in the picture when you and your then wife conceived your son.
Your son in 8! How is he so much in the loop about all of this. YOU are making this something that it's not.
2007-03-12 06:53:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Be a father and fight for custody. It sounds like your son is old enough to have some say so in which parent he lives with. While it may inhibit your freedom at first, many women will praise you for doing the right thing with your son.
Good luck :-)
2007-03-12 06:56:53 · answer #8 · answered by Captain Jack ® 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I dont know what age your son is. If he is a teenager, he can hang out more with friends and you. Its lame for his mother to marry someone he doesnt like, but he doesnt have a choice either. If I knew his age I could give you a better answer. Sorry
2007-03-12 06:56:10 · answer #9 · answered by dakota_gal_1968 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
the best thing for your son is if everyone gets along. Set a good example and try to be supportive.
2007-03-12 06:53:10 · answer #10 · answered by Angela C 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋