Needs Advice On First Time Marriage?

Question

I am engaged and getting married next October, and I am seeking advice on first time marriages, like I wanted to know from those of you who have been married more then once your experiences and provide me with some advice, Serious answers , any answers appreciated.

Answer 1

1. Stop calling it "first time marriage". This makes it sound like you are already thinking about a later one. It's your marriage. It doesn't become your "first marriage" unless you get married again someday.

2. Remember that your first couple of years will be the two of you establishing yourself, financially, emotionally, and sort of setting out boudaries for yourselves. If you are like most, years 2-5 will be some of the worst in your marriage.

3. Communicate. Sounds silly, but be HONEST. If you are happy, tell him. If you aren't, don't tell him.
If he brings you flowers and you say nothing, don't expect to get them again.
If he burps in your face and you say nothing, expect him to do it again.

4. Trust. Trust each other and be trustworthy. Don't be out to ruin eachother or check up constantly, but also don't behave in ways that encourage suspicion.

5. Love and be lovable. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

6. Don't say anything that you will regret. NEVER say "I hate you" or "I wish I had never married you". No matter HOW angry you are.

7. Don't leave the house in a fight unless there is actual violence.

8. Don't go out socially without your spouse and get drunk.

9. Don't attach yourself emotionally to another man/woman.

10. Don't lie. Don't hide things from your spouse.

11. The marriage is 1ST. Kids are 2ND. The rest of your families are 3rd.

12. Have sex. Often. Even if you are not feeling "warm and fuzzy" and even if you are not getting along well. Be open to new ideas. Once in a while, make it ALL about whatever makes your spouse feel good, taking pleasure only in their pleasure.

13. NEVER use sex as a punishment.

14. It may seem obvious, but never cheat on your spouse. AT ALL. I don't care how drunk you were.

15. If you have single friends who act like tramps, your husband is not going to like you going out partying with them.

Bottom line: Make your husband your top priority and expect him to do the same for you. Always think: what can I do that will make him smile?

Good luck. I wish you the best.

Answer 2

The main reason for marriage is for two people to commit for a relationship for a lifetime. If you really think that this is the person you want to get married to and live with forever, think of it as your only marriage, not your first marriage. It will be a work in progress, there'll be time of turmoil, time of joy, etc., like the wedding vow states. As long as both of you are willing to work together on everything now, expect to work together on issues later when you're married. I hope that you are involving a wedding counsellor now to help you determine whether you and your fiance are compatible, make certain that he is not one to abuse you later on in life, or the other way around. You want to know that he is really the one before you jump into your first marriage.

Answer 3

Make sure you both are ready for this, unless there is going to be more numerated marriages.
1. never ever put your hands on each other in anger
2. respect each other always
3. try to have discussions before they turn into a fight
4. never lie, or hide anything from each other, the exceptions to this rule is Christmas and your birthdays, then lying and hiding thing are encouraged
5. Say I love every time you part, to work, to sleep, etc. you never know when it will be the last time you see them. plus they never wonder how you feel.
6. If your going to cheat, you must agree to get out of the relationship first.
7. Always put each other first, then no ones left behind


These are just a few that my newlywed wife and I live by after only 12yrs. of marriage.

Answer 4

If you don't know what to do in a marriage than you don't need to be getting married. You don't need to be told what to do just be happy and you'll feel your way through . No two marriage or the same, other marriage all work different, you have to work your own marriage. First, second or third are all the same you and your partner just make it work the way you want not the way someone works theirs out. You just clean house, cook and make mad, mad love that all it is playing house., you'll learn real fast like.

Answer 5

Calling it a first time marriage speaks volumes about your attitude. I think you know he isn't the right person, or it isn't the right time.

Bon V, I think it is sexist to say a woman must dress up and must never be seen with more than a hair out of place. My fiancé loves me for me, and while I do make an effort for him and always try to, sometimes he will see me when I'm not at my best and vice-versa. That is a very superficial way of looking at marriage.

Answer 6

make shore you don,t bring bad memory's in the relationship don,t talk a bout pass mustakes, when haveing a fight.all ways rember you are two people not one don,t boss each other around, make shore you guys respect each other.think first befor you tell what is on your mind,rember why you feel in love with each other,don,t put other peoples behavors efect your nowto your partener.make a date once a week for each other.let the other peson have a time out or let them walk to think, don,t stop them,don,t live on the cumputer,fighting 3 times a week is not good.don,t change a person, or boss them a round. good luck.it better to divorce then to cheat on your spouse 87% chance that the marrage will not last 5 years in 10 years of marrage 77% chance the man will have a affair, 42 % chance a woman will do the same. if he cheats once some will not if you forgive them once but if her dose it twice then it,s not going to work and it time to leave,

Answer 7

Go to church and make God the center of your relationship. Make friendships with other happily married women. Build your man up don't tear him down, dress like a lady, dress's, high heels, skirts, perfume, get your nails and hair done. Or he could stray it's hard for a man to resist temptation when there lady let's herself go. Be a soft palce to fall for him. Read a lot so you can stay up on current events that you can talk about. Don't ever let your anger get the best of you.
"Forgiveness is the fragrance a violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it" Good question and Best of Wish's to you!

Answer 8

Why do you only want advice from people who have had failed marriages? Why not people who have had one successful marriage?

I am married (one successful marriage) and here are somethings you should know.

These are the key things to a good lasting relationship:

Trust
Honesty
Commitment
Communication
Loyalty
Respect
Friendship
Love
Compromise

Don't expect a fairy tale. No one is perfect. You will argue. Do not let divorce be an option.

Answer 9

Put God first...Go to an "engagement encounter weekend" have the tools for a successful marriage before you get started. Remember love is an "action", not just a "feeling". You have a choice. Choose to love your husband even when you don't feel like it. Good luck and...never ever say the "D" word!

Answer 10

I guess if you're going into thinking this is your "First time" then you have some reservations about the person you are marrying.

Ask yourself why you are marrying this person in the first place.

When I got married it was going to be for the rest of my life. It didn't work out that way. I didnt' let that experience stop me from remarrying either.

So it depends on how you look at it. If you go in with a defeatist attitude you are already at the door of Divorce.

I hope this helps.