Over reacted?

Question

My friend of 8 years has been lodging with me and my boyfriend for the past 2 months, we decided to throw her a party for her 20th.
All went fine until she decided to invite her x and his new gf along with a few other not so appropriate guests.
As we were trying to get the last people to leave it all kicked off between her and the x!
She trashed my living room whilst throwing stuff at him.

I made her clean the entire house, and I've asked her to leave a.s.a.p.
Im really gutted our friendship has ended in this way and can't help but wonder if I have over-reacted???

As of yet how ever I haven't had a sober apology!

What would you have done?

Since this weekend, she has started moving out her things. She asked me to let her know how much she owes me in final rent and any damages!

She has had to move in with a guy that she was 'seeing' (who was also involved in the trouble).

She completely cleaned the house from top to bottom after the party, although I still haven't had the apology I was hoping for.

Answer 1

Exactly the same thing! Irrespective of how long you have been friends, it was unforgiveable for her to treat you and your boyfriend's home in that manner. She has shown you no respect whatsoever, and is totally in the wrong. I wouldn't consider anyone a friend if they were willing to treat me with so little thought. I wouldn't feel bad, she's the one who has trashed your relationship, not you. Good luck.

Answer 2

No you didn't over react. The big mistake you made was not to turf her out there and then. If her behaviour was through alcolhol and afterwards she was ashamed, sorrowful, apologetic etc then just MAYBE you could have gave her one more chance. However, seems she is not in the least remorseful and if she does apologise now it really is too late as you will never know if it was just because she wants to continue to have a roof over her head. Unless you were desperate for money and needed a lodger to be honest the situation of her moving in wasn't the best of ideas. Your boyfriend must have the patience of a saint still allowing her to stay. She must have farmily or other friends somewhere so now you give her the EXACT date she has got to be out, preferably within the week. If you do need to rent the accommodation advertise it right away and this time ensure you get a deposit in case of damage to your property. Also you should be giving her a bill for damages although it she had the least bit of decency she would already be working out how much she owes you.

Answer 3

I think you reacted exactly how i would have done! It's your house and your rules apply. Firstly it was very nice of you to let her stay with you, what a good friend you are! Secondly, why would it even cross her mind to invite an ex and his new girlfriend?! How weird! I think she has completely disrespected you and your boyfriend. I would go mad if that had happened to me, I know how house proud you get when it's your own house. She definatley owes you an apology whilst sober if your friendship is going to recover, and I do agree with an earlier comment that she may have some problems that she needs your help with. So on that you may wish to sit down and find out if there is something very wrong with her. But I would think very carefully before trusting her again, Good luck x

Answer 4

I would give her a second chance but would still like to have a sober apology. Sit down and talk to her about it. It's up to you if she lives with you and your boyfriend but usually a good idea not to, two's company three's a crowd especially if one of those is your boyfriend. We are all guilty of saying things and doing things through drink but if it is happening all the time then something has to be done. Hopefully this was a one off, it was a bit of a volcano awaiting to erupt if you ask me. Maybe it's time to make a clean break as far as the housing situation is concerned but you can still talk and tell her that you don't want to lose her friendship. Everyone needs a good friend.

Answer 5

First things first, you were in the right on this one. Given that this was your house, she should have asked before she invited over anyone else. Not doing so, birthday party or not, was rude and disrespectful to you and your bf.

Second, that girl owes you a MAJOR apology. She trashed YOUR home, and YOUR stuff. She probably owes you money as well, if for nothing else but the damages.

You did the right thing asking her to leave. She'll be bitter until she's moved out and moved on. I think she'll come around though. That was very immature of her.

As for the apology, though it's owed to you, I wouldn't hold my breath for one. It'll probably come, but it'll be awhile. Her ego's bruised right now.

Answer 6

Sounds like your friend overstepped he mark and outstayed her welcome.If i was in your shoes i would have done exactly the same thing,you offered her a place to stay and even threw her a party.In return she threw that back in your face by inviting people but not any kind of people but her ex and his new girlfriend,yeah that's a recipe for disaster and guess what that's what happened.I don`t think you over reacted and i do think your owed an apology but sounds like that so called friend of yours won`t do that.I think your friendship has ended for a very good reason and at the end of the day it has taught you a valuable lesson..........

Answer 7

sounds quite fair to me, but at the end of the day it depends how much you value your friendship with her. she was well out of order trashing your place. you say she hasn't apologised yet which says she doesn't value you or your property much and she could have just been using you to provide her with a roof over her head. Don't feel too bad its all part of life and probably for the best in the long run.

you can have friends, but having them living with you 24/7 is another matter. I had a similar situation a few years ago. everything was fine at first but it went a little pair shaped and we no longer keep in touch.

Answer 8

i probably would have reacted in the same way. She should apologise and offer to pay for any damages. Kicking her out may be a bit harsh, depending on if she has somewhere else to go and was it a one off incident that she now regrets. I would try to talk to her and see if you can salvage the friendship, but if she isn't sorry or can't see that what she has done is wrong then your probably best of out of it

Answer 9

How dare she throw your hospitality in your face! She has no respect, and if the type of people she invited to the party are the sort of company she prefers, you are well rid of ther. Just be thankful these people are not coming to visit her when you are out.

She is the one who should be gutted, but she probably doesn't have the grace to feel it, let alone offer an apology.

Answer 10

Youve known this person for eight years! Put yourself in her shoes? I think you over reacted BUT there is faults on both sides here. She should have appologised straight away and not brought her X back if she thought it would cause probs, I do think you were right to have ago at her but you might have reacted a little too much. I think you should make up she probably needs you right now, after all youve got a boyfriend she hasnt.