Women only, how can I stop feeling intimidated by these types of females?

Question

I'm a average african american female. I go to school with "drop dead gorgeous white females".The majority of them come from good homes and are well off. I feel so out of place I want to drop out. And find another school that has more diversity. Unfortunately that is not an option for me considering the course is paid in full. I have alway's allowed my low self steem to control my life. This is the one time I cannot let it ruin my future. I recently joined a fitness class, and had a consultation with a plastic surgeon to have two procedures done. To help improve my appearance. Even though I know I cant afford this. I have a male/friend that is willing to pay for me to have this done. Deep down inside no matter how good you look on the outside. It's how you feel within. Honestly I feel that after surgery I will still have low self esteem. I'm interested in hearing from other females who may have been in a simuliar situation. How did you handle this, and what was the outcome?

No, sarcastic answers please!

Answer 1

First of all, a good plastic surgeon will recognize your emotional state and won't perform the surgery. And I hope that is what happens, unless you really want it.

I actually have experience from the opposite end of the spectrum. I went to a school where white people were the minority. Most of the black girls at my old school were purposely intimidating and rude. I don't understand why people act like that. To me, in that situation, it was clearly a racial matter. And it's not like I'm griping about experiencing that, but I don't see why anyone would want to establish relations amongst races in such a way. It seems, the goal of many of their ancestors was to erase the lines of hatred and ignorance between black and white people, yet these ignorant people are, maybe not purposely, trying to erase progress that has been towards the cause.

I can imagine our situation is similar, unless someone is actually saying racist things to you, that would obviously makes yours a bit more intense. Either way, a lot of the ridicule I received ceased once I gained a bit of confidence. Actually, I dont think I gained confidence for a while after that, I just acted like I had it.

Walk with your head up and smile, and who cares, really, what the hell they think? I bet you're beautiful, and if you don't think so, I bet at least one other person in this world does. The popular girls are popular because they exude confidence and it intimidates other people, so why can't you be that way..... minus the negative image of bitchiness.

And there is no reason to put yourself in a financial bind for a few surgeries that you really don't need. If you decide you really want them, wait until the time is right financially so that YOU can pay for them, and not struggle to pay for your priorities as well. I know it doesn't seem like someone will want something in return if they pay for something like that, but they always will. Even if it's just the money they want paid back.... you're still paying for it in some way, maybe with your bank account, or your dignity. Who knows what he will ask for?

Don't miss out on an opportunity to excel at a great school. When you come out on top, a lot more people will be impressed with what you did, not one of the many rich white girls, they all can do it, but you're facing more adversity than they are and will still come out on top.

Already, by feeling the way you do, you've probably accomplished more in your life time as far as thoughts and emotions go, than they will in any of theirs. The best thing to do is accept the situation and either live with it..... or deal with it.....take control, be your own person.

Maybe all you need is a change in your wardrobe to change your attitude.... perhaps that guy friend of yours can help you out with THAT. I know as soon as I could afford to buy the things I wanted, clothes wise, my confidence really started growing.

Answer 2

Average American female here too. I think most women have some sort of self-esteem problem. Comes from impossibly high standards set by all forms of media. The women you think are gorgeous probably think they are fat, have big noses, boobs are too small, etc. All you can really do is keep that in mind and know that they are faking their confidence sometimes too. Keep your head up. They are just as good as you - but NOT better. Money doesn't change that. I sure wouldn't get plastic surgery based on a couple college girls. It would be cheaper to go to an image consultant if you're really wanting a new look. Someone who can help you choose clothes, colors and makeup that looks best on you. Knowing you look good can give you a boost, but knowing you are smart, talented and proud of who you are is an even bigger boost. Took me a long time to get over feeling hurt and inferior until I realized that no one can make you feel inferior without YOUR permission. I was letting them do this to me. Don't let them do it to you.

Answer 3

Maybe you shouldn't think that there is something wrong with your appearance just because you're in a school that lacks diversity. It's good that you joined a fitness class, but I wouldn't consider any plastic surgery. You shouldn't decide on taking such drastic measures just because people judge you by your looks, especially if you can't afford it. And I think you should judge yourself by your own criteria, not by those established by others. I think you're being too hard on yourself. I've experienced it on my own skin and I know it's difficult to live in a comunity where people don't tolerate diversity. People can get cruel if they feel that somehow they are superior. The good part is that, if they have such an attitude, they're actually inferior. Either way, I think you should care less about such people and not want to fit in their group if you know they will only act the same way towards another like you. Good luck, and I hope you'll solve your problem without any plastic surgery.
Kiss ;)

Answer 4

I think you have to stop comparing youself to these "drop dead gorgeous white females". Besides the fact that you're of a different race you've mentioned that you've had a different upbringing. The fact is, you ARE different and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!! In fact, that is special and you should embrace that you are an unique individual. You have so much to offer in that you've grown up differently and you probably view the world a whole heck of lot different than these girls. Also, don't think that they have it better because you think they are "beautiful" or are well off. That doesn't make them any better than you!! Learn to appreciate the person that you are and remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Answer 5

I have felt this same way all my life. But, I'm also at the point in my life where I must be happy with who I am, how I look, how I respond to people and worry more about getting ahead in life rather than looks. I've also been able to attract men, and I've got lots of great friends. Just because you don't feel drop dead gorgeous, doesn't mean someone isn't looking at you thinking "Damn!!! She's drop dead gorgeous". Trust me, there will always be someone out there staring at you thinking this. May not seem like it, but it's true. Unfortunately it took me until I was 35 to figure that out. You are young, and still maturing. You don't need surgery, you just need to believe in yourself.

Answer 6

I have no problem with how I look... Well that's a lie, I have pimples and I've gained like 50lbs in the last 3 years. But I'm happy. I don't care that I'm heavier than I used to be, I don't care that I have pimples on my face, I don't care if I'm not as "gorgeous" as the girl two rows over. I'm happy with myself. I like who I am, I like who I'll become.

Surgery will not solve your problems. You need to love yourself. You need to realize that you are a beautiful person. And even if you did get that surgery, you're right, it will not fix your problems. You'll just find something else you don't like about yourself and have the cut that off or add something here... It will never end.

Take a self-esteem class. Don't get surgery.

Answer 7

Listen, do not have any surgery done. Save your money for more important things. That's how god made you, don't tamper with your looks... the surgery might even cost you your life! I have a low self esteem but people around me always remind me of my good qualities. I look myself in the mirror and tell myself I have to accept my flaws. They make me unique. Men like diversity, so don't worry about those females.

Answer 8

listen. do you want to change yourself, be someone different and then have a man look at you and be attracted to you when he doesn't like you for you but for thousands of dollars being spent on you. I am a white girl and to be honest I would love to have dark skin. I think it is so beautiful. As for your face and body just clean up you diet, do a good amount of exercise and smile. A girl that feels confident looks beautiful. And one day you will find someone who loves you just the way you are. I know this really nice song called Plain by ZOEgirl. you should check it out.

Answer 9

You know what, just focus on yourself. Don't let other females 'intimidate' you. Be unique as you are. You are getting an education, it's not a beauty pageant. It's not about them, it's about you. It's time to shine. It doesn't matter where they come from, how their lives have been, how much money they have. I wouldn't care about that. I would just focus on my education, and focus on my health and wellness. If people don't like me, nor want to know me, then too bad for them.

You are on your way for doing something good for yourself, like joining a fitness class. That is healthy for you anyways. You get to meet new people in that class. Make friends in your school, that will make you believe you are special in your own way, liking you for yourself.

As for self-esteem issues, learn to forgive, give yourself positive affirmations, what are you proud of? What are you accomplishments? What do you like about yourself? Write it all down if you need to.

Answer 10

i'm sorry you are feeling this way about yourself.

my psychology teacher taught us that the best way to improve ones attitude, is to tell yourself how you want to feel. when someone asks you how you are, say great instead of good. she also told us when we look at ourselves in the mirror, to tell ourselves "today is going to be a great day. i am blessed. i am beautiful". i know this worked in the sense that it made me a much happier person.

try speaking to a counselor at your school? i dont think surgery is the way to go for you. you need to be comfortable in your own skin. surgery wont change the way you feel, just the way you look.

try excercising. this helps a lot as well.

good luck. and be happy!