boundaries at work?

Question

the type of job i do, means being the type of person who can have fun,be outgoing, yet proffessional all at the same time,
ive worked there for 3 years,and have loved it,
ive always been attracted to my manager,and at the beginning i was upst and he squeezed my hand, but recently hes made all these rules just for me which make my work hard, for example he says i talk to much,and not to speak to other staff, especially him at work, this has coused an atmosphere,because were just avoiding eachother,
i was upset last week and rang the big boss who luckiliy is a woman, and now he just says its out of my hands, i sugested we sort it out and some of the things were unrealistic,what he was expecting, he makes me feel like normal behaviour amongst staff is wrong, is it me or is he just odd, he says that hes just trying to get the boundarys right, although i thing maybe hes beign over the top,

i havnt really noticed what might have changed recently, as he does it in a nice,but subtle way, its just when i say to other staff id better ot speak, also we just have 2 rooms at work,and were constantly in opposite rules, another worker said the other day, hes sick of whatever it is thats going on with us, to stop it,and all i said as i was leaving wa, he makes the rules,and im just sticking to them ,,,then left, afterwards, the other guy told me he got a bollocking and to to interfere,as its none of his buisiness, but this guy thinks hes out of order the way he is with me,

i dont want to to take it futher,or get him in trouble,
i actually, although he treats me bad, still like him, he can be really nice.i also feel rubbish because after i rang the big boss,who then spoke to him, he had a mtng with me,and said that id gone over his head.i just said sorry,and he was fine,and we had a good,no atmosphere session,

Answer 1

he has a miscommunication with his inner self. He likes You so much that he fears someone else to notice, specially You or Your co-workers, so he must disguise these feelings by doing what he is doing

Answer 2

You didn't really say what you do for a living. You said you are attracted to him. You said he squeezed your hand because you were upset. Did you take that as a sign that he likes you as more than an employee? What did you think it meant?

What upset you so much that you went above his head?

Most bosses don't want you to spend your time at work socializing. It's not what they pay you for. You socialize during breaks and after work.

There should be boundaries between employees and bosses.
It is never a good idea to get personally/sexually involved with your boss.

After reading your additional Details, I have to wonder if you are having or had a relationship with this person outside of work. It almost sounds like you are complaining to co-works about him. That would not be professional. In many businesses there are rules against management dating staff.

If he's avoiding you at work, let him go. Leave it alone and stop telling your co-workers your problems. If you have to talk about him do it with friends outside of work that are not co-workers. If he is treating you so badly why you are still attracted to him? Move on and find a guy that will respect you and treat you right. Don’t wait around hoping he will change.

Answer 3

Having experience being a nice manager has put me in a similar situation over the years. When ever, I have had to reel in the type of activity you speak of (having fun on the job), it's always been a real challenge.

When I've been directed to correct the atmosphere in the office or in the field, I really stress over how I should start or where I should start. (What I'm telling you is something most manager will not admit to...egos are just to large). I generally have to fall back on honesty and start approaching everyone involved with the plain truth. Most managers won't do this, like it's a sin to let anyone know you have feelings or could be looked at as weak. But it has been effective for me over the years. One person at a time gets my spiel on how to act and what is not acceptable behavior. Generally I end up with complete agreement from subordinates.

Your current manager does not know this type of technique or refuses to bow to it. What ever the reason, you should understand that it's probably his way of getting it done. And, just so you know: Upper level management saying "it's out of their hands" are just passing the buck and are not acting in a accountable, responsible or authoritative way. They are not managing, they are waiting for next payday.

Answer 4

Honestly?? I see how you ramble on... maybe you talk way too much and people are getting tired of hearing from you all the time and this is just a polite way of saying he can't stop you from talking but doesn't want to continue to hear from you all the time.
Theres a fine line between employer and employee which can not be crossed, maybe you need to just leave well enough alone and stop trying to force your opinions on people who just want to do their jobs and go home. Sometimes a person who is always trying to evaluated every situation gets a reputation as being a form of cancer in the company..

Answer 5

You appear to be a victim of bullying, unreasonable behaviour and sexual harrassment. This is causing you stress in your job and you have recourse to the law under the Stress at Work Act. Senior management are wrong in not taking up your complaint. Talk to local CAB and seek legal advice. Things will not get better and could result in you being too upset to carry on.
Your company should have an Equal Opportunities Policy and a Stress Policy to protect you and your colleagues.

Answer 6

He probably senses that you are attracted to him which made him uncomfortable. I can't say for what reasons because I am not in the situation. Maybe he has a significant other you do not know about, maybe he doesn't want to fraternize with co-workers, or maybe he is just a homosexual. Either way, just give him the space he wants and it will blow over. If it doesn't, maybe contact his boss and see if there is another area you could be moved to.

Answer 7

Hi,
I think that something must have happened recently to change the dynamics in your working relationship with your manager, as you have worked there for three years and have previously been happy. Can you think what might have changed? I think finding the answer to this question may help you solve the problem. His behaviour does sound unusual for some-one in management.

Answer 8

Sounds like either his wife or his boss has had a tlak with him about you. Maybe what you do makes it look like you are nto actually workig which is a bad reflection on him. Also, it could look like you are taking the p ss a bit or advantage of him letting you get away with mucking up for too long.