I went and bought a drafting table (24"-30") for my daughter, spent $40 on it. No, I didn't tell my wife 'cause I knew the answer would be NO we don't need it. She likes to draw and we talked about setting up an art room, so I went and got it. When I brought home, she yells at me take it back, I yell back it's for our daughter, Arguements ensues, she follows up and down the house and tries to get me to stop opening the box. I'm cutting the tape off the box and her finger got in the way and was minorly cut. She screams and I blew it by saying "It's your fault, you shouldn't have stuck your hand there.while I was cutting". Well, we're separated. I really didn't mean to cut her. It was an accident. Nothing like this has ever happened before. We are going to counseling. The therapist said it was controlling of me to bring home something big (24" x 30"??) like that without telling her. I admit I should have said something and discussed it. Is that controlling? Am I an abuser?
2007-03-12 06:10:57 · 22 answers · asked by prouddaddy 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Our counseller doesn't say anything about how my wife takes $100000 of our savings and plops into the house that she is staying right now w/o any input from me. I find it pretty interesting. She also bought $1100 dinette set w/o telling me. I've always been the one to encourage her spending our money. I don't care about the money. But I'm the controlling one??
2007-03-12 06:13:19 · update #1
I don't think you are an abuser, and if your wife wanted you to consider her feeling on the art table, then she should have consulted you on the dinette table.
2007-03-12 06:16:50 · answer #1 · answered by Celeste P 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, you don't sound controlling to me. If she is spending all this money without telling you then there should be no issue when you do the same. And if the cutting was truly an accident then don't worry about it.. It doesn't mean anything except accidents happen. I've had someone hurt me before, but it was on accident. She's just blowing it out of proportion to make herself look good. And as far as buying something like that for your daughter.. BUY it! Atleast she's being creative and likes to draw unlike most people these days. I'd divorce her a s s. Team Prouddaddy!
2007-03-12 13:18:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the two of you are on the right track by attending counseling. I don't know enough about the situation to say who is more controlling. I will say that unless your daughter had a drafting table, I don't see the harm in the gift since it wasn't for you or your wife. Did you get it just because you knew your wife would say no? If so- when do the two of you compromise!
2007-03-12 13:19:21 · answer #3 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt sound like from this example that you really are, there must be some other situations or goings on that were in the mix for those words to have been used as an acusations. Then I could tell ya, but reguardless as with most couples it comes down to wether the two of you can effectively communicate or not and also wether the two of you want to communicate and make it happen, and when one does and the other doesnt or you do at different times it just doesnt seem to work and well really wont, good luck though Kim
2007-03-12 13:16:34 · answer #4 · answered by KIMBUR 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mean she left you because you bought your daughter something that she enjoys and is educational. If that is all it takes, a little slip and she had her finger bleeding where it shouldn't been in the first place. Your marriage was in trouble to start with, she wants her cake and eat it to. I don't think your controlling she is the on that wants to control everything. I don't think that counselor is going to help one bit , everybody always says see a counselor that to me is like seeing a Psychiatrist, most of them are having more problems than you are, cause their goofy to start with. They charge $150.00 or more an hour for a service you can do better yourself. If there is a problem in a marriage you don't tell me a stranger is going to sit there and figure it all for you because your not going to tell them everything anyway. Try to work it out between you two, you need to have a legal separation and see for yourself if you want to stay together or not.
2007-03-12 13:37:15 · answer #5 · answered by Nicki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like there were a lot of other things going on, but knowing just what I've read, you don't sound any more controlling than your wife. If you are both spending money without telling the other, there is either be a degree of trust between you (doesn't sound like it), or you both just want to prove to the other that you can do what you want without permission. It seems like you were trying to show her she couldn't control YOU, not that you were controlling her. The cutting sounds like a total accident, but since your wife seems like an angry person, you just need to keep going to counseling if you really want it to work out. You both need to be willing to fix things, though.
2007-03-12 13:35:43 · answer #6 · answered by heatre24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would you like some cheese with this whine?
If your wife is sooo evil, why in the hell did you marry her and had a bunch of kids with her? I mean, c'mon dude... You post several questions per day telling people how controlling and selfish and this and that your wife is. Get a grip on reality - you *chose* her to be your wife and the mother of your children. Stop pointing a finger at her, and take a long hard look at yourself. Why did YOU choose to be in such a dysfunctional relationship? Before your relationships can change, you need to change yourself. Blaming each other is not gonna get you anywhere. Take a full responsibility for your choices, and think how YOU can make things better - not how to change HER to make things better.
2007-03-12 13:25:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are letting your daughter control you. When you buy something for her that you knew that she would not approve of you are putting your child before your wife. That hits her in the face with you not asking and discussing it with her. Plus you child is more important and rules the house not the two of you. She takes it out on you by making purchases with out discussing it with you to get even. You too need to get together and make a list of what is important to you too. Not your daughter!!! You both have to agree what goes on in the house Do not let your daughter in the middle of this. If mom says no Dad should say no. If not your marriage does not have a chance.
2007-03-12 14:32:52 · answer #8 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It dosent sound like this is an issue of being controlling or an abuser. It sound's like the two of you might be better off apart for a long time- maybe forever? She shouldn't spend money the way she is. I don't think you buying a drafting table was wrong. It sound's like from what she did she has the control issues?! Have you abused her in the past? It sound's like she is trying to get even with you for something. I don't know but it isn't fair for your daughter to watch her parents fight.
2007-03-12 13:18:28 · answer #9 · answered by Amy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your either, I just think you care about your daughter's interest and want to encourage. I do think you shold have talked to your wife about ot first. On your wife, since you already made the purchase and it would've been put to use, she should've let it go but made sure you talked to her before any future purchases like that. And she blew the cut out of proportion!!!!!!!!! It was an accident, it wasn't that serious.
2007-03-12 13:23:44 · answer #10 · answered by Vonne W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋