My wife got drunk and made out with another man at a bar. She hugely regrets the act. How can I get past it?

Question

We Love each other sooooo much and have been married for almost seven years. We are best friends, are with each other all the time, and have no jealousy or wants besides each other. She sadly confessed immediately to me in the hopes that I would understand and that we could get through it. I Love her so much and she returns the gesture. I truly believe her because she never drinks and never looks outside the marriage. She is not flirt, nor does she have agendas. She has never done anything like this before. I have forgiven her because I truly, truly feel it was a mistake. If she was sober I am confident that she would not have even been talking to the guy. I can tell that she regrets the action so bad and has made no excuses whatsoever. She knows the hurt she caused me is so deep in our relationship. Am I overreacting? It was a hurtful action, but it could have been worse. I have already forgiven her, but how do I get past the pain?

We Love each other sooooo much and have been married for almost seven years. We are best friends, are with each other all the time, and have no jealousy or wants besides each other. She sadly confessed immediately to me in the hopes that I would understand and that we could get through it. I Love her so much and she returns the gesture. I truly believe her because she never drinks and never looks outside the marriage. She is not flirt, nor does she have agendas. She has never done anything like this before. I have forgiven her because I truly, truly feel it was a mistake. If she was sober I am confident that she would not have even been talking to the guy. I can tell that she regrets the action so bad and has made no excuses whatsoever. She knows the hurt she caused me is so deep in our relationship. Am I overreacting? It was a hurtful action, but it could have been worse. I have already forgiven her, but how do I get past the pain? (She was at a work function)

Answer 1

You should go make out with another woman. Face it, its over ! she will do it again and again and again. Why are you still with her ? you are married that sacred vow has been broken. You might want to take out a life insurance policy on her and possibly take her on a vaction to Aruba and leave her alone in the bar. Maybe she will meet Natalie Holloways boyfriend

Answer 2

It will take awile for u to get over the pain. It just wont go away overnight. And whether u would like to admit it or not u might have even lost some of the trust u had before. It will be a slow process and she will have to understand that. Take it a day at a time. Also i am sorry to say but many times u know what ur doing when u are drunk. It just so happens to give u the courage to do things u would not normally have the courage to do. Being drunk is also an excuse for many actions we do while in that state. I think u guys need to talk and ot just leave it at "oh she was just drunk. Its ok."
I hope everything works out because u really seem to love her.

I just read ur revision and saw that she was at a work function . Sorry hun but that makes it even worse because she probably did this with someone she already had a crush on and had probably been thinking about.

Answer 3

Assuming everything you said is correct and true, then you have to move on.

If she doesn’t drink, this was a one time drinking problem.

If she really loves you, this was a one time mistake.

But now you have something important to do. If you really love her, and want to forgive her, and you know she is sorry and also loves you and wants to change things, then you two need to talk a lot about it.

There are many things to discuss. To start with, why did she go out drinking by herself on the first place. Then you have to move on into what feelings she has and what problems she has. Obviously she is not 100% happy in the relation, because being drunk doesn’t mean you can go and do whatever you want.

Usually when you are drunk, your inhibitions are cut off, so you do what you normally wouldn’t do. And usually you become very honest with your actions. So if this applies to her, deeper in her mind she wanted to have some kind of adventure.

So, you two need to find out the reasons, and if there is any, then solutions to the problem, as even if she is sorry, she still has that problem inside and could happen again, and will hurt not only you, but herself too.

If you are really sure she is honest (the way you described it, I think you are, and I think she is as well), then you need to concentrate on helping her out. You need to find out what was she feeling when all that happened, and you two need to try to find out why she did it.

Forgiving and leaving it as it is would be a mistake. If the results are simple, and you two agree she was just “happy” and wanted to have an adventure, then things are better as all you two need to do is to be creative and do some “wild” adventures together. This is necessary as we are humans and we have needs, so instead of denying then, is better to confront them, and do something about it. She will probably be ok after having some extra fun with you, which it could be also some fantasy like making out with an estranger. So you would impersonate that estranger (this is as long you are ok with it of course)

On the other hand, if you two decide that there are deeper problems, then you need to work them out, and even get help with doctors if you must. Our minds are more complicated than what we think, and denying it will only make things worse.

Either way, you must accept what is happening, and be ready to confront it. If you wife is honest, then she needs your help, not your hate. She probably wants to be with you until the end, and she is probably hurting inside right now, so you both need to talk and help each other.

Do not listen to those that say is over, or that is she cheats once, she will do it again and again.

All those people have no clue about life yet, and will not make a good husband or wife anytime soon if they keep on thinking like that.

We are humans, we make mistakes, and is up to us to correct them and more important, accept them and learn from them. And when you marry, you agree to help and share everything with your significant other, and that means sharing the mistakes too, and learning from them, and helping each other becoming a better person and a better couple all together.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I did this to my husband. It was so dumb! I was super sorry and honestly, because of the drinking,didn't really remember it clearly either. ( I think that made it worse for my husband though) He probably got over it by not thinking about it. Of course it was all he thought of for the first couple of days, but he would just put it out of his mind. It has been 3 years since it happened. (We had been married for 9 years) He was upset with me, but then turned his enegry towards not liking the man so much. (He was a dad of one of the kids our kids were friends with...so we still have to see him!) The other guy was sober...and MARRIED too. ( I know that this doesnt make it ok and it really didn't get me off the hook, either...I was WRONG!)
Your situation sounds similar to what we went through. The love we have for each other weighs much more than this situation. In a few months it wont hurt so bad...Focus on the good in your relationship. Be grateful that she's not making excuses..she knows it's not ok.
Other people can have relationships where they cheat on each other and feel okay with it. I cant do it and neither can my husband. That's why it was such an awful time for us.
Good luck to you...You have something really good with her.

Answer 5

Even though you have forgiven her, you have to make her work for it. No matter how much you love her. The fact that she did it will always linger on your mind when you two are not together. I think you should be honest with her about the pain you are feeling. Don't hide it. She needs to do things besides talking to make things right. She will need to make a major effort in the form of actions to rebuild that trust again. I'm sorry for your pain, but you can not just forgive, b/c you will not forget. It's possible she could do this again so make her work.

Answer 6

She told you about it and you have chosen to forgive her. You know it was out of her character to do this. The hurt part is only a time and trust thing. It takes time to heal a broken heart and it takes time to get past the pain. If you didn't love her so much it probably wouldn't hurt so much. Be grateful you are in a loving relationship and that your wife loves you so much that she couldn't keep this from you. I don't think you are overreacting at all- the pain eventually goes away. When you fell really bad go to her and tell her, let her comfort and love you through it!!

Answer 7

Wow Dude not overreacting at all!!! I dont know I think I would talk to her and find out why she made out with another man?? Their is more to this than she is telling you!!! To use the excuse that she was drunk dude that is so freakin lame its not even funny!! I would sit down like adults and try to work it out. If the two of you cant discuss it without getting upset yelling etc. I would go for professional help councilor. Not cool not cool at all but trust me on this one she isnt telling you something?? I think you need to know so that you can better understand and make it alright. I mean if you two got married at a really young age and she is feeling unattractive or something?? I dont know?? Just a shot good luck to you.

Answer 8

Talk to her about how you feel. Counseling is always good, too. If you have truly forgiven her, then you should move on.
But if you are having feeling that you need to get out, share them with your wife so she is aware of how you feel. But don't hold it against her, especially if you have forgiven her.
It will ruin your relationship if you are still talking about your feelings 6 months from now. I know from experience that it hurts when the one that you love does something to break your trust. If you and your wife truly want to stay married, then do whatever it takes to get back there. In my situation we went to a marriage counselor and I was very honest with my feelings. It took awhile, but we are back on track and will celebrate 10 years of marriage this year. Our situation happened 6 years ago.
Hang in there.

Answer 9

Well sir it looks like the love is a bit one sided.
There is a theory that a person does nothing drunk that they have not thought of sober, its just that the inhibition is gone.
She has delivered the seven year itch declaration.
The no excuses thing is a BIG red flag.
Her mind is wandering and so is her body now.
It is time to pull in the reins.
No more Mister Nice Guy.

Answer 10

To start with your a better man than I'm. About the only question I have because you guys sound like my wife and I, is what was she doing in a bar? without you?getting drunk? and making out with someone else? Before you can get passed the pain you have to get passed the answers. You still have questions that's why you still have pain. It's kinda like having a thorn in your finger, just because you know there's a thorn in your finger, doesn't make the pain go away. Right? again you have to get passed the answer and remove the thing that's actually hurting.

Hope this helps

Answer 11

First off, dont you know that drinking brings out ones TRUE feelings. In your questions you write she never drinks, well if she never drinks how did she get drunk in the first place. Yes it was just kissing, but......... what will she do the next time she drinks??? Does she plan to never drink again the rest of your marraige. I am not a big drinker, and two drinks is my limit, but if I am talking to someone and I am drinking, in a bar and married, I know not to let it go anywhere. How do you get past it, heck I cant even get past what she did to you, so I have no idea how you plan to look at her everyday. Good luck, I wish you well.