How do you tell an old person they've been conned by a loved one?

Question

My mum is 77. She's been set-up & robbed systematically & I've only cottoned on recently. Her will has been arranged so that if she dies, the beneficiary is the person who has robbed her! She has high blood pressure, she's overweight & house-bound. I don't want to upset her or make her ill. She doesn't like me. The chances are she wont believe me. But I feel I should tell her what's been going on behind her back.
I've been in touch with Elder Abuse (in UK). I believe any complaint has to be made by my mum (that's she's being ripped off).
The total amount of money beguiled from her is £344,000!!!
Please advise me. How can I tell her gently?

Answer 1

There is no easy way to tell her and, as you say, she probably won't believe you. Do you have proof or is it just suspicion? If it is suspicion then I would not tell her, but if you have the proof then I think morally you are duty bound to let her know what is going on. Of course, there is always the situation that she KNOWS but is turning a blind eye as this person will get the money eventually anyway. If you have proof I think you just have to say 'Mum, did you know that so-and-so is taking money from you?' That way you are not accusing but stating a fact. Good luck.

Answer 2

You cannot.

She is 77 - she has lead a full life so it would seem that it is possible that she may have been cheated previous or at least had some experience of this via someone else.

She is not a child and you should not treat her like one. Honesty will always be the best policy, unless you yourself have some guilt that you are attending to.

You need to tell her - it is your duty. You conscience should be eased after that.

If this revelation does harm her, why would you think that it would be something to do with you?

The money should be immaterial in all of this.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Wow what a lot of money + this is really a hard one !!
Fir your own concence I would tell your mam what you think, sit her aown and explain why you think it and if she doesn't believe you then you have tried your best. I wouldn't recommend not saying anything cause that will eat away at you. The same thing happened in my faters family my Dad found out someone was conned by one of his sisters and he went and said something it caused a huge arguement but now it is all sorted and it all worked out cause people started to question what was happening anf in the end they realised that my dad was right.

Is there anyone else that you can tlak this over with before you go to your mother and see what they think.

Answer 4

I assume you have concrete evidence? If so, is it viable that you could go to her solicitor who drew up the will with this evidence. He would then be obliged to cat in your mother's best interests - and he could do it without revealing his source.

Or, is this money being taken from her in a way which is not actually criminal? If not, then it is very difficult because if she genuinely doesnt like you she's probably not going to belive you anway.

Putting it in writing is another option but then you MUST be very sure of your facts otherwise you could be sued for libel if you make a false statement.

Good luck.

Answer 5

It happends all the time my aunty got robbed buy a loved one but my aunty never listened untill it was too little too late!!!! You need to trap that person where your aunty can see it CLEARLY! Then there's no if's or but's!!!!!!! good luck xx and so then your mum can like you again because you'll be in the good books x x x

Answer 6

if u are sure about it and that ur mum wont listen to u cos of ur relationship with her, the best is to find someone she can listen to and explain. if u have any witnesses (documents or people to back u up) please give the person she can listen to and make sure the one u are telling isnt part of the game. act as soon as you can before things get out of hand. if you really love her then nothing should scare you. good luck

Answer 7

Offer proof. Ask some preliminary questions. Mention some things that dont make sense. That will get her to start thinking about it critically. Then offer her the proof you have. She is an adult and can choose whether to believe you or not. Suggest that she redo her will.

Answer 8

Don't worry about what is in her will, as she won't need the money when she is gone. We have had the similar situation in our family, and we have found that the only thing you can really do is to be willing to help her if she needs assistance when she discovers (on her own) what has happened to her.

Answer 9

assuming that it is her partner that has ripped her off..... i dont see that there is much you can do about it..... you say that she doesnt like you.... are you sure she doesnt know whats happening..... do you have siblings? if so do they see what you can see.....

often old people do not wish to leave their estate to their kids.... presumably she must have signed her will to leave it all in the name of the person you think is ripping her of?

you are within your right to contest a will however i think you have to wait for her to pop her clogs before you can do this.

if you have siblings who agree with you that things are not right then perhaps you can all sit down with her and ask her whats going on.

i know of a case at the moemnt where the old man does not want his son to have any of his estate so has changed his will..... he is well within his right to do this.

i guess if youe mum doenst like you she probably has her reasons and may not want you to have any of her estate... i guess your just going to have to live with it.... or try bridging the gaps in your relationship with your mum and ask her in a calm colective manor abotu your concerns....

good luck
anna

Answer 10

Do you have evidence of your suspicions? You may have to produce it for her to believe you. Is there another relative who would back you up? If not, you might just have to bite the bullet and go for it. At least you would have given it your best shot, even if she chooses to do nothing about it.