I'm 22 years old and have met the man of my dreams! I know for sure he's the one because I feel it with every inch of my being. We live togehter and our starting up our own business and our sex life is great however, the problem is I feel jealous of his time spent with other people.
I feel I cant trust him and am afraid he will cheat on me. Whenever I can get a chance I sneak a look at his mobile phone to check his texts and calls, I have occasionaly found texts from girls nothing untoward but that doesnt stop my demons from thinking there is something more going on. Its driving me mental.
We argue every few weeks just when things are looking like they are going amazing i have to go say something about girls that hes texting or checking his phone bill for numbers and people he has texted. I love this man more than anythingin the world, i dont want to lose him, i have made the first step and talked to a support group who i can call at any time when im feeling down also
2007-03-12 05:04:12 · 10 answers · asked by MICHELLE T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well for starters, you have taken an important step by recognizing that what you are doing is hurting your relationship and you are taking steps to change (by talking to the support group). Try to flip things around for a moment. Imagine that every time you were away from your phone your boyfriend snooped at YOUR cellphone and viewed your text messages and phone logs. Imagine him looking at phone bills and scrutinizing what numbers YOU called. Imagine him confronting you over the people you've spoken with. Do you have ANY male acquaintances that you have contact with? Former co-workers, friends, relatives? Whether you do or you don't, let's say for the sake of argument that you did, and these people were strictly platonic individuals who you did not have a romantic relationship with in the slightest. Would you want your boyfriend to accuse you of being unfaithful to him because you were talking to these guys? How would it feel if you had to answer to him for every phone call you made? Would you like it if he told you he only felt comfortable with you speaking on the phone to females? How would you like it if he was obsessively jealous of where you went, who you spent time with and who you spoke to on the phone? Put yourself in HIS shoes.
You have to give this guy the freedom to live his life without having to account to you for everything he does. You are smothering him and you WILL drive this perfect man out of your life by disrepecting him so much by your lack of faith and trust in him. When you love someone, you have to be vulnerable enough to trust them, even if it means you could get hurt. When you trust that person - fully - then you give them the freedom to relax and feel safe in their relationship with you. What you are doing is making your boyfriend feel threatened. He is afraid that at any given moment, you will accuse him of doing something that he is not doing, simply because you are afraid he will do so. You disrespect him by doing this because you are saying to him that you believe he is of such bad character that he would cheat on someone he loves.
Please just try to resist the temptation to smother this guy. Trust him UNTIL he gives you SOLID PROOF that you can't trust him. In other words, until he actually cheats on you and you have proof of it, and you are actually hurt by his infidelity, then trust the guy. What you are currently doing by your insecurities is giving him permission to cheat because you are driving him away from you. He sounds like he cares for you deeply, but a person can only take so much before they will realize that they deserve to be treated better. Please stay in touch with that support group and try to practice trusting your guy. Don't assume the worst in him because that is really an insult to him and will only drive him away. I do wish you all the best.
2007-03-12 05:22:49 · answer #1 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sound oh too familiar. I used to be like this when I got with my boyfriend. Could it be because you have been treated badly in the past? That's exactly the reason why I was this way, and I coul;dn't belive that something so perfect was happening in my life. I know it's hard, but just try not to get stressed out about text messages and phone calls, just think who it is that he goes home to every night....you! If tis guy didn't want to be with you, then he wouldn't be with you would he?! I know its hard, but if you start thinking with this frame of mind then thing will get easier, and you won't keep having silly arguements about your jealousy. If you don't change then it will just drive him away, or it will drive him to cheat. If he's being accused of it then he might as well be doing it! If he's living with you and starting a business with you, then he obviously loves you and is very happy with you, and is thinking about the long term. Everything will be ok if you realise this, good luck hope it all works out x
2007-03-12 05:15:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are commited to each other like you say then that is great, stop trying to destroy it. Possessiveness kills love.
If you start a business together it could get even more intense. I think you need to find an interest separate from him: a healthy way to displace this paranoia and have another focus; it should complement your relationship. Stop prying in his phone: it's out of order behaviour. Live your life honestly, and if the worst happened and he let you down - you would find out - you don't need to go looking - and you can walk away with a clear conscience. Otherwise it's just a destructive self-fulfilling prophesy.
2007-03-15 14:35:49 · answer #3 · answered by L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is what you should do: imagine that unimaginable happened and he did cheat on you. Just imagine that he already did cheat on you and you found out everything. Will you die because of that ??? No. Will you have a heart attack because of that??? No. Will your head and hands fall out because of that ??? No. Nothing scary is going to happen to you. The reality is that your life will just keep going on. You won't even get upset as much as you think you will. Just imagine that it already happened and you lived through it and you got over it for good.
2007-03-12 05:15:20 · answer #4 · answered by OC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you because it is a hard thing to feel like this, you need to work on your own confidence first and deal with all your insecurities. When you feel great and love yourself it becomes easier to love and trust others, try this,
www.handbag.com/relationships/couples/jealousy
I hope it helps
good luck x
2007-03-12 05:12:21 · answer #5 · answered by Leesa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good for you. you have recognised that it is you that has a problem, you are doing something about it. this is wonderful. it means that you have every hope in the world of overcoming this. explain to your man, how this feels to you. how insecure you are. your fears. ask him to reassure you, as and when you need it. if he loves you, he will. ask him for his patience,. over time, your trust in him will grow. these feelings will bother you less and less. and you will be able to relax in your relationship. the main thing, is to really believe, that you are worth loving. if you find yourself thinking how can he be faithful to me, ask yourself, is it so hard being faithful to him? no? then maybe its the same for him and he finds it easy being faithful to you
2007-03-15 22:51:46 · answer #6 · answered by fat momma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get it under control or you will drive him away.
Stop obsessing over him. Love him, and leave it at that.
Nobody is so totally perfect.
Trust him, until he burns you. If he does burn you, move on. That's life.
Otherwise you will exactly cause him to find someone else, by your behavior, a self-fulfilling prophecy, for Certain, capital C.
2007-03-13 03:07:58 · answer #7 · answered by A Military Veteran 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i sufer badly from depression and think you may be too coz it makes you paranoid over nothing, i used to do same thing which gla di did coz i found out few secrets but we are cool now and he has learnt to be open with me when girls txt or email him! we are getting on great and love each other very much! love yourself more u wont get jealous x
2007-03-12 05:13:22 · answer #8 · answered by sugar cherry hooters 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all i can say is try and let it by pass over your head as all your doing is pushing him into another one arms trust me im the same and i did push my parnter away and he left four days after his daughter was born think in your head its not bothering you
2007-03-12 05:30:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep this up and you will push him away its hurts to think someone your with doesnt trust you !
2007-03-12 05:58:14 · answer #10 · answered by astra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋