For ladies and or men who have been here?

Question

I love my wife with everything in my body. I need to share the same air she breathes just to make my day hole. However, she is very with drawn many times. Yes, we have our prblems as all married couples do. No, we do not have much money, and I am trying to pick up extra work while going to school and driving 88 miles a day. I have made a lot of mistakes to. I brought a lot of bills into our marriage. We have been married for almost 3 years. I am worried because, I do not want to lose her. But I need help understanding her. Ladies, I am a country boy, my wife was my first, I was not her first or second. She loves Brad Pit, and other men, because of their swagger. How can I obtain swagger. I am confident in my own skin. But I want to give her the desire of swagger in me. Her mother and father were devoriced when she was eight. How can I be a father for her. I want this women to be the mother of my children, and I want to watch all the gray hairs come to her head. Help me understand her.

Answer 1

Some people need "alone" time while others don't need it as much. Does your wife work or attend school? Why do you think you will lose her? Has she said this to you?

You cannot be a father to her - she needs to come to terms with her past - if there is pain in it, and it sounds like there is since you want to replace her father, she needs to face it and move on. Our past affects our future and so many of us don't realize that. I don't know what swagger is but if you are secure in your self, love your self, and take care of your appearance then you have swagger. Finding other men attractive does not mean she wants to sleep with them. Women don't have those types of thoughts. We think differently then men. So if that's what you are thinking, don't worry. She can look at you naked (or Brad Pitt for that matter) and admire what she sees but not feel the need to "jump your bones."

Good luck.

Answer 2

You must've had SOME swagger, because she married you! I think what you said about her is so sweet, but sometimes women need girl time, meaning time of their own with out you always being around. I also think it's great that you know you want her to be the mother of your children, however, you can't be her father. You really wouldn't want her to think of you in that way now would you? I think after 3 years, something is working. I don't think people need to change to try to be someone that someone else wants. Be yourself. If you question your "swagger", watch more movies with Brad Pitt or get on the internet and learn how to spice things up a little, romantically and/or sexually. You can do that without changing who you are. I myself think that she is very lucky to have someone who loves her so much that you'd be willing to change to make her happier. The thing is that you shouldn't have to change to keep her. If so, you're with the wrong woman. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Dude.... Be yourself! If she doesn't love you for who YOU are, there's nothing you can do to make her love you. Obviously, for whatever reason, she chose to marry you; it wasn't because of swagger - it was probably because of what kind of person you are. Just continue on being this person. We all are attracted to one celebrity or another, and yet, given a choice, most women would probably still choose to marry and love ordinary people. Brad Pitt has nothing to do with your family life. It also doesn't matter if she was your first and you were her twentieth. You have to get past that. What matters is the love and respect you feel for each other. Your "swagger" should come from self-confidence; if you radiate confidence, you will attract people. If you're insecure and needy, on the other hand - it will repel them. You don't "need" to share the air she breathes; you will be just fine on your own. Believe me! You may choose to be with her out of love and admiration for her - but you don't "need" her to be a whole person. You have to learn to value yourself for yourself - and then other people will value you for you, not for what you can do for them. Independence is attractive, clinginess is not. Sounds like you have a lot to bring to the marriage - so just do your best to keep up the good work. It seems to me that you might be prone to acting desperate... Don't. If your wife doesn't appreciate your efforts - there are more fish in the sea; she is NOT the last woman on earth.

Answer 4

To start off, you cannot try to be both her "husband" and "father", you must be her husband only.
A very loving, dependable and trustworthy husband.

Also, if she's withdrawn, perhaps she just need some alone time (we all need that once in a while).
And, honestly, so what if she likes "Brad Pitt" and swaggers.
If she liked them that much she would of married one, but she married you... she obviously loves you.

Just be patient with her, be there for her and most of all.. just love her.

I think you are doing all of the right things.
We have all made our mistakes, have skeleton in our closets and have relationship troubles and so forth.
But working through all of that is what makes a relationship work and also...that's what make us grow as humans.

Answer 5

First of all never try to understand a woman, we dont understand ourself, second most woman love Brad Pit but we also know we will never have him. Third, you can not be a husband and a father to her, and why would you want to be her dad. Just be yourself, be there to listen to her if she wants to talk about something, treat her as you equal, never go to bed mad, if you mess up admit it, when you fuss dont bring up the past, you fussing about today, not yesterday or tomorrow, before bed and when you leave for work or school kiss her, tell her you love her and have a good night/day, be ready to fuss and we do.

Answer 6

Your best to treat her like a best friend and not be her father. When she becomes withdrawn ask her about it, it may be nothing more than feeling blue sometimes or nothing at all ( it happens). Pick her up when she's down, talk with her, listen to her, learn from her and be there for her, always.
Be yourself and never try to become someone your not unless, it's a problem with her and your willing to change for her. Don't ever try and read minds, your best to communicate to get the full story and go from there.

Answer 7

read men are from mars women are from Venus.she does not need you to be her dad she married you a country boy stop trying to change , be yourself .stop doing bad things grow up driving like you do you think you could come up with better reasons why she like tv stars .it ant the swagger it is not what you don't have our what you do have i like looking at flowers all kinds not because i like one over the other i like Flowers and she like looking at men .you must forgive yourself for the past and move forward in this day forget the ugly past take what you have learn from the past bury the unusable past and move into today .don't look at tomorrow today is full and rewarding reach out and enjoy what today has for you .good luck .by the why are you going to school for to be something our just going to school .you married this woman and she needs you to take care of her

Answer 8

First of all.... no one knows what is actually going on in her head....... I know that for a while... my husband and I were going through hell..... and I actually left him once......I do love him, and we are actively working on things......People do change with time......sometimes even grow apart...........I am hopeful for you though.it sounds like she is very lucky to have someone who loves her sooooooo much! Just try talking to her about your concerns........maybe even suggest marriage counseling if things can't be resolved by the two of you.........
Also, this Brad Pitt thing.........you shouldn't have to try to compete with some unreal guy........ She is never gonna be with him, and you shouldn't have to try to be someone you aren't! I find Johnny Depp extremely hot, however, I don't fault my husband for not being him..........after all..... I am no Angelina Jolie (he thinks she is hot)

Answer 9

Grow up country boy .Stop your country boy crying like the music you country boys sing . All the country songs are men crying over a woman and the country girls singing kiss this and i don't mean on my rosy red lips . Face it country boy you guys act like baby's and your woman wont us city men like brad pit

Answer 10

I think you both have your priorities out of order. You need to grow up and see things in the real world and not a fantasy world way.