2 years ago my husband hurt himself at work, since then he has developed a lung disease. He is in the middle of a workmans comp case, but the biggest thing is that its hard for him to accept that he cant do the same activities/work if at all anymore. It is effecting his everyday life with me and the kids because of the feeling of being a "burden". Can anyone out there give me some advice on how to help him deal with this?
2007-03-12 04:07:01 · 10 answers · asked by karol s 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My father was diagnosed with a deadly disease when I was 5 years old. MY mother told me that he started feeling sorry for himself. She told him that she will stand by him through thick and thin, just as she had done for the 20 some years they had been married, but the only thing she would not tolerate was self pity. She told him either he gets over the pity and moves on, or he will die alone. MY father lived for 10 more years. Yes, they were very hard on him, hard on my mother and hard on me. But, they were the best 10 years of my life. It must be hard to know you are ill. But, he also needs to realize and cherish what he has. Perhaps your husband needs to take a chair to sit on and watch the kids at ball games, band concerts, etc. But, his children will not remember the chair or oxygen he was on. They will remember that their father was there. I know I do. God Bless your family.
2007-03-12 16:24:18 · answer #1 · answered by Jackie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, so sorry. Two years ago, my husband broke his back at work, carrying a heavy window and it fell on him. However, with rehab and such, he went back to work after 6 months, but as you know it isn't the same any more. He's working, but a day at work pretty much blasts him, and he can't do other stuff he used to. So I know what you are going through.
The best that you can do, as you know, is to be endlessly patient and supportive. Depending on the age of the kids, you need to get them to help around the house more. I did, but my son was already a teen, so he could do lots of stuff. I do know it's hard on you, but just try to keep a positive attitude as you carry the extra load. Don't feel bad talking to your husband about it; better he knows how you are feeling, instead of you getting resentful. Good luck!
2007-03-12 11:32:12 · answer #2 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of us have been there ... he's not only feeling like a burden, but not so much feeling like a man because he cant provide, or work. One thing that u can try is to take him out of his environment for a few days like go out of town to a hotel, something like that. This will relax him hopefully, and calm him more so hes not so tense and stressed. Another thing could be ...think of anything little he could do around the house ( if hes able to) so he feels he has more responsibility
2007-03-12 11:13:32 · answer #3 · answered by alissa4boo@sbcglobal.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've had similar health issues with my ex who became legally disabled. He too went through the depression of feeling like a burden to his family. I referred him to a counselor who prescribed him anti-depressants. It was a long series of events, including him becoming better able to get around before things got better. He got extremely angry at the world, and could not be pleased or happy. It took time for the medications to help but he also slowly began getting out of the house more, walking mainly but anything to try to occupy his time. That was 5 years ago, he's still disabled but alot more independant and finally content with life again.
2007-03-12 11:53:46 · answer #4 · answered by georgiarose_01 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did his job cause the lung cancer? Does he work in construction, or a factory? I would consult an attorney to see what your options are if his lung cancer is work related. Also the Cancer Society, and Lung Association can give you some idea about support groups in your area.
2007-03-12 11:14:27 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man's most important role in life is providing for his family - it is how they are wired. He sounds like he could be depressed which would be normal considering the circumstances. I would take him to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Therapy and possibly an anti-depressant would help him tremendously.
Good luck.
2007-03-12 11:21:23 · answer #6 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a man likes to feel like he can save the day every once in a while. Find a couple of things that he can do...then pretend helpless and let him take the reigns. when he has "saved" the day a few times. he will feel better about providing for his family.
2007-03-12 11:23:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make love to him and moan a lot as if it's the best thing you;ve ever felt. Gasp for breath and make him feel like a stud. That will fix everything. Do this a lot.
2007-03-12 11:54:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get him to look on the internet and find something he would be interested in and have him go for that. It must be hard to have your life turned upside down.
2007-03-12 11:11:49 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let him do want he wants and help him only if he asks or he will feel worthless
2007-03-12 11:12:56 · answer #10 · answered by Big M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋