Ok i have ask this once and the answers were crap so...?

Question

I have been with my bf for almost four years, we have a soon to be 3 yr old daughter together. We are engaged to be married but i am not so sure its a good idea. He controls my every move. He is always going through my cellphone, checking my email...ect. it is kind of degrading in a way. I love him, we have had some wonderful times together but if he really loved me he wouldnt act this way i dont think...and i am not playing house, we have a life together, we are not married yet for a couple reasons-we do not have enough money for a wedding and i am just not sure i should. any advice? be serious people, i have been with him since i was 17. I am 21 now...help.
Note: i have never cheated on him or given him a reason to act this way.

ok i only have one child. sorry if that sounded like i was pregnant, i am not and making sure i have no more with him. and as for my previous answers, they were rude towards me and all i wanted was a little advice. so...

ok i am only asking this again because the answerws i got last time were rude. basically implying it was my fault because i have stayed this long-everyone has opinions and i do not care to hear them or i wouldnt be on here asking a question in the first place. and as for him hitting me...lets just leave it at that. and his side of the story he tells everyone is this-it is all her fault, if she would just do what i ask there would be no problem. hope that helps.

Answer 1

Sweety, I know you really do love this guy, but, if he's meddling in your life that much now, what's he going to be like when you're married? Think about that. And I noticed that you said that you are making sure that you don't have any more kids with him, do you want to have more children some day? You need to really think about that too. It sounds to me like you've already answered your own question. I'm sorry Sweety, But, if you just need to hear it from someone else,,, that is not where your supposed to be. I think he has single handedly changed your love for him. And if you really search deep inside your own heart, I really don't think you love him as much as you think you do. But, that's not your fault honey,,,,,it's his. He sounds like a control freak. Sorry, if I've said anything you didn't want to hear. And if your not happy, this will also affect your daughters life too. And you don't want to teach your daughter that it's okay to stay in a loveless relationship. She's watching your every move, hearing your every word,,,,,,,,,,and his,,,,,,,,,,,and she's already being molded into the person she will one day be. So, you really need to think about that. You don't want her to think that it's her fault that you made the decisions you made.

Answer 2

If you've never cheated or given him a reason to distrust you, he's just an insecure, jealous type person. That doesn't mean he's a bad person, he just has some issues. I hate to say this, but that's an unhealthy relationship. You've been together for four years, so obviously there's something there, but checking your email and cellphone, and stuff like that isn't a good sign. You need to have a serious talk with him about that. Tell him that you realize he does that and you want to know why he feels he needs to keep tabs on you like that. If you wanted someone else you wouldn't have stayed with him for 4 years. You have to get everything out in the open before you can deal with it. It won't get better it will only get worse unless you put a stop to it. If he's controlling your every move, maybe it's time you stopped allowing yourself to be controlled.

Answer 3

If you have serious doubts then it's your own inner self telling you to leave him.

You shouldn't stay with someone controlling and who doesn't trust you.

Being together that long is no reason to stay with him. You started with him when you were still very young and you've both matured (hopefully) but in different ways. You obviously aren't the same person you were and neither is he.

And not having much money is no reason to not get married, a courthouse/justice of the peace wedding doesn't cost very much.

Perhaps you didn't like the answers you received last time you asked your question because they didn't tell you what you wanted to hear.

IMO, you should get away and start your life over while you can and before you become too much more entangled with him (emothionally and financially). Take your daughter and find a man who loves and trusts you. Of course, this is advice based on your side of the story.

Answer 4

Have you ever confronted him? probably but if not then do so. He has no right to go through your cell or emails without your premission. This isn't the 1800s when men roled us, women. They have no right to be controling. You are an independent woman. You can do whatever you want whenever you want (as long as its not illegal). Before you get married make sure YOU want to do this and make sure that YOU arent having any second thoughts. Tell him how you feel about but DO NOT fight in front of your daughter EVER..that can leave damage on her. Go into a sepreate room or don't fight. This is YOUR life and now that you have a child, she should be your number one priority which she probably is. But DO NOT marry someone that controls you and you are uncomfortable with because thats what leads to bad marriages and next thing you'll know is you'll be on Dr.Phil. anyways GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 5

His control issues will only get worse the longer you're with him, and probably even more so when you're married. You can't have a good relationship without trust and you don't have his and you haven't even done anything to lose his trust. If you feel this way already then I think it would be a big mistake to marry him until either he changes or you decide that you can handle him controlling you for the rest of your life. You have a child to think about. And trust me, divorce isn't good on any kid. I would know. Not only that but you're still young so there will be plenty of other men out there for you that will treat you better if you decide to leave him.

Answer 6

Please seriously consider leaving this man. It will only get worse once you are married. If you stay with this man and get married, when you're 30 you'll look back and wish you would have left him when you were 21. A lot of times men are like this because of a previous relationship or he saw his mom cheat...then the women he sees afterwards are the ones to pay the price. I have a friend in a similar situation, and I wish she would leave. It may be tough at first when you leave, but it will get better, and you will be so happy down the road when you meet a man who trusts you. Good luck, and I hope things work out for you.

Answer 7

you are way too young to get married---am also 21 and mariage is the furthest thing from my mind. This should be the time in your life where you find yourself. This guy is obviously not the "one" for you. You deserve much better. Don't let any man make you feel as if you are worth less than you are. ~never a good idea to stay with a man for the kid(s) sake. ~ Breaking up is always a hard thing to do, and takes a long time to get over a person, however, in the long run, it'll be much better than staying in an abusive relationship. Good luck with whatever decision you decide to make.

Answer 8

You really need to consider your daughter here she needs a better example of love in her life and let's face it so do you. The way he treats you isn't right by any standards. You have to get out while you still can don't marry this guy trust me that will only make things worse. He will then feel like he owns you. He already treats you like he has the deed to you. I know it would be hard at this point but you Can find a man that won't treat you like a child and i don't care if he is or isn't older he has no right to treat you this way. You are worth more than what he is giving you. You don't need to commit to someone who clearly has issues. Odds are he is so psycho jealous because he is a cheating lying fool. You are still young enough to live a happy life with someone who knows what you are worth. And who wont treat you like crap. Get out any way you can you may love him but you've got to love you and your daughter more. I hope you find the courage to do what is right for you and your daughter. You'll get over him eventually just don't waist your life waiting for the right moment to leave there isn't one.

Good Luck 4 real girl you can do it!! :)

Answer 9

It seems as if you answered my first question which would have been "Have you done anything to cause him to not trust you?" And since you said right away you haven't, this appears to be a personality trait of your boyfriend, but unfortunately jealousy and distrust usually grow if left unchecked. Your boyfriend has these issues and needs to see a therapist or counselor, you could go also if it would help to get him there. You definitely should follow your heart and not marry him until you definitely feel you cannot live without him, which at this point you aren't feeling. Sit down with him, alone, no interruptions, no kids, tv, anything! and tell him how much it bothers you that he doesn't trust you and that you feel your relationship would benefit from some counseling. His response will let you know how you should proceed. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 10

First, please let go of the notion that if he really loved you he wouldn't act that way. His behavior has nothing to do with you or your behavior or his feelings for you. This is about him. It sounds like he wants to control every aspect of your relationship which would include controlling you, your environment, who your friends are, etc. The list goes on and on. I don't know if he has hit you yet or if he also calls you derogatory names when he becomes angry, but I would say that this type of behavior will not be far behind.

As far as getting married, only you can make that decision. I would encourage you to follow your instints right now - your hesitation is your gut trying to tell you what your heart doesn't want to hear. The only other thing I would add is that getting married will not change his behavior nor will it make him trust you more.

Counseling would be a good option - pre-marital counseling is available if you want to go that route. I would suggest separate counseling for both of you to begin with as marriage is a huge commitment and also affects your child(ren).

Hope that helps - good luck.