Question....married women, single man?? (Very long but please read)?

Question

For starters I am using my friends profile as a means to ask this question in secrecy. I am 25 years old; I have been with my husband for 7 years, been married for 6 and have a 5 year old son. He was my first EVRYTHING, first date, first kiss…etc. I have been at my current job for 6 years. I have always been very reserved, quiet and always had low self esteem. My marriage isn’t as good as I wish it was but you can’t talk to my husband. We have problems, he has anger problems and he does not communicate and I am too scared to push any issues, I am the type that does not like confrontation, I would just as soon forget it than to argue about it. So anyways, I work in a trucking industry and 2 years ago this man got hired as an over the road driver. He would always come to me with questions about work, calling me at twice a month to see how he was doing. I thought he was crazy but then he began to call me for no reason to just see what was up.

We talked about once a week and he would always come in to see me when he was in town. It got to where he would call me about 3 times a week just to chit chat; we began to talk about everything. A lot about my husband, my son, etc. most things I can’t tell my husband. He decided he was going to quit the company, which made me sad, thinking I wouldn’t get to talk to him again. His last day he and I went out for lunch with a few other friends, nothing happened of course as nothing still hasn’t happened. Again, I thought when he left he would not call anymore but he did, his first day on his new job he called. We sometimes talk now 3 to 4 times a day. He drove 100 miles from his current residence and employment to take me out to lunch one day and another time to go to the movies. Both instances it was never just me and him, their were mutual friends that tagged along.

My best friend keeps telling me I am having an emotional affair and I should stop talking to this guy. She says because I talk to him about things I would not talk to my husband about and because I actually miss this guy when I don’t talk to him and I worry about him, which is all true. I often think about if I were single would we develop a romantic relationship. He and I don’t talk about “that” issue exactly but he is always telling me I should leave my husband because he doesn’t treat me like I should be treated and he really doesn’t. He says he will change and for about a week he does then he goes back to treating me like crap again. What should I do? Do you think this other guy wants a relationship with me or is he just being a friend? If I should stay with my husband, tell me how I can talk to him? Any advice or opinions please??? Thanks.

Answer 1

I agree with your best friend - you are beginning an emotional relationship based on confidences that might undermine your relationship with your husband.

The most important question you must answer for yourself is:

What do you want for your relationship with your husband?

If you want to work on it and keep it going, you might have to tell this to the new friend of yours. If this guy is such a nice guy and a gentleman he will respect you and your choices and you will be able to work on your marriage.

If you want to dump your husband, then do it. Divorce. Get half his stuff. Get some time and space and a bit of a breather. Then see where you are with this new guy.

Personally, I feel that you might be better with your husband unless there are issues you haven't mentioned such as domestic violence. You might find that having a talk with your husband might be a good way to start - let him know there are issues in your marriage and that you both will need to work on them to keep things going well. This might help you make your decision.

I think this other guy wants a relationship with you, but I'm not sure how long term he is being about it. He might be doing the same thing with a bunch of other women, for all you know.

On top of all that, you have your son to think about. His life is potentially going to be disrupted by a messy divorce.

Answer 2

First and foremost, you must admit that you are having an emotional affair. Do not use the way he treats you to determine whether to stay in your marriage or not. Have him as a friend only, and back off on the personal issues. Have a serious talk with your husband....bring up the things you see that cause a problem and explain how you feel. If it doesn't work out, then pursue the other after your divorce. If you truly want to be with your husband, work on it but give it 110%. If you don't want to be there, then make the decision to leave for good.

Answer 3

OMG - ok. Your friend is right in a sense. You are having an emotional affair - which is quite common with married women. Our husbands don't give us the attention we need, we cannot talk to them so it goes outside of the marriage.
First off, do you love your husband? I mean REALLY love him or are you just comfortable with him? Not wanting to end it b/c of being "used" to a certain lifestyle.
You have to figure out what it is that you want and expect from your marriage. If you love him and want things to work, stop this other relationship - completely. Try to work things out with your hubby and talk to him. I hate confrontation too but sometimes we have to confront to make things better in the end. If your marriage is over (you'll know it) then work on getting out of it and give yourself time before you even think of having a relationship with this man. Yes, I know, he makes you feel alive, vibrant, important. So many things he makes you feel but only you can decide if its all worth it. Thing of how it will be - long term.
Obviously there was something that made you love your husband - enough to marry him. You need to think about this, no snap decisions. I would even suggest you speak with a counselor to get feedback.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you can decide what will make you happy. Take care.

Answer 4

Throughout this whole thing the only thing you said about your son, is that you have one. Aren't you worried about how he would feel, or what you will put him through if you divorce your husband? So, your husband has a temper and doesn't like to talk, That's the majority of husbands. The man you are talking to would probably end up the same way, or he would talk too much, and it would annoy you. Work on your marriage, you have made the commitment and you have a family to worry about, not just you.

Answer 5

Hi,
It sounds like you are in a bind. 1st of all, you need to decide if you want to be with your husband or not. If hes explosive, you need to walk on eggshells, Then that doesn't sound good. I was in a marriage for 3 years with a guy like that. Its not safe, comfortable, or emotionally healthy. You need to get the courage to leave, with or with out that other guy if that is not how u want to live. It took me having an "emotional affair" to see that I wanted more. It took him to give me the courage. But do not do it to be with him. Remember it may not work out. But you will be happier--You will find better. Good luck

Answer 6

I have to agree with your friend. There are many ways to cheat in a relationship, not just sexually.
You need to decide if you want to stay married or not. It sounds to me like you are not happy. Are you willing to stay married to this man for the rest of your life just because you don't like confrontation?
This other guy sounds like a good guy and maybe he is sticking around in order to support you if you decide to end your marriage. Don't count on him waiting forever. You need to make a very tough decision that will affect not just you but three other people.

Answer 7

I know your pain, i did this with my first love. Stay with your husband. You dont know how much you will love and miss him when he is gone. As for the other guy, its ok to have friends, but you cannot fall for this man. Your heart will always be with your husband, even if something else sounds good right now.

Answer 8

You shouldn't hang out with any man who isn't your husband - it's that simple.