Advice please, women preferably????????

Question

How to conquer insecurity?

I'm a pregnant sahm of 2, age 6 and 14 mnths. I am so lonely. I have been betrayed by family, and old friends. I hang out with only my husband. I have recently joined a moms group full of wonderful people. I enjoy myself, but what does it take to overcome that barrier and make REAL friends, past the barely know you phase. And why do I always assume people don't like me? Logically I know its not true, but this feeling holds me back.

Answer 1

I'm not a woman, but I believe I have a useful answer.

The key is in your question, "...why do I always assume people don't like me?"

Let me ask this, do you like yourself? You should. I don't mean be selfish, I mean have a healthy view of yourself.

You are not perfect, none of us are. However, which direction are you moving? Are you getting better, or worse? If you are getting better, then take credit. If not, then adopt the attitude that you've just found another way that doesn't work and see if you can find a way that works.

It takes time to make real friends, to build really deep relationships. You have to be willing to open yourself up. And with past betrayal, I certainly understand any reluctance you may have to do that.

However, you will not have any deep relationships if you don't. Find areas where you are willing to open up, and explore those.

So I recommend liking yourself and/or changing what you don't like, one or two things at a time.

Continue to spend time with healthy people. We are all crazy in some way, so find people who have a different crazy from you, so you can help each other.

As you grow more confident and heal from your betrayals, give back. Share your experiences with another, so that perhaps they can benefit from your experience.

Answer 2

Hi,

I like people but I also have trouble making REAL friends. I have one best friend I met online when both our guys were deployed. the others moved on to better cities and jobs. It seemed easier in school!! LOL
I just enjoy my husband, family [even the difficult ones] and concentrate on my job. I found a way to work from home so this helps keep me busy. Just stay busy and go out with your husband, have fun.
Also if you have a hobby join a group at the local college. Chit chatting with someone with the same interests always helps :)
If you want to email me I am looking for friends to. My yahoo ID is ab439
Take Care!!!!!!!! Good luck.

Answer 3

I am also a mother of three. My youngest is 8 months old and then a 4 year old and a 9 year old. I am in the same position as you. I feel betrayed by family members also. and I always think that people dont like me too. your not alone. I unfortunatly am very shy and have a hard time thinking of what to say to someone new. Im not really able to give the best advice, being that i have the same problem. I just wanted you to know that your not alone

Answer 4

You are a drama queen. You are addicted to messy situations and constant drama. Hanging out with your husband should be enough but for young pretty women such as yourself who are addicted to drama, it's simply boring.
The fact that you no longer have relations with friends and family is the first indication that, you've likely burned all your bridges and the people you were hanging out with were probably drama addicts themselves.
You don't like the moms group because again, there is no drama going on there and it's boring. I am betting you have anxiety issues and I am sure you have heard all of this before.

Answer 5

When you first meet someone, you both have your guard up. Give it time and you will meet one or two in the moms group that you have a lot in common with and from there you will develop a closer friendship. If you feel like people don't like you then you may be giving a negative vibe that prevents others from getting closer. Just let that wall down and you will find it natural to confide in someone.....and that's a good feeling to have a friend that will be on your side!

Answer 6

Judging from your other questions, I think that your husband is a control freak and cheater and he controls who you can and can not see. It's not a fact that you have no friends, he has stopped you from seeing them. This way he can control all aspects of your life.

As far as overcoming the barrier, I would suggest getting away from him. Once you have been on your own, your instinct to trust will kick in and you will have no problems.

I know it will be tough to m ove on with three little ones and another on the way, but you need to do this. Not only for yourself, but for the sake of your children.

Answer 7

Right there with you. Im a mom of 3 small ones and can't seem to find any good friends and wonder if somethings wrong with me....my husband is my bf.
I asked a similar question last week, got some good reply's....like your pretty lucky to have a family and be happy ect.......but Im still not sure....
Why can't I have the "sex in the city" kinda friendships???
Good luck to you and me both

Answer 8

It just takes time, mama. I know it seems bad, but I live in a low income housing project, and so many moms are just as lonely, only they don't even have husbands, or cars to drive to Parent groups. They have just their children. We all need adult time, honey. You and hubby go kick your heels up and find a sitter. Go for a couples massage...ahhhhhhh.....lol

Answer 9

groups are great ways to meat new people. if you dont know them all that well, then maybe invite some out to lunch or something like that out side of the group? that way its in a more personal environment. or maybe plan a play date with only one or two of the other moms and their kids?

Answer 10

You should go to a few therapy sessions. I think this will help you gain more confidence in yourself. Only when you trust and love yourself can others do the same. Be willing to learn to get to know people and forget about the past mishaps. Just give yourself more credit.