My daughter was fondled by a an older cousin when she was 4. From her dads side of the family.She was not the only one either.The boy was charged spent time in juvenile hall.
Now he is living with his grandma.I am no longer with her father.He lives about 5 hours away so he stays at his Moms .The grandmothers to the sick boy now 17 and my daughter now 9 .Against my better judgment I let her go with her father to visit .With lots of stipulations.I want her to be a part of her grandmother's and fathers life.Neither one of them believe he touched my daughter. my daughter told me and she was way to little to make something up.
her father agreed that he would never allow the boy around her.Then this weekend my daughter comes back and slips and says her father allows her to go to the park with this little sicko and his now girlfriend.
I was so outraged I called him and told him he will never see his daughter again! Why would he allow this.Now my daughter is so hurt.What do I do?
2007-03-12 02:54:16 · 8 answers · asked by G N 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Tell him he must come there to see her from now on! You know some things can't be avoided ln life. Evil things & people like that are everywhere. Some are family, some are friends and some are strangers! The best defense we as mother have is to talk to our kids. Educate her well!!! Let her know she was a victim and there are many more she is not the only one this has happened to! Sometimes they feel like they have done something wrong and it can scar them for life. It is very important she knows this! Sit with her during one of those true story shows, have her listen to what could happen. I'm sure it will never leave her mind but she needs to know in her heart she was the victim!!!!! It could have been much worse trust me. She could have been one of the many kids you hear about on TV. She needs to know all of this. Just trust me on this advise, I know!! I mean tell her how some people are so evil, teach her how not to fall victim. Let her know not everyone is like that you also don't want her to go through life being scared of her shadow! I Tell her how it's hard to judge a person, they may look normal or be someone they know. And the best thing to do is not to let herself get in a situation in the first place. If she has to be rude, if she has to run, if she has to call you, where ever she is assure her. Whatever she has to do to avoid the situation is ok!!!!!!!!!...
DO NOT LET THIS GO WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT IT. THE MORE YOU TALK THE THE MORE SHE WILL UNDERSTAND....
2007-03-12 02:58:06 · answer #1 · answered by char__c is a good cooker 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't say 1. if you and your daughter's father were ever married and if, in fact, there was a divorce and 2) if the boy was charged, was the time spent in juvenile hall related to this act of fondling? Of other children and including your daughter? Why do neither your husband nor the grandmother believe the story that your daughter was fondled if this boy spent time in punishment for that offense?
If your husband agreed that he would never allow the boy around her, then why did he allow her to go to the park with this boy and her girlfriend? Was this just a verbal agreement from your husband to keep your daughter away from this kid? The humorous quote is, 'A verbal agreement isn't worth the paper it's written on.'
Your daughter is hurt by your reaction. But she is the one who was fondled. She shouldn't be in puzzled as to why you reacted this way, given her history with this boy. Why is that? Haven't you discussed your reasoning with her?
So given all this, your story isn't so clear. If there was a divorce, you could tell your husband that there are still some legal issues to settle because of his behavior, allowing this kid access to your daughter. You could put all of your concerns in writing, legal writing, with a judge deciding how much access to allow your husband and what the rules are to be.
I understand that you want your daughter to be part of your husband's life and her grandmother's. Have you talked to the grandmother? You have a right to be angry and you don't have to fly off the handle when you speak to the grandmother but you can explain why you can't trust your husband to respect your wishes.
After all, we're not talking about a peanut allergy or a choice of cold medicine - we're talking about your wish to have your daughter protected from a proven predator.
You don't know this kid now and he may be not a danger - however, your fears have some grounding in reality because of the past. At the very least, you could ask that your husband always be present whenever this kid is around your daughter. Anyone could understand that concern but it might be just the kind of compromise a judge could make in a visitation agreement.
2007-03-12 10:14:09 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you can't trust him ( the Dad), I would talk to your daughter and ask her what arrangements she would be comfortable with and tell the Dad and he either accepts it or not. And if he doesn't believe your daughter you can't trust him with her. Another thing I would do and maybe you already have is get her some counselling. Believe me I know what she's going through right now and it's awesome that she already told you about it. I didn't tell my mother until I was 15. My Dad didn't beleive me either and my Mom said she did but then she invited him over for a bbq the very next day. You just have to believe and love her.
2007-03-12 11:24:00 · answer #3 · answered by canadian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would take it through the courts and only allow your daughter to have supervised visitation with her father and Grandmother . While your daughter may be hurt right now that she is not able to see them you have to think about the hurt that she will endure if she is inappropriately touched again. Trust your motherly instincts.
2007-03-12 10:00:42 · answer #4 · answered by Just J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The family is enabling the boy. I really hate "not my kid" attitude; it has to be someone's kid that does things!! Why can't the father respect your wishes? By history, the boy is troubled. Is the father actively taking care of his mother? If not, he needs to find his own place. You shouldn't allow her to see him, unless he changes his situation and not be around the boy.
2007-03-12 10:03:57 · answer #5 · answered by J W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him he must have supervised visits or he dont see his daughter he obviously dont care about his daughter if he lets her with a pervert
2007-03-12 10:09:04 · answer #6 · answered by shell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
move on......talk to ur daughter tho.....would u let her play on railroads tracks?? ur a good mom to keep her away from serious danger...they are the creeps, not u
2007-03-12 09:58:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it was wrong of him to let her go but its not totally his fault she is partially to blame for going to visit "the sicko" and his girlfriend afterall she did not have to go.....talk to your daughter
2007-03-12 14:21:02 · answer #8 · answered by shyandconfused 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋