He tells me that he loves me, and loves being with me and the kids, but he is always being a jerk about everything. No matter how many times we talked about it never changes. He will get mad and call me names, (when he does not get his way) he just always being mean. What to do.
2007-03-12 02:51:07 · 26 answers · asked by babycake 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have been together for 15 years now, I love him but dont know how much more I can take
2007-03-12 02:52:37 · update #1
Tell him it's either counselling or you walk. If he agrees to counselling make sure he goes through with it (sounds like he needs some anger management therapy). If he doesn't go through with it, walk. If he does go through with it but doesn't improve, walk.
I was with my ex-husband for 9 years and in the last year the verbal abuse became physical abuse. He raised his fist to me twice, and I decided twice was two times too many. I made sure there wasn't going to be a third time.
You've been with him a long time, but you've got many more years ahead of you and you don't need to spend those years being unhappy.
2007-03-12 03:07:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That you've put up with this crap for 15 years is amazing.
So, the question now is why? Why have you been putting up with his crap? He sounds like a big unpleasant baby.
You may not want to hear this, but actually YOU are the problem here...because you HAVE been putting up with his antics. What's wrong with you Honey, that you'd cheat yourself out of a kind, loving relatinship with a kind and loving man and instead, choose to spend the last 15 years in the presence of a real A*shole?????
Low self esteem plagues more women than anything else. Somehow, you got it in your head that you can do no better than this clown. You got used to his crap, his horrible behavior and treatment of you. and no possibly, you feel as though you could do no better or that you deserve no better., And for whatever the reason, he's stuck being the spoiled Dick that he is. Not sure why, but his unhappiness probably extends far deeper than just a conversation with you can reach. He needs help and so do you.
You deserve better...to be happy and smile and to be treated like a queen. One person can't do all the work in a relationship--both have to try and based on what little you've allowed in your question, it sounds as though you've done all the work...or tried to anyway.
My suggestion? Give him an ultimatum: either you BOTH of you seek help, such as couples counseling (because the fact that youve put up with this as long as you have indicates you need some help yourself) OR....you leave him.
Relationships take work...and a lot of it. Think about this: He's getting something out of acting this way. Maybe he knows that he can get whatever he wants from you when he gets mad and pouts. And you're obviously getting something out of it too....maybe he's more physically affectionate or something shortly after getting his way. I'm not sure, but you're getting something out of putting up with this nonsense.
Either way, you deserve better and he deserves a kick in the butt. You're already starting to resent him big time.
Please, get help for both of you or the next time you ask for help, it may not be in the form of a question on Yahoo Answers..
2007-03-12 10:05:52 · answer #2 · answered by I am Laurie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By calling you names, he is being mentally abusive. This could be because he has low self esteem. Make sure that you never allow him to call you names, especially in front of your children. It's one of the lowest forms of abuse I can think of.
I suggest counseling for you both, or just you to figure out why you take his abuse and to see if it's better off for you with him or without him.
Is this a recent change? Has he lost a job or promotion recently? Does he take a lot of guff on the job?
Tell him that if he loves you, he must never call you names. And be firm about it too. Don't instigate by calling him names either, although two wrongs don't make a right .
Good luck with your husband, it seems that your problems probably run deeper than Answers7 can help you. I'll pray for you too, if that's ok.
Stand strong, stand up for yourself too. Nobody has a right to abuse you like this.
2007-03-12 09:59:30 · answer #3 · answered by tottpaula 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has anger issues and just needs some counseling. If he is a great husband in every other way, he really needs help. No one should be called names in a marriage. It's not healthy and it's not good for the kids to see or hear.
2007-03-12 09:55:57 · answer #4 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write down the good things about him -- what you love and like about him, why you enjoy being with him, why you stay, etc. And then write down the things you don't like about being with him. Seeing this in writing is powerful. Try to be specific. In your "Don't like" column, don't say "He's mean" -- say exactly what he does that you don't like and how it makes you feel. Example: "I don't like it when he jokes about my cooking because it hurts my feelings when I've worked so hard to make something he would like". Work hard at the list, and then show it to him at a time when you are not arguing. It sounds like he wants to stay in the relationship, so he should be amenable to this. You could even develop a system where you make a simple non-obscene gesture, like tapping your ear, when he starts to do something that hurts you. It's a peaceful way of just letting him know you want him to stop. It's non-verbal, so you won't always have to get in a fight about it.
You may even want to talk about this with a counselor if nothing else helps.
2007-03-12 09:58:50 · answer #5 · answered by Liza 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why have you been allowing this behavior? Your husband has control issues and he's not going to stop "being mean" until you stop allowing the behavior. You need to tell him to stop calling you names. No matter how angry he gets, there's no excuse for name-calling. You also need to tell him you're tired of his mistreatment of you and the kids. If, after you've told him these things, he doesn't stop the behavior; file for divorce. Neither you nor your children need to continue living under such conditions.
2007-03-12 10:01:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don know
sounds like he has difficulties resolving issues. getting mad is the easy way out. needs to sit down, think rationally, step through the causes and possible resolutions, self honest reflection, n respect others
that said save the "a55h0le ammo" as the last resort
2007-03-12 09:59:13 · answer #7 · answered by willow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like men apause lol think maybe trying to hide something ? recently stopped drinking or smoking?
down right verbally abusive or just playing around ? alot of ways this could go you been togather for so long like us ! i wish u luck in the future
2007-03-12 09:58:25 · answer #8 · answered by gands4ever 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe another 15 years.
2007-03-12 09:55:13 · answer #9 · answered by Dr Dee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
15 years is a long time i put some of the blame on you for taking it for so long you should have ended it sooner
2007-03-12 09:54:08 · answer #10 · answered by links305 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋