I was raped when i was 15 from a boyfriend he was 16 at the time and he had ben sexually active for about 4 years and had many previous sexual partners. however i had never even kissed anyone and because i would not give him what he wanted he raped me. I have since meet someone new and have been with him for 4 yrs and am in love with him. he knows about my past now but i never told him at first i said that i had sex with my ex once (who fled from our area after he raped me no one has heard from him since) and i knew that if it would be a seriouse relationship he would find out i was not a virgn and i did not want to tell him the truth. as i was not ready. ever since i told him he has been upset with me whenever its brough up that i did not tell him he feels bad that we had sex or something like that and he even says that he would not of got with me because of it. and he is even said that i am lying about it because i never told him about it. i dont know what to do please help me
2007-03-12 02:43:46 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Jem,
your situation with your current boyfriend is a little tricky. I can understand a little bit of how he feels, because in some cases boys grow up with a romanticized idea of the whole love and marriage thing. They expect (whether they realize or not) that the girl they love and are going to marry is not going to have had sex with anyone else.
I had a terrible shock when I found out the girl I loved had had a boyfriend before me, and had sex with him. I felt terribly betrayed.
Now with time, my relationship with that girl built and we managed for 6 years, but eventually grew apart. I'm not sure if the underlying betrayal was still somewhere in the mix that caused us to separate.
It is quite possible that your bf is having a similar trouble and feels very hurt.
Now, this idea or expectation is actually quite immature and not entirely reasonable in todays current social climate. It never was your fault or your intention to hurt him. Just like my gf never had a thought in her head about hurting me - she just had a boyfriend and did what boys and girls did. You didn't even have that much choice in the matter. I think I've grown out of the whole thing. However, if your boyfriend is still thinking that way, it might be better to break things off with him.
If your boyfriend is able to get past it, try to understand the hurt and disappointment he might have encountered. It is possible for the two of you to continue having a relationship if he is happy to let this go. It might, however, require him to grow up a little bit more than he is currently. He might not be able to handle it.
2007-03-12 03:06:23 · answer #1 · answered by Orinoco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your bf is now angry with you because you told him half the truth - basically the half you couldn't hide.
And now he accuses you of lying, is that it?
What to do: Stop making excuses to him. Take some time for yourself. Think about what you're going to say to him.
Then confront him.
HE is wrong, not you.
Rape is a very, very grieving personal thing with incredible amounts of shame attached.
What does he expect, should you go around introducing yourself: "Hi, I am Jem, I was raped, would you like to hear the details?"
Is there a right moment to say 'oh by the way, I was raped"? If so, tell him you'd love to learn what this moment is.
Ask him if he thinks its all fun and games for YOU.
He feels wronged for not being told? When would have been the right time to tell him? How about your feelings? How does he think you feel about being raped?
Well, you get the idea. Turn the thing around. You're the victim here, not he.
2007-03-12 04:07:16 · answer #2 · answered by mgerben 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
heal Ur self first suga! that is a serious issue! trust is hard when u been betrayed,by some 1 u thought was close 2 u. u may need 2 talk 2 some 1.Ur new boyfriend needs 2 b put on the side,and nothing wrong with the fact that u didn't tell him right off!that's not something u just open up and tell.heal Urself he is worried about ur trust issues with him he should understand them now that u told him if he decides 2 step off,u keep it moving. work on u first suga.
2007-03-12 03:09:48 · answer #3 · answered by sitting_in_th3_cut 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if youre in love with him and youve been with him for 4 years, he deserves to know that you were raped and it wasnt consensual.. maybe then he wouldnt resent you for it.
also, im sure youre having emotional problems with it still and im sure he is too.. so just talk to him about it and tell him that by acting immaturely when you completely opened yourself up to him, hes not giving you much incentive to be honest in the future.
2007-03-12 02:51:38 · answer #4 · answered by rocket queen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to someone about your issues, before you can go on with anybody....you owe that to yourself!!
2007-03-12 02:53:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋