how can you go out into the world, if youve lost all your confidence and dont like the way you look?

Question

how can you summon confidence? im on benifits, and waiting for therapy for borderline p d, so i havent got nice clothes. only old rags. im 29. put on alot of weight, ive aged prematurly. my skin looks dry, wrinkles are forming, and lines, my face is fat. my skin pigmentation is blotchy, i have two missing teeth, i need implants, i feel vunerable and at the mercy of cruel predatory people, when i feel like this. i was bullied throughout secondary school so i no what victimisation feels like, and its like i fear it happening again as an adult. i dont like the fact i was bullied and made to feel like a victim. i feel like an impressions been made upon me as an adult. i have to go out today and do shopping, but because of how i feel about myself, its preventing me. i already feel paranoid when i go out, and notice people looking, sometimes. i also have inner rage, which im scared of losing control of. im in a dilema. i need to go out to get shopping and stuff to eat. but i feel horrendous

has anyone else felt like this? been in a position like this? howd you overcome it? you see in alot of ways im strong and brave at facing my lifes problems, but theres this big weakness present to, and i cant fight it right now

what i also mean is i would like to feel accepted, liked and loved.....is that a weakness?

Answer 1

You go where your focus goes.
You focus on it, your whole world will be colored by it.
Maybe you need to be in a position to be helping others, volunteering, doing something that no one else could possibly judge because they don't have the time or the gtus to do.
Feel good about it, and go with your new focus.
Good luck!

Answer 2

Hi. Im 27 and i can honestly say i feel the exact same emotions as you. I had the bullying and throughout my teenage life suffered such a crippling lack of confidence that turned me into a virtual recluse for 5 years. I feel the same way as you about leaving the house even today but over time its become something i can get through. I read an earlier answer which said that all confidence is just a show.. its true, im perhaps the shyest person i know but i bet my friends wouldnt say that. It doesn't mean im trying to be someone im not, its just knowing that the people you are facing every day are stuffed full of the same neurosis as you and i. I may be on the other side of the things you're experiencing now, but trust me, you are always going to live with this disjointed feeling. Its now a matter of whether you let paranoia waste your life. Just start doing those everyday things, as soon as you get the thought to do something, get out the the door and do it before you convince yourself everybody will be watching and judging you. When you can just leave the house whenever you damn well please you will feel more in control of your own life. GET A JOB!! perhaps the most rewarding thing you could do. Social interaction an money- result! Life is a pain in the *** for most of us, but sometimes we make it worse for ourselves. Do those things that there is no good reason you can't, its so hard but so worth it. Good luck dude.. It'll be cool!!

Answer 3

What an awful place ot be in I am sorry that your life is at such a bad point right now but it can get better just little step by little step you need LOADS of TLC and patience with yourself know that you can get there but it will take time, maybe your local library will be a good starting point for information and research on loads of subjects like nutrition, beauty, skills updating so that you might look to find a profession you are interested in. Most libraries now have free internet access and you might make some friends there and fnid out about free or discounted exercise classes - even the walk there will be an achievement! Sympathetic and helpful friends and a GP will help too but determination will go a long way too! Good luck!

Answer 4

you don't need a doctor telling you what you should do to help yourself or worrying what people might think of you...i was at that stage but life is full of problems and most of the time they seem to not show even a glimpse of a probable solutions.
my sincere advice is that you seem to high light only bad parts of you believe me everyone shares the same thing they just deal with it differently.....I'll give you an example:scientist did an experiment to figure out if that we heal or recover faster due to medication or our minds acknowledging the medication so they separated a group of 10 people into 2groups of 5...the 1st group called A where given normal medication for there symptoms,the 2nd group B where give pills that where like gum (look completely the same) after a month they found both groups had tackled the symptoms at similar rates...showing that the mind plays a big role in ones recovery.my point is start where you are and create goals and work towards them.good luck p.s 'when you run so fast to get somewhere,you miss half the fun of getting there,when you worry and hurry threw your day,it's like a unopened gift thrown away)

Answer 5

If your e-mail is any guide maybe you spend too much lot of time convincing yourself of your misery, as it just make sit worse. If you cannot find any positives at least do not dwell on the negatives, real or imaginary...

Do you not have any trustworthy relative, friend, neighbour or anyone else to talk to? Start doing something that you find rewarding: physical exercise, hobby, charity work, reading, just anything that you can talk about if someone asked you what you've been up to lately. Anything where you can set yourself a target, reach it, then set yourself a slightly higher target again etc...

And apply for a job, any job, within the law of course, even barely paid, then once you have got this occupation, you have something to build on: either by improving it or by looking for a better one. Then you're back on the ladder.

Not sure if this helps but good luck anyway. Cheers

Answer 6

yes i think most people go through times like this and whether the reasons are real or imagined doesnt matter becuase all our fears are very real to us.
I think you have to start with small steps and it sounds like to me that you have already made huge steps forward becuase you are admitting to your problems you have identified what you need to change and you know where you want to be. Thats a huge step and although i know it doesnt feel like it now it is really.
So now you have to take all that determination and guts and go out and do what you need to do. that is shop. Then you need to begin to make your way forward. So lets look at the things you can begin to work on one step at a time. Its really hard to diet and when you start to feel miserable then you eat which defeats the object but once you start to lose the weight it is rewarding. So make your self a promise, it takes about 2 weeks before you start to see the weight really come off. promise your self you will really try just for 2 weeks and do it measure your self first and weigh your self. Then try hard. Low fat high fibre, low carbs, at least its cheap!! fruit veg and a small amount of protein. at the end of the two weeks ( if you havent cheated you should start to see a difference) this will give you more incentive to carry on, little steps all the time set your self small goals. Exercise Toning up really does help but gyms are expensive maybe you have a local authority one thats cheap in the day if not, walking is free, walk every day quickly and up hills too make your self increase a little every more every day. now buying clothes right now is perhaps a little premature becuase you ARE going to lose that weight so try to make the most of what you have always make sure they are looking clean and well pressed, it helps. save a bit and buy some moisturiser drink lots of water, not alcohol thats fattening and ruins your looks. with all this healthy living you will be really surprised how quickly your whole body starts to improve, you are young and this premature ageing will begin to improve.lastly and not yet but when you are feeling a little more confident try and find a national health dentist who can help you. thats going to be your biggest step i think. You can do this and yes it will take time but you know in less than 6 months you can be a whole new person. Give your self time and kindness, reward your self when you have achieved and like your self. You are a strong person look how much you have achieved so far. And as for those cruel stupid people, well they are not worth a second look, just remember everyone and i really mean everyone has something about them selves they dont like honest. and the more they protest they havent and ridicule others the more you know they have and they are lying . keep reminding yourself of that. Most people never even begin to recognise what their problems are never mind identify the steps they need to take well done to you
i wish you all the best, just keep reminidng your self of all the things you have achieved so far.

Answer 7

Let go of the things you cannot change and begin doing something about the things that you can change. Exercise and proper diet will make you feel so much better. But with that, realize that beauty is mostly an inner thing. So many people radiate beauty despite their poverty and challenges. Adopt a positive attitude. Be kind to others. Make a conscious effort to find and help others with kind acts. Volunteer your time at a hospital or nursing home. Thank those who are trying to help you.

Concentrate on what you see around you that is beautiful. Don't allow yourself to think on the negative. Take an I CAN approach and you'll be amazed at how life can change.

Answer 8

It is mind over matter - you have to tell yourself that although you were a victim of bullying that you will not be a victim - by not going out that is what you are becoming - you need to get someone to go out with you for moral support and your confidence will increase. All the problems you mentioned above are all treatable and are able to be fixed. How can you expect people to like you if you don't start liking yourself. Look inside yourself and find something you like and make sure you acknowledge it everyday and then build up on the other parts of your body.

Answer 9

I have had very low times, although this is not about outscoring on the low times, just that I can say with 100% certainty we all have them.
The way I approached it was to focus on me and to forget what petty preduces others may have. In the end its just a case of nibbling at the problems I felt I had, working on a dailly basis rather than worrying too much.
Eating well and healthy is a start, so focus on that first, then think about excersise, doesnt have to be much, just a walk is a start. Little steps, literally and mentally, eventually they add up to the distance.
Bad times always balance with good times, keep smiling, those that want to put you down are at least as full of problems as yourself, possibly more so.

Answer 10

It's always interesting to get advice from people who think they hold the answers for someone else. Especially, when talking about changing one's life.

I can't say I've ever experienced all of the things you have, but I've experienced some. I won't act like I hold the answers you seek. Truth is, only you hold your own answers.

I will point out a couple of things that help me to move forward when fear starts to hold me back.

1) Other people will view me how they choose to, how I view myself is of my own choosing.

2) The role of victim to the bullies and critics of the world is a role I must accept. If I reject the role, then I can choose to be a survivor of those events beyond my control and a success in those events that are within my control.

***
"No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear."
-- Edmund Burke, "A Philosophical Inquiry into the Origin of Our Ideas of the Sublime and Beautiful", 1756
Irish orator, philosopher, & politician (1729 - 1797)

Answer 11

Here it is...Everyone is different and an individual. If you try to fit into everyone else's expectations, you'll never be happy.
You would be surprised on how much difference the "image" of confidence can do. Just go out there and hold your head up and remember...YOU are the only one that can be YOU. Nobody else can do what you do. You are the best at being you. Anyone that has a problems with you, is merely jealous and it's THEIR problem.
Here's a little secret about people...
Anyone who judges another is simply unhappy with themself and feels the need to look down at others to make themself feel better.
Anyone who is happy with themself, will want to share that happiness and treat others respectfully.
So...Keep this in mind...Anyone that you feel that is looking down their nose at you is only unhappy with themself and they see you as better than they are and they will try to tear you down.