I have been married for 12 years and I think I have had enough. When he is around I feel like I am sufficating. He is really hard on our oldest son to the point that my son is actually asking me to leave him. He works comes home and does nothing but complain and expects to be waited on hand and foot. He is the type that thinks he is always right and when I try to tell him to cool it I get told to shut up and if I don't like it then leave. If I want to do something and he don't then we don't do it. He is refusing to go to our son's basketball game because it is to far away and I don't believe in missing any sport that our kids are in. My son is not doing well in school, becasue of missing homework. I asked him why he don't bring it home to do it and he told me it is because his dad looks over his shoulder and makes him feel stupid. Everything in me wants a divorce but part of me feels guilty. If I leave he has no one, part to do with his attitude. Also, I dont work.
2007-03-12 02:09:47 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have left before and he always says things will change but they don't. He usually within a week turns everything around it make it my fault. At one point his own brother told me to leave him. His family has nothing to do with us because of his attitude.
2007-03-12 02:23:52 · update #1
Sweetie right now, the big picture is staring you in the eyes, you already know whats going on in your home and your son. The ball is in your court and you can do something about it, don't make it as if your the one that's making his life miserable. You said that you left once, and you can still do it if you wish, your brother in law is behind you all the way,even your own son is asking you.
Don't let your husband ruin you nor your son. Your big problem is not having a job, but your son. If you love him you will do everything in your power to make sure that his safe, your son depends on you,don't let him down. Talk to your in laws and ask them if they can help you two,like to see if you and your son can stay with them for a while while your looking for a job. Do all that you can so your son can have at least a good future without his father. I hope that this help, I wish you luck and bless you!!
2007-03-12 03:00:05 · answer #1 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u didn't mention if when this behavior started? ever since u married him or few years back? well, like they say marriages are not made in heaven and usually we get marry out of love for each other (of cors no one marries someone they did not love -at least).. the tricky part is how to keep that love alive to last .unfortunately, its a fact that relationships that has lasted for a century are still prone to falling out of love. There is no one formula that can guarantee that all marriages or relationships will last forever. Its a constant give & take in everday of your life. Learn to see the other persons (ur partners) point of view, accept ones flaws and meet in the middle.
However, in your case, 12 years of putting up with him is too much but u must have dragged yourself this long hoping that he will change.Alas! in 12 yrs, did he changed for the better or gotten worst? if things didnt change the way u wished they were & u have done ur best (on your part as a mother & wife), then there is no point in holding on. Move on..get a job ..let him see that you can be on your own. This move can help him to realize what he has been missing (coz he was too busy fault finding). I understand when you say that u feel guilty coz then he has no one to understand & love him knowing his attitude (bad that is) but u can't sacrifice forever. u ought to think about yourself as "you".Believe me its not easy but you'll come around in time.
Your next step might just be what he needed.
by the way, am not married yet but this scenarios can happen to any relationships.
2007-03-12 09:50:02 · answer #2 · answered by jables 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you both tried marriage counseling yet? If not I suggest you do and try this first before giving up on this marriage all together. If you drive and have a car you can take your son to a sports game. He does not absolutley have to go to it with you and your son. Have you talked to your sons school about his grades yet? I would if i were you and i would explain some things to them. You do the homework with your son and dont let him look over his shoulder. You need to get a job as well and save some money up or you wont be able to leave anyway. Also go to http://www.drphil.com and email him and Robin for help and advice in this case. Good luck to you and here comes lots of hugs your way.
2007-03-12 10:05:27 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I finally gave up after 15 years of marriage.If you can possibly hold on until you find a job. Because this man sounds like the type that will not help you even though you have children together. It takes time for a divorce and for the judge to rule that he has to pay child support. For me I had two children 6years and 9 years he did not give a penny for six months that's when the judgment came down. Thank God I got a job before I left. This is why I am giving you this advice.
2007-03-12 09:17:46 · answer #4 · answered by Janst 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely need to leave this man, and do NOT believe him when he says he will change. He can't change on his own, and I bet he doesn't think he needs help. Many people believe you should stay married "for the kids". But this is why I don't believe in it. Look what it's doing to your son? Do you want him to grow up and be like this? He is already having problems dealing with the behavior and you need to leave as soon as you possibly can.
Good luck in whatever you decided.
2007-03-12 10:00:18 · answer #5 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was me a long time ago. I'd say he needs an eye opener. Start going out on the town. If that doesn't open his eyes, nothing will. It may get rougher for a few months, but he will either shape up or ship out. I shaped up and we are happier now than either of us ever dreamed possible and I guarantee, no other person would make either of us as happy as we are together. There was a reason we got married and we found it in the pain. Get tough. Remember: When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
2007-03-12 09:18:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whenever I read posts like these I wonder what the man's side of the story is. YOU married this guy, YOU chose him to create children with and you are just now realizing he is a jerk-or so you say?
Come on. Own some responsibility in this situation and take a good look at yourself and what YOU may be doing to contribute to the unhappiness in your own home. Is there something going on with your husband? Is he under some stress at work?
You don't work and he supports you. He can't be ALL bad. Maybe you are blowing things out of proportion. I think it is all too easy in this society to tear men down and ***** and complain about them before we as women look at the speck in our own eye.
I am not saying there aren't real situations of real abuse. Unless he is physically abusing you and your child in some way, addicted to drugs or having affairs-you have a moral obligation to work on your marriage-FOR YOUR SON. And that might just mean making some changes in yourself and the way you approach your husband and the way you deal with your relationship issues. I suggest BOTH of you read 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage' by Dr. Laura. Good luck!
2007-03-12 09:24:35 · answer #7 · answered by conservamommy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
when each partner wants different things from life, and your traveling down different roads in life, and can't meet anymore, it may be time to move on if you have communicated, told the other one how this is hurting u, and if nothing ever changes u should get out. but sometimes people jump the gun and leave a marriage that therapy could have helped. he may be depressed, but if he isn't willing to get help u can't help him. u need to talk to your husband tell him what is wrong and if nothing works u need to leave, and not feel guilty.
2007-03-12 09:19:17 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a job and move on...stupid and shut up are just wrong. Its abusive really. For your kids sake and yours...forget his..move on.
The guilt..is it really you, or is it his hold on you??
Are you happy? Are your kids really ok around him....hitting is not the only form of abuse.
His own family left him...you should too...for good. Don't start feeling lonely and like your never gona find someone else and be weak and go back. IF anything be strong for your kids sake.
2007-03-12 09:13:24 · answer #9 · answered by ste.phunny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the next time he tells you to leave , leave. go to friends , family a battered womans shelter. it has got to be better than staying in such an abusive relationship. it's affecting you and your kids. time to bail
2007-03-12 09:22:04 · answer #10 · answered by simplyme 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋