I have this friend who has always had trouble managing her money and now she has lost her job and is homeless. I live in a bedsit with separate sleeping( looks like the tiny one bed flats you see in IKEA) and my two children (three and five) stay over three nights a week. I can just barely manage my own finances so have told her that I can't send her money or let her stay with me as my children stay there two. i have given her contact details of a homeless charity but I feel guilty not taking her in....
2007-03-12 01:30:06 · 24 answers · asked by Lilly11a 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Well don't!! You have given her as much support as you can now she must do something for herself too. You clearly aren't in a position to help her and if she was a real friend she would understand that. Your children come first, simple as that.
2007-03-12 01:37:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Maybe this could be the wake up call she needs. Of course you can't have her stay with you, and you are struggling to keep yourself afloat. You would lose your single person's council tax status, as she needs an address to draw benefits.
Be firm on this, she is a grown-up. The homeless charity will not only find her accommodation, but help her find employment. Give her nothing but advice, and job vacancies you spot.
She has no right to put you in such a dilemma, so stop feeling guilty. I'm sure you will help anyone out in a difficulty, but you are not wrong in this one.
2007-03-12 06:13:08 · answer #2 · answered by Thia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her the number of the Citizens Advice Bureau and local DHSS office. It is not your fault that this has happened to her and your children have to come first. If giving her the telephone numbers of people does not make you feel better invite her around for a meal one evening (Do something cheap and cheerful like a bolognaise etc. as you said your finances were also a bit tight) and just emphasise how you would have loved to have helped here out but your children are your flesh and blood and obviously more of a priority but you will always be there for her if she needs a chat or help filling out forms from the DHSS.
2007-03-12 01:38:14 · answer #3 · answered by Angeleyez2007 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should not feel guilty and she is no friend if she lays guilt on you. You literally do not have the room and cannot jeopardise the time you spend with your children, as this is important to you. You have given her info regarding her situation, which is more than some people do. Do not feel guilty, I am sure if you had a house you would let her stay but you haven't and you are not a charity case.
2007-03-12 05:43:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel guilty at all. Money and shelter is not the only way tho you can help your help. Why not help her find a job or take her out and spend time with her?
A friend would understand your situation and should know what your limitations are. I don't think she should have asked you in the first place. If your friend has taken it in the wrong way, let her go. Maybe living it abit rough will make her tighten her finances up.
2007-03-12 01:46:52 · answer #5 · answered by Sandie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you feel guilty? You are not responsible for her not managing her money , losing her job, or being homeless. That's on her. These things happen. You do not have space or facilities to take in a roommate and she should understand. Your children come first.
It stinks for your friend's situation but she needs to get herself back on her feet and go find the resources for help until she can do so.
2007-03-12 01:46:32 · answer #6 · answered by jenni_bu2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong. Every healthy relationship need boundaries or else there will be co-dependency which stunts personal growth and makes taking personal responsibility difficult to do b/c it's easier to blame other factors, whether it be people or circumstances.
Just be there for her emotionally. That's really what's important. The others are right. She will hopefully learn some valuable life lessons. If she has some sort of addiction that is of prime importance to take care b/c without resolving the issue, she will not get out of the hole she's dug herself into.
2007-03-12 01:50:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no you're right sweetheart.
i have such trouble managing my monneytoo, i tend to ave it in my bank for around ten minutes, then it's gone, but you're absolutely right. although he's your friend, that doesn't give her the right to overload her problems onto you.
you did the right thing to give her the details of the charity, another thing to do is put her in touch with the local council or/and housing association- by law, they can't let her be homeless and so will put her in a hostel, then shjared accomodation for a while before finding her a flat. but she does have to it on her own.
good luck to both you and your friend.
xxx
2007-03-12 01:39:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are not wrong at all...you have no room it's a simple as that...I'm sure if you could, u would let her stay. and instead of just saying no..u gave her help full advice which is what a real friend would do....am sure your friend doesn't want you to end up in the same situation as her and appreciates your advice. your a good friend!
2007-03-12 05:01:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you're not wrong, you've offered her good advice and need to put you and your children first. She will never sort herself out when people keep bailing her out. Don't feel guilty about this and if she trys to make you feel like that then she isn't that good a friend. x x x
2007-03-12 03:41:52 · answer #10 · answered by picklexxx 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋