What do they mean when they say........?

Question

Where do you think this relationship is heading?

We've been together for 8 months and have taken it very slowly as both been hurt in the past, both been married, have kids etc. We see each other 4 times a week, he comes to mine as I have my kids 24/7, he sees his son once a week, though we don't see each other on the day he has his son.

I didn't answer his question at the time as all I could think of was 'why is he asking me this - is there something wrong', but how can you know where a relationship is heading.

Comments gratefully appreciated.

Just like to add that I know he doesn't want marriage as he's been down that road twice before and he doesn't want more kids and neither do I so we are both agreed on those two subjects.

Have told him we need to spend more time together i.e. us with our kids so we all get to know each other better and he agreed.

Did ask him his thoughts on subject when he asked me the question but he just said I needed to reply first.

Confused?

Answer 1

He wants to know if you intend to get more serious. It's unusual for a guy to ask the question.

Answer 2

Maybe you have taken it more slowly than him....maybe he is ready for a commitment from you. You have to decide if it is time to quicken up the pace because it seems he is ready to. Work out if the hurt of the past has been addressed, and decide if you are ready for a real relationship because I think thats what he is really saying when he asks where the relationship is heading....he is waiting for a positive response from you that will give him hope that there will be a future with you.

Answer 3

perhaps he asked the question where is it heading because he is thinking that if you see this as a possible long term thing that he wants to introduce you to his son, you say he is with your children but you dont see him when he has his, perhaps he is thinking it would be nice to try and all meet up together, which would happen eventually if it is long term. No one knows where a relationship is going but you can tell him how you feel it is just now, he obviously has been thinking about it and wants to know how you feel. Talk to him, he spends time with you and your children, maybe he wants the same with his, sounds like he is putting himself out there by asking, help him out, Good luck, to all of you

Answer 4

Are you comfortable with the no marriage option? Can you see this relationship being long term? I remember having a chat with my boyfriend about this some time ago,and I basically told him that I just wanted us to do what was right for us-as long as we were happy,that was all that mattered to me. So many people put an emphasis on this 'path' couples are supposed to take-but that path doesn't suit everybody. So I said we may go on as we are now,we may move closer together,we may move in together-we may even change our minds about marriage-who knows? As long as we do what's right for us and our relationship-in our own time-that's all that matters to me. I think my response helped him to relax a bit,as he seemed a bit anxious when he asked me.
Hope this helps.

Answer 5

The best thing to ask him is what he means by that because if he explains it further you will answer knowing what he expects from you.

I guess what he wanted to know is are you really committed in the relationship or how would you feel if called the realationship off. Probably it is because he was hurt beore that is why he is asking you a rather awkward question.

Tell him you see it worki out and the two of you getting married.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Sounds to me like he's wondering how seriously you are involved ... perhaps he's trying to find out if you both want the same things from the relationship, so it would be worth sitting him down and asking him why he asked the question, where HE see's it going.. if anywhere, because if you both have different views of the relationship, you might not want to invest all your emotions in something that isn't going to end up how you want.

Answer 7

As a very broad generality, I think that when a man asks about the future of a relationship, he wants it to have a future, maybe wants to move on to whatever he considers to be the "next stage", but doesn't want to risk too much.
But a lot goes on the situation, tone of voice, etc. Did it sound like an "I'm not sure if we have a future" or "I'd like to have a future together if that's what you want"?

Answer 8

He could be looking for reassurance from you that your relationship is heading towards a marriage or maybe he just didn't know how to let you know how he feels and was looking for a way to start a conversation about your relationship.
Talk to him about it.
Hope this helps.

Answer 9

some people just like their privacy and theres some things only he and his son does and I guess he doesn't want his son to be shocked that his dad has a new friend.

So its not heading anywhere. You're both very different people and they say opposites attract! So congrats!

Answer 10

hmmm. sounds as tho he wants to know are you really serious about him, but he's too scared to come out with it for the reasons you mentioned.
so you need to look deep inside yourself and ask if you are in love with him, do you want to be with him for the forseeable future, do you want to get to know his son the way he knows your kids, etc
then take deep breath and tell him exactly how you feel. it will be scary! 1st say to him, 'i've been thinking about your question and i ahve my answer for you, but i'd like to ask what you mean, and also to tell me what thoughts and feelings you had to ask me it? so i'll talk about my feelings once i fully understand where you're coming from'
listen to him, then tell him truthfully what you feel, even if it differs to what he feels.
hopefully you both feel the same way!
but if not, best to know now so either he can move on if you dont want him, or you can move on if he doesnt want you for longterm relationship.
i would have thought after 8 months and with the trust high enough for him to meet your kiddies, that there's fututre in this for you both, but lay cards on table now to prevent confusion.
when i met ny current pertner, i was very reticent to reveal true feelings as had 2 kids from previous marriage, and was scared! but one night he told me how he felt, and that he didnt want a casual relationship, so if i didnt feel the same i had to tell him now so we could discontinue what we had, but if i felt the same that would be brill! i was angry with him! for making me face up to my emaotions and reveal my inner self so much after being so hurt before! but i was mad about him, and the next day i relented and said i loved him too!! so i'm glad he made me face up to myself!
good luck!