im 29. is it true i should worry about any girl wanting to get involved with me because of what ive been?

Question

through in life? and what im still going through? i heard somewhere that no young attractive girl wants an elder guy with lots of baggage. ive recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, im waiting to be assesed for therapy, ive had alot of trauma and hard times in my life. to this day i have a very low confidence. i dont feel good enough for any girl. i find it difficult to even maintain conversation flow...i feel i have nothing going for me, ive never worked, because of my probs), my waiting for therapy, i live alone in council tenancy, council flat, im on benefits...one of my ambitions is to relocate from england and get into employment with a good job...but i cant see myself achieving this..instead i see myself dying early...my low moods states, isolation, and feelings of exclusion from society finally caving me in. as i wait for therapy, i stay in everyday and only venture out when i have to, i have great anxiety and inner rage, difficulty controling it. what

girls going to want me? i have to much baggage..the answer is no pretty girl will....im aging prematurley, with lines and wrinkles, i have two missing teeth to, that need implants

Answer 1

who doesn't have baggage? give me a break. just keep your chin up and she'll come along, regardless of what you're going through. But, you're certainly not gonna find someone just sitting around at home on your computer.

Answer 2

Although u've been diagnosed with BPD, it shouldn't make you feel like you can't go on with life. The thing to look at is you need to be positive. And the only way you can do that is accept who you are and the way you are, and when you do then others will and you'll be suprised to how many girls would find you attractive. You say you have a low confidence and that you've not done much in your life...its true the past is the past, but dont let the past take over your future. Only you can help yourself for others to help you. Why don't you participate in some voluntary activities or join a club or do some workshops to gain some skills, do something for yourself. This will help boost your confidence and will make you feel good too. You need to gradually break the shell your in and try and do stuff to make you feel happy. Don't feel the worlds against you. Theres always people wanting to help.

Answer 3

It's your attitude that's making you miserable. Get up your bed and start enjoying your life! Life is too short to be wasted!

Everyone has his own share of quirks and idiosyncrasies. Just think of it - that you are very, very lucky to be alive - out of the billions of your dad's sperm cells aiming to reach your mom's egg cells - you won over them. Now what makes you think that you are no good and that you have no capabilities?

Sure you have capabilities and abilities. In fact, you are unique. You are created for a special purpose. Don't waste your talents and your life by just sulking.

You are what you think you are - if you start thinking about yourself in positive terms, chances are, you'll be relieved of your depression and feelings of isolation.

You cannot change your past, but you still can mold your future. Forgive and forget. Don't let past hurts ruin your life. That's why it is PAST. It has long been gone and would never return again. Learn to trust people. Not all people are bad, in fact, there are a lot who are good and are willing to help you - only, you must learn to open youself first. No man is an island. Go out your house and don't isolate yourself.

I suggest that you join a BIble-believing group or a group therapy session for borderline personality disorder. Also consult a psychiatrist or a psychologist.

About worrying for a girl to want you, follow those suggestions above. And start practicing good hygiene and grooming. If a girl really loves you, she will not care about who you are and what your past is. THe most important thing is your present and your future - which you can still mold to be the person you want to be.

God Bless and Good Luck on your new life!

Answer 4

i'm sorry to hear that you are so down on yourself. Everyone has the opportunity in life to try to make better decisions for themselves.
it seems to me that you are wanting to make changes for the better in your life and I think you should follow through with it.
Don't worry about the girls right now, they will come in due time. Right now , you need to think about your health and how you want the rest of your life to be.
29 years old is NOT old. If you have therapy, you will be able to talk about that trauma and those hard times and find a way to move on from them. That is the first step you need to take. when you feel better mentally, then you will feel better physically, you'll get a job, and pay for some teeth and next thing you know, the girls will come without any extra effort on your part.
Don't rule yourself as dead just yet. I know you say you are going to die young and with that kind of thinking, well, you just might. There are many people that have Borderline Personality disorder. I dated a guy with it for over 3 years and if he hadn't cheated on me, we would have still been together.
So don't let a "label" fortell your whole life. You have a lot to live for and to look foward too.. I wish you lots of luck on your journey to recovery!

Answer 5

One day, you'll realize that being 29 is still very young and that there are people with worse problems than yours.

While you're waiting for therapy, get some motivational books from the library and start reading. Books such as The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie are all-time classics in the field of self-help. Also do some exercises, even just walking and sit-ups will help improve your mood too.

Remember, there's a woman for every man and sooner or later, you'll find her. Have hope!

Answer 6

Sounds like your feeling very down at this point in time. You say you would like to relocate from England and get into employment but on the other hand you say you can see yourself dying early. That inner spark of wanting to relocate, having the abition to achieve a good job, is fantastic, alot of people don't have that so don't let your abitions fade away through your fears, you can achieve this otherwise you wouldn't of thought about it in the first place. Think about your good points, I see you are able to express yourself well, this is always a strength in a relationship and ladies like that. It sounds like you need to build up some love and trust in yourself, as it sounds like your disconnected from your true self at the momment. Once you have built a relationship with yourself you can then go on to build a healthy happy relationship with another person. You say about living on your own and having a concil place, thats fantastic, alot of 29 year olds I know are still living at home with their parents and reliy on them for everything!. You are an independant, abitious, expressive young man with alot to offer, try to focus on your good points as these are the most important ones. Take care and good luck.

Answer 7

any one worth a stuff will take interest in you. i can understand your feelings and emoitions everyone will always have an opinion and try and tell it ive had an older controling man in my life he has caused me to become depressed and has squeezed every ounce of self worth out of me i never wanted to go out i got serious anxiety/panic attacks i felt isolated couldnt talk to anyone about any thing wouldnt leave home for weeks at a time but now i thankfully have escaped this relationship and now i have just discovered that there are people out there who do care and make me feel incredible about myself i never thought i would have the confidence to do anthing or become what i want to be but with the help of my family and new friends im getting over this i had a long wait for therapy to begin and without those close to me i hate to think what could have happened

but dont be disappointed in yourself you can achieve lots in your life even if you think you dont have long left there are poeple out there who will want youif you let them near baggage is nothing and we all have a history just take heart knowing that no matter what happens someone, maybe even a complete stranger, cares enough about you to worry that youre well and safe, take a chance life wouldnt be an adventure if you dont take a risk

Answer 8

Well, I think that there is a nice lady somewhere looking for you. I have been in counseling also and I have lots of support from my wife and children. Life hasn't been easy in the past 12 years, but I know that walking in the woods and going for a bike ride can make miracles. Find a spot in nature where you feel at peace and things will fall into place. Be patient, give time to yourself. Love yourself in spite of everything, don't be too demanding. Real women are looking for someone honest and caring and not for someone handsome.

Answer 9

Your answer is to love and accept yourself first - when you can do this your esteem will grow and this in itself will attract the girls to you. Get some good counselling with the BPD and accept that this is you - who you are. Set small goals to get out more and do things to improve your mood - this may be going to the gym for a jog need not cost much. Keep a journal too, this is really helpful as it shows that you have a lot more to be grateful for in life.

Answer 10

Yeah,I think your right,.The only person you will attract at the moment is someone as desperate as yourself and that will just perpetuate the cycle of dysfunction.I mean look at yourself.You don't even like you so how can you expect to be attractive to someone else.However I don't believe that things have to stay this way.You have choices,you can choose to be the "victim" or you can choose life.Yeah I know it's hard but as someone already said,we all have baggage and we are what we are because of it or in spite of it.Good luck with your therapy but don't think it's a magic cure.You will have to apply yourself and work hard but hopefully you will come to realise that you are valuable and worthy and learn to love yourself.

Answer 11

And it seems that you are also hugely depressed at the moment. Don't worry about it so much and definitely don't dwell on the bad things so much or that will just make your problems worse. You aren't that old (I hope because I'm 30 and living in a rented apartment while having very little money) and you can always change a situation for the better. Just relax and enjoy what you can.