Such as keeping the laundry up, having more sex, better money management...
We're both so stubborn and my husband is incapable of keeping his voice down when we're arguing which results in ineffective arguing. I get so frustrated I just feel like letting him take care of all the crap himself...
2007-03-11 22:08:55 · 9 answers · asked by THATgirl 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
...meaning I have absolutely no motivation to clean up the dirty kitchen, do the laundry... and so on...
which, by the way, is not all that we're fighting about... I'm just mentioning the things that he wants out of me and how I don't feel like doing it... AT ALL...
2007-03-11 22:10:45 · update #1
The Sylvan... I appreciate your time and I understand that you have to make some assumptions while answering certain questions, especially topics such as these, but as I said we're BOTH stubborn... but my husband is the one that says he shouldn't have to compromise. And how can you assume that he'd be better single or find a different wife? That's a horrible thing to say and I hope I am not projecting that I think he's worthless. Shame on you for earning TOP CONTRIBUTOR somehow. My husband is in the military and works extremely hard. I was a single parent for 3 weeks while he was gone. I am a stay at home mom. I work extremely hard too... but apparently since I don't get paid it's not good enough for you or my husband, even though he "wants" me to stay home. I can't think about why I got married in the first place because that would be dwelling on the past and I would like to go forward and make this relationship a lasting and loving one. I try to take objective advice well but...
2007-03-11 22:41:46 · update #2
yes another... that wasn't very nice...
2007-03-11 22:45:43 · update #3
The Sylvan... I have read my response to you over and over and I have yet to see where I was attacking you except for your, as you said, integrity as a top contributor - now I understand that feature of Y!A. I am the one that is feeling attacked here. You did have some valid points... I don't have a problem admitting to what I am doing wrong. In fact my question in itself was condemning my own faults as being rebellious... I really wasn't looking for a pity party. It's not like I'm proud of feeling rebellious towards my husband... I am well aware that no good comes out of it. I'm trying to understand how I can edit my question... once you know let me know. I absolutely appreciate honesty and boy have you dished it out... I do not like asking question that are going to result in obvious answers. As a Veteran you must know that MORE than 50% of marriages within the military end in divorce due to the extreme stresses military personnel and their wives go through.
2007-03-12 01:37:19 · update #4
What I failed to say is that my husband JUST got back from a 3-wk TDY. It seems that when he first gets back is when we always have problems and I must not be the only one since the military has programs offered to couples coming back from TDYs and required to personnel coming back from deployments to teach how to easy back into your family. As I said I did not mean to attack you when I responded initially - just wanted to give you some better insight - but now I definitely feel the need to defend myself... is this what YOU call debating? Cause it sure feels like you're fighting. I can see that you're an intelligent person and as I said in my first response I appreciate your time. And let me get this straight with you... I absolutely LOVE staying home with my daughter and I am absolutely aware that I would not have the PRIVELAGE to stay home with her if my husband were not in the military. But it IS a job... it's the hardest job in the world, and I'm proud to say that.
2007-03-12 01:44:05 · update #5
You cannot compare a marital relationship to that of an SrA to a 1st Shirt... my husband is not my boss. A husband and wife are supposed to meet in the middle... COMPROMISE. And I certainly don't argue with everyone... I'm just not going to sit here and let you attack me like this without saying something. Just because I have a mouth on me and stand up for what I feel doesn't mean I need to grow up. I'm 24 going on 25. I am a happy person with marital issues that I would like to work out. Look at my question again... in what way was that attacking my husband? Again I have no problem admitting to myself or my husband or everyone here on Y!A that I have things about myself I need to fix, but relationships need to work them out together and both parties need to work with each other. When one isn't doing their part it's difficult for the other to get anywhere. As I said we're BOTH stubborn... it'd be nice to be able to STOP being rebellious and find a way to compromise.
2007-03-12 01:51:58 · update #6
Aw, Sylvan - now that is constructive criticism. THAT I can take in and REALLY appreciate. I had a tight face thinking of some of the things you had said... and maybe a lot of it was true but my defenses were in full color, but now you've warmed my heart and given me the encouragement and inspiration I needed. Thanks... really... you've gone from my least favorite answer to my favorite... and it's not like you changed what you said... you just said it in a manner that I can take and really listen to.
2007-03-12 05:05:25 · update #7
PS - maybe that's the difference between what I'm saying to my husband and what I really want to get across...
2007-03-12 05:07:35 · update #8
Men tend to get louder especially when a Wife does not want to do the things that traditionally she otherwise would be taking the lead in such as the hominess of the house.
Yes, you do sound stubborn, and it sounds like you would rather fight than compromise. He'd probably do better to be single or find someone that wants to be in the Wife role.
Then again,.....I am one to believe that men and women should share in house duties, but, that's the area you have to take the lead in. He should be the one to fix things and such, and I'm sure ( I'm assuming he works, and works hard) .......he doesn't expect you to go to work with him and do half his job with him. So,.......maybe just from this comment you might get a clue.
Fighting between spouses should never be that. There should be disagreements where the primary goal is to solve the problem or issue. If you are both fighting and not giving an inch, then you should both ask yourselves and each other why the hell you got married in the first place. If you lived alone, I'm sure you would be cleaning your own home, doing your laundry, and keeping it up,.......so what is the big problem other than you?
2007-03-11 22:26:44 · answer #1 · answered by The Sylvan Wizard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi, I am 49 and male.
when your husband is not angry .. ask him this question:
"Are we two people in this marriage?"
I think you need to get him to face the fact that it's not always possible for two people to have an identical opinion .. and the only way to compromise is by communicating.
hopefully he will come to realise that raising his voice is only proving that he doesn't want to communicate.
in the meantime, perhaps you could give some thought to the direction you see the marriage going .. and in particular how everything is going to be paid for.
the two biggest problems in a marriage are communication and money worries, so this is a good time for you both to realise that addressing those issues is important before you get on to the other things like making sure you don't spend all your time cooped up together at home with nothing to do except argue.
2007-03-12 05:29:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
absolutely, sometimes it is easier to rebel than to do what they want because you end up resenting them.
But you already know how stubborn both of you are, so someone needs to step up and get the job done. He doesn't really need to be raising his voice, but at the same time, I don't really know if you maybe you are doing the same thing and just not being aware of it.
There is a book that I bought, read and love. Its called "the proper care and feeding of marriage". Its by Dr. Laura Slessinger. It really has a lot of insight about what men and women both want and need out of their marriage, but most of all how to properly go about getting it. How to approach each other and love each other. How changing just a small aspect of how you speak to your spouse can change your whole marriage.
Its really an insightful book with a lot of true stories of regular people like you and I who have issues like this.
i wish you luck. I know how it feels to just get so fed up with it all that you don't want to lift a finger around the house because you dont feel appreciated. It used to happen to me, but after reading some insightful stories, my husband now helps me with the chores and does so with a smile.
2007-03-12 05:25:22 · answer #3 · answered by Deu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get this book by C. Terry Warner, The bonds that make us free. I promise neither one of your lives will be the same(In a positive way). Also, if only one person reads this book and follows the simple(not easy) steps, it most likely will have a positive efect on both partners.
DON'T wait until you need counseling before you try and fix your problems. It is often too late by then. (I KNOW I'm going to get reemed by a therqpist
Good luck!
2007-03-12 05:41:47 · answer #4 · answered by John L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah. We fought over a credit card one time. We got one of those spam envies in the mail that said we could get an account for their credit card..then a few days later we got a call from a lady from master card saying she wanted to talk to me about my account. I had no account with them. We used to have a card about 4 years ago but canceled it long time ago. My husband said I was busy and she hung up, my husband continued to grill me for 3 days saying he knows of the secret card I had and wanted to know why I had it and how much I spent. So I just stoped. I stoped cooking, cleaning, doing HIS laundrey and taking care of the house for those 3 days. On the 4rth day when he got home from work I called master card on speaker phone with him right there and had the lady look up my info and see when the last time i had a mastercard and why she called me. They called me because it had been so long since I droped their card that they wanted to try and get us back as costomers. My husband took me shopping that weekend and he cleaned the house up. He knows now to trust what I say. I did it because I was soo upset that he didnt believe me. Some lady we never met calls and says something and he believes her but not his wife of 5 years when I have never given him a reason to not trust me?? that was really screwed up
2007-03-12 05:20:00 · answer #5 · answered by I hate stupid ppl like you 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are both stressed out and need to prove yourself right atleast at home front but i would think if you understand him more,analyse him more and then when he flares up you will feel like laughing as you expected it coming and make him comfortable and treat him like a small kid and love him he will like it and he will give in to you and you will be the samurai
2007-03-12 05:25:48 · answer #6 · answered by ajoygala 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No man should see himself entitled to have sex if he screams down his wife.
Sex is about giving each other, and believe me, it's impossible to get the least bit aroused, if the man is disrespectful towards his wife (screaming etc).
I don't see sex as a duty a woman haves towards her husband, as something she needs to do, even if she isn't in the mood for it.
2007-03-12 09:00:27 · answer #7 · answered by Chevrolet*Blazer*Girl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he is making you feel depressed. Everyone responds to stress differently.
2007-03-12 05:12:07 · answer #8 · answered by August lmagination 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you tried putting duct tape to your mouth.
2007-03-12 05:34:44 · answer #9 · answered by ill take it straight with no ice 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋