I'm 28 and I've been married about 1 yr 4 months. My husband and I are 13 weeks pregnant. The problem is that we've only had sex 4 times since he found out we're pregnant. At first, he said he was afraid because of possibly hurting the baby. 2 of the times we had sex, I bled. My dr diagnosed me with a weak cervix and scheduled a cerclage for me. But she ok'd sex and said we'd be fine. At first, that was his excuse for no sex, but once the dr ok'd it, I thought we'd be ok. But he still hasn't touched me. I've tried propositioning him which used to work like a charm. He has became aroused, but said he still wasn't interested in having sex. I wish I could say it's my weight, but I've only gained 5 pounds so far. I'm still wearing my old clothes. He says it's stress related, but I've tried helping him relax, and it doesn't work. And he won't see anyone like a counselor to try to help. I'm at the end of my rope. What else can I do? I miss my husband!
2007-03-11 21:18:03 · 19 answers · asked by sassy2midnite 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't believe I'm being selfish. There is no affection right now except a kiss goodbye when he heads to work and a kiss hello when he comes back. He doesn't hug or touch me, despite the fact that I try to kiss, touch, and hug him. I've tried everything (including suprise oral, so don't tell me I'm selfish)
2007-03-11 21:27:01 · update #1
I almost don't even want to dignify the tv answers, but I'll do it just to stop them. There is no need to buy a 50 inch tv, because we have a projector in our living room that shines on the wall. He is not a sports fan. And just last week, I spent the last of the money I had in my pocket to buy the ingredients for his favorite meal, a six pack and his favorite snack. I cooked and served them naked. Any other bright (and stupid) ideas?
2007-03-11 21:32:37 · update #2
I appreciate all the serious answers here. And I am trying to accept them. But I don't understand why my being pregnant means I have to spend the 6 months I have left with no affection. I don't bug him about it constantly, I barely bring it up. So I don't understand why I have to be more understanding than he does. I wouldn't be so upset if he were affectionate toward me at all. I haven't received any more than a peck on the lips in months. It's not fair to me either.
2007-03-11 21:39:32 · update #3
He is trying to mentally process becomming a father and for some guys sex is tough with their pregnant wife or girlfriend. The mental side outways the physical and it ruins the mood. You have many years with him since he is your husband and it will get better just give it time, maybe shortly after the baby is born.
2007-03-11 21:23:25 · answer #1 · answered by littlegrizz 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
All that you are sharing is common with couples who experience their first pregnancy together. The concept of marriage and family only really hits a man when his wife is pregnant, until that time you are his lover, friend, turn on and perhaps even trophy.
Now that you are pregnant, it is a whole different thinking for your husband, he is going to be a father, this is huge responsibility in his eyes, and the stress of this, both emotionally and financially can diminish his sexual libido, as well as his attraction to you.
You are his wife, the mother to be of his children, you are no longer his lover and best friend. This does not mean that you will never be his lover and best friend again. it only mans that your husband needs time to digest all these changes, and depending on the man the time it takes to change can be anything from 1 day to perhaps even a few months after the birth of your child. Be patient, marriage is long term, and this does not mean he does not desire you or love you less.
There are many things you can do continue the intimacy in your relationship. Develop other bonding experiences besides sex. Remember the longer you stay together as a couple, the more investing and inventive you both have to be to keep the desire high.
Go to movies together, hang out at a pool bar, play some sports together, go sailing, to the beach, enjoy the time together before your child arrives, because then all you will have together will change. These activities together will also rebound you and your husband as lovers and friends.
With diplomacy and sensitivity, try and find a way, without hurting your man’s ego, to go see a therapist together.
The birth of a child together is a wonderful, moving and loving experience to share, so is the pregnancy, enjoy it together, and don't stress about the sex, as i am sure he loves you, he will come around. Don't push, don't pull, just be there and there is always hugging and snuggling till he comes around.
Wishing you the best of luck with your pregnancy and the birth of your child.
Roy W
2007-03-12 04:34:14 · answer #2 · answered by Roy W 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Let me just say this, from what you've shared it seems you guys have gone through A LOT in a short period of time. And my prayers are definitely with you. I think you'll need to step back and take serious look at the situation from his perspective. The last time you had sex and you had to go to the doctor. A cerclage is not a normal procedure during pregnancy. And while the doctor may have told you guys that it had nothing to do with your having sex [and cleared you for sex], he may not believe it. And if it were me I'd probably feel the same way. If he's thinking having sex will effect your unborn child's mortality, can you really blame him for not wanting to?
Maybe you guys can work on some alternatives for the time being. At least to make sure you're sexually satisfied, and to keep his mind at ease. I know this really isn't a fertility issue so to speak [you didn't have issues with conceiving] but it might be a good idea to talk with a counselor that specializes in helping couples deal with fertility issues. I wish you guys the best!
2007-03-12 04:32:42 · answer #3 · answered by Nuseed 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
See if you can make another appt. with your ob/gyn, at a time your man can go with you. If need be, get it in writing from this dr. that it is okay to have sex. And, let your man ask your dr. about any concerns he may have. Some guys are afraid the baby will bite their^^^ when he is in you. Can't/won't happen, but the imagination can go really far! And, if your man won't go with you to the dr., please ask a bunch of questions that the dr. can answer in writing for you to take home to your man. Sex is okay to have while you are pregnant, unless the dr. specifies otherwise. I wish you the best. Take care. And, congrats on your baby!
2007-03-12 04:37:09 · answer #4 · answered by SAK 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a man, I simply can't understand why? Of course I still don't have children? The only time sex has been difficult for me was when I felt my partner wasn't enjoying it. So, possibly he is still worried about harming you or the baby, which isn't the worst reason for not having sex, because it shows that at least he has you and the baby in mind.
2007-03-12 04:24:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Some guys feel very uncomfortable having sex with there wifes when they are pregnant. Knowing there child is inside you. I was worried I would have that problem, but luckly no worries. Hard to explain. It could even be a instinct thing of "I did my job" but I dont think so (I was even more attracted to my wife when she was pregnant) Just throwing some ideas out there for you. Ask him if he just feels weird about the sex because the kid inside you.
2007-03-12 04:27:29 · answer #6 · answered by hlind28 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband to be said it best, "A vagina is a sexy organ of lust until a woman has kids, then it becomes a nasty baby hole" Maybe your husband thinks like my love and simply finds the fact that you're going to be a mother absolutely disgusting. Oh and by the way, you shouldn't have gained 5 lbs already. You only need to eat a few hundred extra calories per day. Being pregnant isn't an excuse to get fat, so talk with your doctor and watch what you eat!
2007-03-12 04:30:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
What he needs to know is that your vagina's temperature is higher when you are pregnant. Maybe also you could try masturbating yourself in front of him, that always works. When he comes home from work, have him find you in the bedroom doing your thing. He needs to understand that sex is really awesome with a pregnant woman.
2007-03-12 05:22:39 · answer #8 · answered by G T 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He probably loves you to much and don't understand female body's especially while you are pregnant. Try to find some info on women sex and pregnant and make the time to read it with him it might help him understand its okay actually its better so obviously he doesn't know that.
2007-03-12 04:37:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is probably feeling stress about the pregnancy. Men don't always handle these things well. Give him some space and he'll work through it. If you miss the sex, then prehaps you can temporarily take care of your self (fingers, toys, etc).
Good luck.
2007-03-12 04:42:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋