Stuck in a cycle...do I have to be dishonest with myself to have friends?

Question

I have people tell me that they dont like to hang around me because I bring them down - I have problems. Its true - I have problems - and it does seem like more than my share.
Does this mean that to have freinds that I cant talk about my life or feelings?

Answer 1

Hello Freshbliss, friendship is about sharing. Here I will stress the word sharing. It is also about uplifting others as well. Friendship should not be one-dimensional where only you do the talking, and everbody else must listen. I sympathise with your problems, but you cannot always bring up the same subject over and over again. By doing this, your friends will think that you're a bore.

Now put yourself in your friends' shoes this instant, and imagine seeing yourself as your friends see you. Would you enjoy having a company such as yourself if you were your friend? Are they correct in their judgement? Friendship is not all about you, it is about a team of friends. By overburdening yourself with your own problems, you also inadvertently drag other people down as well (a.k.a. bringing them down.)

I have two such friends who are like that, and everytime, I have to listen to them and accomodate them. So I'm sorry to be having to say this, but I do sympathise with your friends as well. Share if you must your grief to friends, and if they are friends they will listen, but don't carp it continually on them.

Answer 2

Just because you have problems and get down doesn't mean you have to be dishonest with your friends. Talk to them about your problems but take an interest in theirs and try to look on the bright side once in a while cause no one wants to be around someone who is upset all the time.

Do something positive to find solutions to your own problems. Actions are admirable, worrying about it gets people down.

Answer 3

Everything can be viewed as a "problem" or as a "learning opportunity". There is no such thing as a "problem", only opportunities that challenge your creative energies. You can't control the universe, you can't control others, you can't control what the universe throws at you. You can control how you choose to view the universe and the opportunities that are presented to you. If your life is presented with something that you initially view as a problem, consider this; you will have to deal with it one way or another. So, in dealing with it you will learn something...if only how to deal with that particular "problem" at that particular time. So you will learn something. Why then view it as a problem? Consider it a "learning opportunity". Some learning opportunities are more interesting than others. But everything the universe presents to you is really a learning opportunity...and it is up to you how to feel about it. So enjoy your life and share your enjoyment with others. They will love the opportunity to explore your new view of life. This too is a learning opportunity. Have fun.

Answer 4

not necessarily. the best of freinds are the ones that can stick by u no matter what the situation. if u can express all ur feelings to these individuals and they try to help you without any complaints then they are truly good freinds. the friends you have now may eventually become those type of people but only time can tell.

Answer 5

In my opinion true friends will stick by you through thick and thin, however saying that if all you do and all you talk about is your self and your own problems than yes that can be a downer on other people, you have a large share of problems? so do alot of other people. sometimes you just have to deal with some of the problems on your own instead of going on and on about yourself every time you are with anyone else.

I really dont mean to be harsh but i have seen this before.

Do you know much about whats going on with your friends lives at the moment? or do you only ever talk and think about your own problems? how do you know that they arent going through problems just as bad as yours or worse, its just that they dont constantly bring up thier problems.

So mabye you should start using the time shared with your friends to escape your problems, and forget your worries and concentrate on your relationships with your friends.

Answer 6

Everyone has problems. Maybe you shouldn't harp so much on them and look at the glass as half full.
Keep a journal to get your feelings out. It is okay to talk to people about them, but read their facial expressions. If you notice they start getting a bored or exasperated look on their face change the subject to something light and airy, a topic with no weight.

What I always do is spread all my negative feelings out between my friends so I'm not going overkill on them. This way everyone wins. You get to express yourself and no one is bored or brought down by your problems.

Answer 7

You shouldn't worry about it too much. Be yourself, but try to have fun. Hang around with people that make you feel better about yourself. I have problems too. It just helps to have people to talk to.

Answer 8

no. definitely not. it just that theres something abt everyone that someone else won't like, such as an annoying habit or something. but in your case, if they say that you bring them down, just sounds like you're kind of pessimistic, maybe - and it's certainly not your fault. that doesn't mean you have to be dishonest with yourself just to have friends. it just means that you can try to fix that issue, it pretty much means that you have to change something abt you for someone else to like you.

Answer 9

no, it is not that. you just have to look for a friend who really is willing to help you and is ready to listen to you. coz a true friend is willing to be with you even when you are down-not just when you are hanging out and having fun. always be honest with yourself. you can find a friend. be patient. he'll come.

Answer 10

It's difficult to hear someone complain all the time, Change your outlook, think positive and don't repeat your problems to anyone. They already heard them.