Is this fair?

Question

So me and my husband have been together for five years and we have a 8 month old son. My husband ever since two years ago went out with his buddies to drink and recently he went to the strip club twice. I let him go and I also let him go gambling with his buddies with his friends and drinking, but whenever I want to go out with my sisters he questions me and makes a big deal. What is wrong with him and does anyone think this is fair?

Answer 1

No it's not fair, but honestly, I don't think you should be letting him go to strip clubs, because by looking at these other women at the strip club, he's basically saying that your not enogh for him that he feels he needs to look at other women besides you. YOU should be the ONLY woman he should want to even look at. But I also feel you need to put your foot down and let him know how you feel, about him going out with his friends, and that you need time away from the baby as well, since your taking care of the baby all the time, you need time to yourself as well. Sounds like he needs to realize how hard it is on you with taking care of the baby.

Answer 2

The rules are not the same, even though you would think so. What is good for the goose is not good for the gander. What they are allowed to do is not trustworthy enough for the 'females'. They have no trust because they know what they have and they don't want to loose it. I allow the same things, but oh, no, if I want to do something, then I get the 3rd degree. It's B.S. We try to allow them to have their freedom, but they don't allow us ours. It doesn't change, and if he is this bad now, it will only grow worse over time. The more that you allow him, the more he will take. It will take a sit-down session that is hopefully open-minded enough, with no screaming or yelling, and try to discuss. If yelling occurs, walk away, and let him know that you will discuss it at a later time when he can talk about the situation.
Been there, done this. In 2nd marriage, and don't even know if I will see daylight at the end. Just trust your intuition. If this is bothering you this much, then you must do something about it before the animosity, distrust, and lack of respect become the more prominent issue in you marriage than the marriage itself.

Wish you the best of luck, but don't even think #2 will work out at the rate things are going because of this behavior. It's a repeat, but it's my own fault for falling for the same kind of guy.

You have choices, and even though they are rough, don't stay and be miserable for the sake of your child. Did that, my life has not gotten any better the 2nd time around. Really and truly think things through and then act.

Outside consultation from others you trust can be a hinderance, not a help. Believe me, I know.

Trust yourself, you are the only one in the world that can know what is in your heart, and if it bothering you that much, then act on it, but only when you feel comfortable. Don't wait until you get so angry you may say things that you will regret. But don't get to the point where you can't stand him anymore before you say something, and all that you have left in your heart is resentment.

Best wishes

Answer 3

Well its what we in the business call a double standard isn't it? To be blunt he is saying to you .."hey I can do whatever I want and you don't have to worry ...you can trust my decisions but when it comes to you though its a whole different situation" Did you ever give him reason not to trust you? Probably not so what the deal...Yeah...I would ask him just that ...Whats the deal. I would venture a guess that this different lives we lead in your family goes much further than what you have described. For instance do you still date? Yeah i said it...I know you are married but why don't you still date each other? See this what happens sometimes we get so comfortable with our lives , schedules, kids etc that the marriage isn't healthy any more ...need schedule time for that and if you did I have a funny thing one of two things will happen...he will cut way down on the outings with his buddies or he won't mind you having some fun with your sisters....Good Luck!

Answer 4

I think you are a great wife and maybe if you tried going out together a little more you won't really care as much when you both go out seperately. Going out has alot to do with marriages not taking time for eachother or themselves. So going out more often and with each other the majority of the time can help lower your jealousey levels. And you won't really care about going out without eachother.

Answer 5

No this is unfair to you. You should remind him that he gets to go out with his friends while your at home with your child. Let him know that you would like sometime with your friends or family as well. A relationship must be equal in order to be successful in all ways. Remind him that you have been on your best behavior but your need some "you" time as he sometimes needs his time as well. Good Luck!

Answer 6

It's unfair to you. If he goes to stripclubs and gambling and all that stuff you know it won't be as good. Well --- that's my opinion because that's how my dad is like. My mom did the same thing and now they are in a tough situation. She is in debt and all he does is lay in bed and just do nothing. It isn't fair for you.

Answer 7

r u sure hes not cheating on you..most of the time guys who have a long leash and won't return the favor are out there doing thing they shouldn't be doing and expect that you will do the same.

Answer 8

my husband and I don't give each other "permission" to go with our friends or family; if we want to go, we say hey, I'm going out with my sister tomrrow night" or he says, hey, I'm going out with my buddies Friday night......

Answer 9

of course it not fair. he has not right to get mad at you. he
go out iwth his friends. and you should be able to do the
same.

Answer 10

no and tell him why its not