Husband continues to cheat says he has sex addiction.?

Question

I've been married and faithful to my husband for 9years, recently found out he has been repeatedly cheating on me for about 7years. I thought we had a good sex life! He says it's only sex and they mean nothing to him. I feel like he has made a fall of me and totally disrespected our marriage vows, he says they mean nothing and I'm the only person he loves and ever will. He says if I leave him his life is over. I still love him but he's totally blown me out of the water. Any advice would be great>

Answer 1

I'd suggest a combination of the above answers.

First, you need to get checked for STD's. As does he. I'd also suggest you see an attorney to get their advice on how to protect yourself financially incase this ends in divorce.

Second, counseling, immediately. And as part of the counseling process, I would suggest no sex, and perhaps he even moving into the guest bedroom for the time being. Give the counseling time, as these wounds will not heal overnight.

Third, if he is not willing to work with every demand you make, or keeps missing counseling appointments, then it will be time to call your attorney to file for divorce.

Answer 2

Any man that cheats on his wife or women that cheats on her husband doesn't have any feeling of love for their spouse. You and I both know what love is. It is a firm and solid commitment of honor, trust, love, and faithfulness to the person you want to share the rest of your life with. There is no excuse that you can give that justifies having an affair when you can easily go file for divorce. How long would this have gone on had it still been a secret? You have a loss of trust here and that in my opinion constitutes no other decision to make other than to get rid of him. If he has a sexual addiction, let him deal with it. Regardless of what excuse he has he still made a conscious decision to do it of his own free will. He could have just as easy told you when he had these thoughts that he needed to see the doctor about the problem before he started acting on it seven years ago correct???? Don't give this bum a second thought - he's not worth your time or trouble. Just keep this in mind to put things in perspective - every time he was screwing some other woman and came home to have you to you had every chance to get any STD that they carried. Make sure and get yourself checked immediately!!!

Answer 3

Honey, get into therapy immediately. You are still in the shock stage. Hurt and anger haven't even entered into the picture yet. And after seven years of this and not knowing, there are going to be some pretty tense emotions. He should have came clean about this a long time ago if it was an addiction. Not only has he cheated, but he's repeated lied, put your life at risk for God knows what, and he's completely destroyed any type of trust you may have had. He shouldn't be worried about you leaving and his life being destroyed. That is just a guilt trip he is laying on you. This is no longer about him. this is about you and how you are going to handle, what you need to do for yourself to put yourself back in the right frame of mind. His needs? should be last on anyone's list. He's been getting exactly what he wanted for the last seven years....it is your turn to do what is right for you....no matter how much you love him.

And I'm not saying end it....so please don't get me wrong. I've been cheated on and we are still married, happily at that, but it took work....ALOT of work and mostly from him. You know your husband best. You are going to be the one to decide if he's capable of change and how much he really does or doesn't love and respect you. I know it's going to be hard, but please, before you start blaming yourself (I did that), get into some type of counseling to help you work through this. I'm a social worker and everything I knew flew right out the window when it came to trying to work through it on my own. It took us two years of therapy before I came to terms with everything and was able to put it behind me, and he only cheated once. You are in a completely different league. Even though the hurt is the same, the situation is totally different. Your husband has a problem and just like any other addiction, this is real....and it can be cured, or helped.

I wish you my best.

Answer 4

If you can find out the woman that he is having the affair with you can sue her for alienation of affection.In Colonial America a woman who caught her husband cheating could go before the magistrate and sue the woman for this(usually the women could not divorce the husband but these are one of the few ways they could)It can be for any amount that you want(you may not get money but you can have the woman's wages garinshed for the rest of her natural life prevent her from owning or selling any real property and any kind of college aid for her childern the bigger the amount the better)Dateline NBC news did a story on this 8 to 10 years ago and the wife of the man won he may try and stop you but it can be done also the US forestry service had 2 game wardens(male and female)posed as a married couple in NC some years ago and the wardens fell in love and the man's wife sued the forestry comission for 1.3 million dollars and won hope this helps oh the law that I told you about was written in colonial america(before revolution) get checked for STD too

Answer 5

Actually at this point it doesn't really matter what HE wants.His life will be over if you leave him? Thats a totally messed up thing to say to someone considering the fact thats he's been busy behind your back.What do you hope to get out of staying with someone like this? if he has a true sexual addiction that can only be treated with professional help.He can't "fix it" on his own.
Meanwhile depending on your financial situation think about what you next move should be and how'll you'll support yourself if the relationship ends.Seriously, his feelings really don't mean anything after doing what he's done.Believe me he'll survive because thats what people like that do. They're good at at using other people to get what they want. Aren't you worth more than that? Don't you deserve more than that kind of garbage from a man?????

Answer 6

Your husband does have a sexual addiction, and it's something that needs to be addressed if there is ANY chance of saving your marriage.

But him saying that the sex with other women means nothing, he's lying, because by him having sex with another woman is telling you that your not good enough for him.

I think you both need to get into marriage counceling BIG TIME!!! If there is any chance to salvage your marriage, go to marriage counceling.

Answer 7

That is an iffy situation. Men do have tendencies that involve liking sex. I think he went about it in the wrong ways though.

First he was keeping it from you for 7 years. Second, his conscience wasn't eating him alive.

The way I look at this situation is that he could have (7 years ago, before it started), talked to you saying that his sexual desires were not being fulfilled, because they weren't if he was going around cheating (one would assume).

I would suggest going to marriage counseling as well. I would not take this lightly. I wish you the best of luck. Remember this is just my opinion!

Answer 8

OK well then, as for you staying with him that's your decision. I will however say, go to yahoo and search sex addiction there are 100's of sites out there that will explain and give you questionairs that will rate your level of addiction or if you have a problem. NOTE: if your husband has any type of depression already noted by a doctor you need to expect that he may truly have an addiction. Many manic depressives and or bi-polars believe they are addicted to sex and some are. IN fact most antidepresants repress sexual instinct. Doctors will perscribe accordingly.

Get checked by ob/gyn and look this up and you will be able to make your decision.

Answer 9

I feel sad for you because you have to go through with his lies. it's okay to love a man that you marry, but if he told you that its only sex, he doesn't need to commit adultery. He cant be addicted to sex, cause if he is you will see a porn video that he watch every single day. second thing is he will do it with you,a few times a day.
All his doing now that he got caught is use lots of lies that he can think of, and because he knows that you love him, he thinks that you will understand and forgive him. He already made you look foolish, and if you support his lies about being addicted to sex he will ruin you big time and it will make you bitter. Follow your heart but use your head this time. Always know that a cheater will always be a cheater. This will be up to you..............be strong............

Answer 10

Wow, men have such a way of trying to make light of the things they do. So he says he has a sex addiction...if so, he's using it as an excuse. There is no viable excuse for cheating on someone you love. Then he guilts you..."He says if I leave him his life is over." He will live. You deserve to be treated with the greatest respect. He's selfish, a liar, a cheater and a manipulator. If you stay you aren't respecting yourself. I hope that put it into perspective for you.