How often do you as the husband or wife do things on your own or with friends. When me and my husband first got together, we pretty much lived and breathed only each other. Now, after three years, he wants to do things on his own and with friends when I am home and I am having a hard time with it. In my head I know it's normal, but I just need to hear it from other people.
2007-03-11 16:42:32 · 25 answers · asked by Nikki W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Very Normal in a relationship. Usually after the 3rd or 4th year a couple comes out of the puppydog phase and wants to do things on their own. Make sure you get to do things for yourself and go out with your friends. Just be sure that you and he are respecting each other. Most often one wants more freedom than the other or one was ready for it and the other not. But yes your ok and he's not wrong yet or at least not form the info you have given.
Remember that you are two people, whole people not half's making one. No one ever added 1+1 and come up with 1
Once a wek we each get our time usually 6-8 hrs depending on what we are doing.
2007-03-11 16:48:02 · answer #1 · answered by D B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have been married for 9 months. We spend most of our spare time together because we enjoy our time together. We email each other a few time throughout the work day. I love him and I love hanging out with him. He makes me laugh, we have a ton of fun together and I enjoy every bit of our time together, even when we are doing nothing. But you also have to have some time apart just to do things on your own. There is nothing wrong with that. Just remember that you married an individual who has his own interests just as I am sure you have yours. You can't spend time together 24-7 - you'll end up suffocating each other. There has to be some breathing room on occasion. It is very normal. Occasionally my husband likes to catch a football or basketball game with his best friend. I usually won't see him until sometime late that evening. Sometimes they like to go play golf. I take those times to enjoy some time to myself just doing girly things or I go hang out with my friends.Once or twice a week I take a bellydance class. I dance with a student troupe. It is something I enjoyed doing before I had even met him and something I still enjoy doing. He is my biggest fan. During my times at class he has some quiet time to work on the book he has always wanted to write, or play video games or work the crossword puzzle or whatever else he may want to do that he finds relaxing. He understands that I sometimes need my time alone just as I understand that he sometimes needs his. If your husband is spending ALL of his free time at his buddy's house and neglecting you and your relationship, then you have cause to worry. But if it only a once a week or once in a while thing and he is a good and caring husband, then let him enjoy his guy time. Do yourself a favor and take that time to do something for you. Go get a manicure or a massage. If there were ever a class you wanted to take or a hobby you take up, then thats the time to do it. Grab your girlfriends and go to the movies or out for dinner and a couple of drinks somewhere. Take this time to find things to do that you find fulfilling and fun. There is no reason you have to just sit home. Having common interests help keep you together and having separate interests keeps you fresh and interesting.
2007-03-12 00:17:11 · answer #2 · answered by Marijane K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We mainly do things together. Here and there we do things with our friends without each other. We have 4 kids so alone time if far and few between. We do not ever go out to a bar without each other. It is something we agreed upon when we first met. And that one is easy because we only go out to a bar maybe once a year or so with friends.
Good luck!
2007-03-11 23:52:02 · answer #3 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very normal. Sounds like your husband has outside interests and you don't. Find a hobby, meet some ladies, join something that is fun and/or interesting. You'll find your relationship will improve because you'll look forward to being together after being apart for a while. The saying, "distance makes the heart grow fonder" is true....as long as you are not gone too long or too far, too long. Good luck!
2007-03-12 00:07:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the biggest factors in unhappy marriages is boredom.
Both partners should have free time to spend with their friends, it breathes life and spark into what could become a stagnant marriage. My husband plays cards with his friends and on Fri. nights goes to his favorite bar where he has a few beers and shoots pool with his buddies. I go out to lunch and mall shopping for the afternoon or to a movie with my friends. My husband has gone out of state with the guys to attend major league football games and I have gone on vacation with my best friend and our children. We have been married 12 years and still love and trust one another completely. Cut the apron strings and give ur husband some space and you do the same, I hope u haven`t given up all ur friends after marriage for that also would have been a mistake. Relax, there is life after marriage, u don`t meld into one, there r 2 of you with individual interests.
2007-03-12 00:32:49 · answer #5 · answered by flamingo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and i mostly do things together as a couple as we are one ane we love being together alot... I do go out with my sister at times here and there. Sometimes i go to womens things at our church. Sometimes you just have to let the other person breathe and just have a nice time. Good luck to you. He will be much happier and you can always have a friend or a sister or someone like that to go out with at times like shopping and things.
2007-03-11 23:51:58 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From a human nature point of view, we're always clingy to each other in the beginning, but then we slowly need the attachment and company of friends because our significant other. It's normal, as long as it doesn't go from 90% with you, to just 25% with you.
With that said, my wife and I have been married seven years now and we're still going out together on weekends and doing things together. I wouldn't say I don't have friends, I do have friends, but we're not "hang out" kind of friends.
Anyway, normal, as long as there's still "you time" in there.
Best.
2007-03-11 23:50:55 · answer #7 · answered by DarthFangNutts 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just this past Friday night my husband went over to friends house to play video games and watch movies. I stayed home and soaked in a bubble bath and read a trashy romance novel.
It is normal to want some "ME" time. Use that time constructively.
2007-03-11 23:49:29 · answer #8 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's only normal if it doesn't bother you and it sounds as though it is. The friends I have I see when I go to work and when I'm at home I am with my family though occasionally we do things with friends and family but we are together. I know I have friends that go there separate ways from there wives and I personally think they do it because they don't like being with there wives.
2007-03-12 00:07:00 · answer #9 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
With my husband it was the opposite - we started out doing a lot of things seperatley, which didn't work out well for our relationship. Then as time went on we started doing things together, which has been great.
2007-03-12 00:23:15 · answer #10 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋