Where's the love?

Question

My daughter has been exclusively breastfed now for 10 weeks (hopefully many more ahead!), and I'm not getting much family or friend support. My family thinks its weird that I want to keep breastfeeding, rather than just give up and give her formula. In fact, I have one cousin that lectures me about it constantly, saying my daughter needs supplements. (my daughter was a preemie and is gaining weight slowly vs. her 5 month old 30 pound son. Yes, it's true.)

Then last night, I was on the phone with a pregnant friend of mine, and she said that she was going to breast feed, but she thinks that I'm too tied down with my child so she's going to change her mind. I Don't feel tied down at all! I love what I'm doing for my daughter.

So, I guess my question is this...has anyone else been given a hard time over decision to breastfeed, or decisions period for baby? How do you get past it without turning into a lunatic and screaming at everyone? :)

By the way...to all moms who have big babies, I wasn't trying to slam them! My cousin's son was born weighing 7 lbs, so he wasn't very big at birth at all. He's just very overfed.

Answer 1

First off, You know what you're doin...and you're doing right by your baby. That's what's most important.

And as far as unsolicited parental advice...I think we have to just brace ourselves for a lifetime of it...

People are always willing to through in their "two cents" ...

My mom acts like breastfeeding is such a chore and she constantly is saying "Wow, I can't believe you're putting yourself throught that...it seems like so much work" ...blah blah blah...

She was part of the generation that didn't get any support for breast feeding, it was all about formula...so it's only normal for her to feel like it's a chore that isn't worth the trouble...cause that's what "they" told her...and she bought it.

I don't feel tied down at all either...if anything ...I think it's liberating...no "oh crap we ran out of formula" for us...lol

And so much easier at night than going downstairs all bleary eyed, tripping over the dog to find my way to the kitchen in the dark to warm a bottle of formula...forget that...lol...just whip em out.

I think the only way to survive the constant direction we will always be given by parents before us...is to just grin and then pick and choose...

I'm sure there are some pearls of wisdom that can be sifted out of the barrage of advice that is thrown at new moms...but the rest of it...in one ear and out the other...

Or if you're in a spicy mood...just inform your well to do advisor, that you've done your research and you already have a plan in motion that is best suited for the welfare of YOUR child, thanks anyway.

By the way ...just so you have a handy come back...premies more than anybody, need their mothers antibodies and they benefit more than any other baby from breastfeeding.

And if worst comes to worst...

These people should know what they're getting into...harassing sleep deprived moms...still hormonal cause we're breastfeeding???

That's like poking a stick at a very dangerous animal...

Every now and then...it's ok to turn into a lunatic and scream at everyone...lol

Answer 2

Let me say first what a wonderful thing you are doing for your daughter and not giving up. Breastfeeding is one of the best things you can do for your child. Preemies especially need it because they are more prone to getting RSV and other childhood illnesses. I breastfed my son for 3 weeks but he was rapidly losing weight. My family kept telling me that I needed to give him formula and that I was starving my baby. I started supplementing but after he had the formula, he did not want me anymore. I felt like such a failure. I told myself I was never going to give my son formula but atleast he his gaining weight now. But as long as your daughter is gaining then I would not worry. All babies are different and some are just smaller than others and preemies are almost always smaller cause they have some catching up to do. Don't base everything on what your friends and family say. If you need support, try joining an online breastfeeding group. I hope everything works out for you!!

Answer 3

That is awful that no one supports you. I just pretend like formula doesn't exist! You don't have to supplement because you milk changes according to the babys needs. If your friend doesn't want to breastfeed then that is her decision, you are doing what is best for your baby and you dont have to worry about her being overweight or not getting the proper nutrients. The bond is so much greater between mom and baby when you breastfeed too. Who cares if you are too tied down to the baby?? You had the baby to love and care for right??? Some people can be really weird about it but I just let it go.

Answer 4

For some weird reason there are many people who feel they are "experts" on parenting. I had people telling me how to take care of a sick baby even though I am a pediatric nurse! Having a child means that many people will give you advice! Often you will get conflicting advice from different people.

You are the one responsible for your little girl. You are doing a good thing for your daughter. So next time people comment smile and then forget whatever they have said.

p.s. While a baby is exclusively breastfed she will need vitamin D. She does not need supplements.

Answer 5

OK let me clarify something. I had alot of complications with my daughter and never got to breastfeed. I would have killed for a chance to breastfeed her. She is 19 months old now, healthy and smart as can be. But if you breastfeed, it is SOOO much better for them. YOU ARE DOING WHAT IT BEST FOR HER AND THAT IS ALL YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT!! Now, for the people in your life who think it is weird are actually weird themselves. What you need to tell them is that she is yours, you will make the decisions, you are doing what is best, and ask them to please not say anything unless it is something positive. That is why God made breasts. Yes, breastfeeding restricts you a little bit, but that is what pumps are for. If your friend changes her mind because of that, then she is crazy. There are SOOO many benefits in to breastfeeding. You are spending EXTREMELY close and valuable time with her at a crucial age. (Believe me, once they can crawl, you are going to miss that time!!) And no supplements that I know of are needed. She is getting everything she needs from you and that must feel very very rewarding. Breastfeeding also causes you to lose baby weight faster, and puts you at less risk for breast cancer. That is a very good thing. It comes down to this... She is yours, and you make your own decisions for you and her. Maternal instinct is ALWAYS best!! Good luck!! And congratulations!!

Answer 6

I bottle feed but that's my choice as breastfeeding is yours tell all these people to back off. You know what you are doing is best for your child. being that your baby was a preemie especially you are doing her a world of good by breastfeeding. Every baby is different and gains weight their own way my son was a 7lb baby and gained weight slower than his two sisters who only weighed 6lbs they baby is now 4 mts old and weighs 15. As i'm sure you know by now people are going to give you advice normally unwanted advice your job as a mother is to become deaf to all this "well meaning" individual's. Use your instints and the heck with what everyone else advises you to do

Answer 7

I'm breastfeeding my son. He was born a month early and he was tiny. I had a hard time at first because he just wouldn't nurse. I asked the nurses at the hospital not to give him any formula, but he started to get dehydrated.... I almost gave up, but something inside me told me to hang in there.

My second night at the hospital was about nothing else, but trying to pump as much colostrum/milk as possible, putting it in a little rubber cup and trying to feed it to my little one.

Well, it was worth it!!!! My son is almost 4 months now, still on breastmilk and I couldn't be happier. He is gaining weight normally and he grew to be a strong, healthy and happy baby.
As far as supplements go.... breasmilk is the best thing your daughter can get.

You can pump your milk and add 0.5ml of Enfamil Poly-Vi-Sol daily - my doc recommended this - as a vitamin D supplement (he was a winter baby - no sunshine = natural vitamin D). But there's no better food for baby than breastmilk it has all the supplements your baby needs. Just ask any expert.
Don't give up and please don't listen to your family if they don't support you in your decision to breastfeed. Best of luck to you :)

Answer 8

I would not worry about what any one else says,you are doing the best for your baby,your baby,your choice.Your baby will get all the nutrients it needs from your breast milk.I would have loved to breast fed but unfortunately I could not due to my daughter having a serious medical condition which hospitalized her for the first 3 weeks of her life and has never had the strength to breast feed so I pump my milk.As I said it is your choice and never let other peoples opinions sway yours.You are doing everything perfectly!good on you mom!!!

Answer 9

i had this problem i breastfed my son till he was 15 months and first i got why are you doing it then at 6 months i got when are you gonna stop and i would say not till a yr why would i stop be both enjoy it then when a yr came and went i got are you still gonna be breastfeeding him when he goes to school and the only reason i stopped was because i got pregnant with my second :D yayaya

anyways i couldn;t believe the grief i was getting from people for giving my son the best start i could but what i relized was it was my friends who weren't breastfed and the mothers who couldn't breastfeed mostly also i am the first out of my group of close friends to have a baby and they all have also decided that they are not even gonna attempt to breastfed after seeing how tied down i was they would also make me feel guilty for always wanting to bring my son out to lunch or whatever when he was exclusivly breastfed i didn't relize that this wasn;t normal for people to look down on people breastfeeding till i came online and relized that it was the other way for most or the rest of the world lol

just ignore the lectures why would you want to give up something that is going to make your baby healthier and smarter just bc they maybe jealous or can't imagine themselves doing it its completly ridiculas for them to force their beliefs on you i actually don't really talk to any of them anymore bc they also thought that children need to be in daycare right away where i love staying home with my son they would constantly bother me about going back to work and babying my son and other things i didn't agree with although its different if its family

next time they want to say something about you breastfeeding stick up for yourself with facts from this website http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/breastfeeding/formula-profit.html

its awesome and it even has a fact about how 1.5 million chilren around the world die from formula

good luck and remember mother knows best

Answer 10

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