How do I approach this VERY touchy martial issue as I prepare for this divorce? (Read on)?

Question

My 33 year old husband of 11 years has treated me terribly with his drunkeness, perversion, mental and physical abuse and his repeat affairs that were NOT that of 1 night stands - but he is hot - so he has EVERYONE fooled...
I'm hot too, but have been a sahm. I cook, sew, write, study, pta mom, etc, we have 3 girls, 2, 6 and 10...He left a week ago 4 a woman his boss hooked him up with. Last week they took the kids to the new girls ex-husband's wedding, this weekend they are camping as a family with my 3 girls and her 2. My husband just left... I am expected to understand this. I went to work right away in an office, he is giving me money, but this new woman is heavily involved. I have NOT met her. Today my younger sister who is now 22 told me that 10 years ago, he touched her. I have another sister I can't get ahold of. He tried kissing her when she was 12 & he was drunk.
He has since stopped drinking.
But my KIDS have been with them for 3 days, b/c he is seeing his kids.

He has everyone thinking I am just paranoid & a bad wife or rather all his new friends...
I have 2 weeks to go b4 I get my paycheck and can file for divorce, but in the mean time isn't there anything I can do without being called names?
He also has a record. Domestic Violence from 3 years ago. Plus more.
He never did family things with us, and I keep myself up ALWAYS. I am start and am on the right pathway out but this is eating me up. How do I approach him about my sister? He will dismiss it as a "dillusion"
I am really beat down by this man who neglected me in every way possible, for years and it only got worse...

He has everyone thinking I am just paranoid & a bad wife or rather all his new friends...
I have 2 weeks to go b4 I get my paycheck and can file for divorce, but in the mean time isn't there anything I can do without being called names?
He also has a record. Domestic Violence from 3 years ago. Plus more.
He never did family things with us, and I keep myself up ALWAYS. I am start and am on the right pathway out but this is eating me up. How do I approach him about my sister? He will dismiss it as a "dillusion"
I am really beat down by this man who neglected me in every way possible, for years and it only got worse...

Answer 1

Tell your attorney everything you have told us FAST

Answer 2

Get a good attorney and file for divorce... Do not go back to your husband or give him anothe rchange... They will find out how he really is soon enough and there is nothing you can do about it. You need to turn him into the police for what he has done to these girls in the past as he still may be doing this or capable of doing it.... Divorce him and do not look back and move on with your life and be happy. Also tell your lawyer every thing you have told us and see what advice they give you and what you can get him for in court... Good luck. I would be very careful about him seeing the kids too until some of this stuff is worked out. I feel tha tthe visits with the kids should be supervised at least for the time being.

Answer 3

You need to seek a lawyer, tell him everything, yes even about your sister. Your X has a real problem. You don't want him around your children and I would seek legal advice about that. If all possible, I would move out of that area and start a new life with your children.
You can't only think of yourself, you have three children and they are the ones that will suffer emotionally from all of this. Get support from your parents and other family members. Also, if you attend a church seek spiritual guidance. You also probably need counseling since all the mental and physical abuse along with your children.
Also, let your children know how much you love them and none of this is their fault.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

I know this is eating you up but the less you say to him the better. Keep him guessing for a while. If your quiet when he`s around then he`ll start wondering what`s going on. Tell him that your best interest is the children and you have nothing to say to him at all. Don`t let him continue to control you! He`s gone and you may not see it now but your better off. Just remember your intrest is the kids and from experience always say our children. I said my kids in front of a judge one time and the judge chewed me out and said they are your husbands kids also and the sooner I learn that the better off you`ll be. Just hang in there and remain strong and don`t let him see that it gets to you and don`t hold too many conversations with him other than about your kids.

Answer 5

1) File for divorce ASAP..........make sure you get an order to show cause........one which will give you primary placement of your daughters.
2) When you file for your divorce, make SURE you print out and bring the papers showing he was charged with assault. Bring them with you EVERY time you go see someone concerning the divorce. In many places, if one of the the parties has ANY domestic violence against them, that will sway the court into giving you primary placement of the children, and if he was violent enough, they might even make him have only supervised visitation...........at least long enough to make sure he isn't drinking when he has them.
3) Don't worry about seeming like a b****. You have 3 little girls to protect. Get ahold of a therapist and let her know about what happened between him and your sisters. If she thinks its warranted.....she MAY contact a social worker and further curtail his visitation.
YOU are the only one at this point who can make sure your girls are safe!

Answer 6

What is it that you want to do? Just divorce him and get him out of your life. Your kids are young and probably love him very much. Don't make him into a monster to satisfy yourself, you will end up hurting your kids. Most states have no fault divorces so what you say doesn't matter anyway. Sounds like you're better off without him, so just get it over with and go on with your life. I know it's easier said then done, I've been there. Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

you have some large solutions by way of Sensei Scandal, Pugpaw, SiFu Frank and Stillcrazy. some different did properly too. i'm no longer able to point the names of the others. i'm undecided why some even problem to respond. i assume it is going decrease back the Sensei Scandal question. when you consider that there are lots of of large answer i will save my comments short. Martial Arts - Like Possum stated it replaced into designed for war or for the duration of the time of martial regulation. Self protection is roofed in it. Self protection - this could be a term that individuals use to define some thing such as a crash direction on martial arts. you do no longer learn the whole curriculum you learn some concepts on a thank you to flee if attacked or grabbed. commonly this could be a sort for women human beings and or infants. some use this as a thank you to industry the genuine training. the pupil could desire to understand that the education that they have got is adequate and that they could desire to renowned greater and that they choose greater practice. regrettably there are people who leave a self protection type and have faith that they are geared up to safeguard themselves if needed. Martial sport - that's no longer a term. in certainty that's in basic terms a sport. it is not budo. This a sport or contest wherein the athletes use a limited quantity of concepts with the intention to win a opposition or to construct their ego. It has regulations and a referee. Can a form be greater? interior of martial arts it is going to contain self protection. yet there is plenty greater repetition and education than is a undemanding self protection type. you will nice some concepts taken from martial artwork interior the sport, yet you lose the motive of the education. activities motive is to win a trophy, medal, or contest and build your ego. Martial arts the motive is to outlive by way of any recommend needed. Self protection type is to with any luck survive and sell your genuine martial arts type(recruitment). that's in basic terms a pattern of the artwork.

Answer 8

You are being called paranoid. You are worried about your kids being around his new girlfriend and her kids. You are worried about being called names. And you want a confrontation about your sisters.

What you are wanting is for him to pay and pay bigtime, ask for forgiveness, admit to the attempts with your sisters, keep your kids out of his new life, and make every believe that you are not crazy and quit caaling you bad names.

I'm sorry, but to get over this you need to quit trying to make this an emotional and moral issue and treat it as what it now is. It is a legal issue that you need to move through as fast as possible and quit trying to get him to admit fault in all of this. He isn't going to argue with you, he isn't going to admit fault, and he isn't going to give you the satisfaction of admitting to anything in the past. He has already decided to move on with the new girlfriend, divorce you, and include his kids in his new life. He is showing no regret or concern for what he has done and probably never will. Look at him for what he is - a lowlife scumbag that will someday get what he deserves. You made a mistake and now learn from it. Be cautious in providing intimacy to anyone until they have proven they are genuinely a good and decent man. Remember that giving yourself physically to someone should be considered a precious gift and only to someone that cares about you as a person first not a sexual object.

Answer 9

wow. sounds like my ex. first off, i am proud of your strength and the way you have put up with him for so long. i lasted only 5 yrs.
It just seems to me that with him treating you so badly all of these yrs. that you shouldn't be surprised at anything he will or has done. i wouldn't give him the benefit of letting him know that you are upset about your sister.
If there has been a history of family violence in the marriage, then just keep your cool about all of his sins at least until a few years go by. All of the experts say that right at a break-up, it can be very dangerous for the soon to be ex. good luck and stay strong for yourself and your kids.

Answer 10

I have absolutely no respect for drunks, they get what they deserve. Being drunk is no excuse for being a pedophile and tell him in private that you are telling everyone you know, that he knows and whomever you think might be concerned. He can deny it all he wants to anyone and everyone, but the stigma will still be there, when he starts to deny it, though you haven't really said anything to anyone. He will be the one acting paranoid, and getting himself under investigation. Revenge is good, don't, under any circumstances let him get away with it.

Answer 11

well for one thing it might be a good idea for you to go get a order of protection for you and the kids. He is only doing the parent thing to impress the new girlfriend and all my ex has been doing the samething. You just need to sit down with your sister and ask her to tell you what he might of done to her. It doesnt matter if he was drinking or not it is not right for him to have touched her.