How to come out?

Question

I'm almost 35, and just started (6 months ago) my first relationship with a woman. It's going well, but my girlfriend is out... and I am not. I'm not even sure what to come out AS! My friends and family are pretty open minded, so I think a lot of people will be supportive, but I know there will be a lot of nosey questions. How do you deal with stuff like that? What do I say, especially since I have no labels picked out... i'm in love with another woman, and that's as far as I've been able to think. All help appreciated. Thanks ~Pom

Answer 1

Privacy is near and dear to my heart. Honestly - it is none of their business what you do. If you love this woman and would like to share your relationship with your family, then gently tell them you are seeing a woman.

If they decide to ask personal questions - "what caused you to be gay/bi?" etc just tell them, as respectfully as possible that it is none of their concern. It may sound harsh - but it isn't there concern.

My husband and I are an interfaith marriage. We had a church all up in our business - telling him not marry me, telling me I was going to lead him into spiritual darkness and that he was sinning by being with me. And that I would have to give up my beliefs to be with him. We told them it was none of their business - we didn't ask for help and we don't want it.

Remember - you always have control about what information gets out there. Be prepared for the news of your relationship to spread like wild fire. People like to talk, especially about something controversal.

But no one has to know what you don't want them to know. Don't feel compelled to answer questions. Especially since it sounds like you are still working things out.

And never forget to be respectful and gentle when turning down someone's lust for gossip. Your kindness will get your a lot farther then being nasty, hostile or angry. If you react negatively to their prodding - they will think you have something to hide. Or even worse - that you are ashamed. That may make them even more determined to become more involved in your life.

If you react positively chances are they won't think there's anything juicy.

Answer 2

Do you think the relationship requires a label? You are with a person who you love dearly, for now, that person happens to be a female. If questions are asked, you can simply say - we are taking it one day at a time. It's your first same-sex relationship. You won't have answers for every question which is asked.

Answer 3

The right time would be when you are ready to let your friends and family know! Prepare yourself for all of the questions...remember that you don't have to answer all of them because they tend get very personal. How do you know that they don't already know? You'd be surprised!! Good Luck and I'm happy you are in love!

Answer 4

Relationships don't necessarily require labels. "I'm in love with another woman" will probably do for family members and friends. Every time someone has come out to me, it's been "I'm in love with ."

Answer 5

I think you just DO IT. At 35, and with such good people...
You just tell them, I am dating someone, and she's a woman.
It will be a learning time for everyone, but I think you will be surprised how much of a non-issue this is with good people, and how well it helps to get rid of not-so-good people.

Answer 6

Good for you. I hope you two have all the happiness in the world. You are at the time in your life where you can do what you want with who you want. Just do not worry about anyone else as long as you don't hurt them with needful hate.
but go ahead and love who you want.

Answer 7

Wow... I don't think I have any advice to offer... seems like you know yourself well. Just wanted to wish you best of luck. And to comment... we have the same nickname!