hi all , please can you give me advise, i was in a lovless relationship for 13 years?

Question

the only good thing to come out of this was my 11 year old son , the relationship broke down and i met my now husband of 18 months who i love with all my heart my ex didnt make life easy at the begining in fact he did all he could to make life as difficult as possible to the point of me having a warrent out for his arrest for harasment which i dropped through my husband coming to an arrangment with the ex with seeing his son . my son loves his dad and his dad worships him a relationship which i never want to destroy ,the problem is my husband is very insecure and hates any form of contact between us which is only verbal he acts like a spoilt child not getting his own way and it creates arguments ,i have tryed talking and doing it his way but he moves the post all the time what was exceptable one time is not exceptable the next my ex has moved on and so have i how do i tell him that a certain amount of contact is needed for my sons sake have tryed but it falls on deaf ears

Answer 1

B firm & clear with ur husband & ur ex about what u want & how things need 2 b 4 ur sons sake.U can only explain 2 & reassure ur husband about the contact situation.Its ur son thats seeing his dad not u.Would ur husband go 2 marriage guidance counceling?That might help.If u keep the contact down 2 the minimum required by necessity with ur ex ur husband should start adjusting 2 the situation as ur doing nothing wrong.Its best 2 deal with problems in a marriage as soon as possible.Tell ur husband u wont b manipulated by him in2 doing the wrong thing by ur son.Ur son needs 2 c his dad & ur husband must accept ur role in this.As u say,u wont accept this behaviour in ur relationships anymore.Stick 2 ur guns & do what you know is right 4 u & ur son.Hopefully ur husband will come round but if not you deserve 2 b treat with respect by those who say they love you & that means ur husband being more secure & not complaining about the contact you hav with ur ex.B firm.B strong.Good luck,hope it works out.If u could get him 2 go 4 counselking it would probly help.

Answer 2

I think the reason your husband is so insecure is probably because he knows that u've been with your ex for 13 years as compared to 18mths with him..Maybe he's jus afraid that by having contact between u 2, feelings may come back and things might change. It's quite normal for him to feel that way though, especially becuz u and your ex share a long history together, 13 years together is alot,not to mention u 2 have a son...Anyways,all u can really do is just try to re-assure your husband that u love him alot and re-assure him the chapter with your ex has been closed and there's no intention of ever going back. Let him know that the only reason your still in contact with your ex is for the sake of your son.. I'm sure your husband is jus trying to be a good husband and he's jus a little worried because he loves u alot..Keep talking to him and give it some time,eventually I bet he'll come around... Goodluck

Answer 3

I suspect there are more issues here than you are saying since you say he won't allow verbal contact only and that leads to arguments and him acting like a spoiled child...you can't argue with him or see what he acts like unless you are talking to some extent.

You could try calling him at a time you think he will be most able to talk to you.
Then make sure you stick to the issues you want to discuss about your son only...and not react to him calling you names or trying to argue...refuse to get off topic and react to him saying you are causing problems or other unrelated things.
Try sending him letters, mail and email, so you have a chance to keep from bringing your emotions into it and keeping your message only about your son. If he is willing to read them this could work out to be the best way to communicate for many things....as well as giving you some evidence for the future if he tries to change custody arrangements.
And make sure your son knows what the rules are for living with you, so when he goes to see his father and comes back telling you all the things he was able to do that you wouldn't want him to do...he already knows that isn't acceptable and he can't persuade you to change that simply because your ex allows it. Your son will more than likely try this soon. The more issues you can settle and keep from becoming a conflict the better....then you just have to decide when something is so important you don't want your son doing it at all, knowing your ex will probably not agree on principle the idea was yours.

Answer 4

Explain to him the importance of your son, and that he comes first before anybody. That also means you have to have contact with your ex, he is your sons father after all, and for your sons sake is very important that relationship is as good as it can get. Don't argue with him, just tell him how it is. Don't pander to what he wants, do what you must whatever he stays. Stick to your guns, be more stubborn than he is, eventually he will have to accept the situation. Plan B would be to speak to someone close to him (family) who will be able to make him see sense. Persevere

Answer 5

just talk to him about it. Let him see that you only want whats in the best interest for your son. maybe have your son talk to him about whats important to him. Tell your husband that he needs to stop being insecure.

Answer 6

regrettably the worldwide isn't common. in case you have been 17 and he 21 then maximum folk would not think of two times. regrettably you're merely 13 and it will reason some people to remark negatively. i be attentive to maximum mom and dad could pass loopy in this occasion. you ought to be attentive to that in case you have intercourse once you're sixteen and he's 20 then in case you get caught he will pass to detention center and be a registered intercourse criminal for something of his life. in spite of in case you have no longer have been given finished intercourse, he can nonetheless be charged for captivating in sexual habit (touching and so on)To be criminal you will ought to attend till you're 18. to respond to your question you're no longer technically doing something incorrect yet assume issues to worsen for you interior the subsequent 5 years. What you're presently doing merely isn't unlawful as long as you reside removed from intercourse.

Answer 7

see it from his point of view. You were unloved, harrassed & unhappy. He took over to save you from that. He is trying to protect you.
From your point of view, he is being over-protective, over-zealous...
so you just both need some middle-ground.
You need to convince him you feel nothing for your ex, that old problems are done & dusted (thanks to your new man!)
& that it is your son who now has the relationship, not you- you are only keeping a watchful eye, to help your son...

Answer 8

my heart go.s out to you.i too have been in a loveless marriage; for many year.s.reguardless or what i say or do.the only thing i have learn ed is. you can not change people.keep your chin up. and just live for your son. good luck.

Answer 9

Tell him to act like a mature adult and have a talk about your problems.

Answer 10

couples thearphy, counseling.