My wife left a good man and father and I can't imagine the idiot she is with now is better than me. Just need a little "good news" shes been on the other side for 4 months now and I have our two small boys.
2007-03-11 13:52:32 · 16 answers · asked by The best I can do 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My hat is off to you , Sir! You're both a gentleman, and a scholar! Raise your two boys to be the kind of Dad, their Dad is! The world needs more like you!!
2007-03-11 14:15:21 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well the same thing happened to me about a year ago. The only different part is that I have 4 boys that I was left to raise. The first thing I would suggest is to breath. Get through the days one day at a time. I don't know the ages of your kids, but get them on a routine. The sooner you do this, the more "normal" things will be for them. Next, get either a paralegal (if niether one of you will agree not to fight about anything) to draw up divorce papers. On those papers, you will need to come up with a figure for child support. I don't know what state you are in, but most courts will side with the more "stable" parent. If she does not work, she will have to work in order to pay. That is not your problem. That is her problem (you are going to have to start saying that a lot). If she wants of fight you on anything pertaining to a divorce, you will have to get an attorney. That will cost you, but it is worth it.
Typically, these affairs will run their course in 7-8 months, but keep the divorce going. If you 2 reconcile, you can always get married again. But not without some counseling. I tend to disagree with the statements that if they do it once, they will do it again. From what I have read, there are more couples who have a stronget marriage after this than they ever had. But getting back together will be up to YOU.....not her.
Good luck
2007-03-11 14:28:51 · answer #2 · answered by Gary M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have any first hand experience to help you with this, but I've seen it happen before, and the part that I totally do not get is the part where they leave their kids as well as the hubby. NO MAN is more important than my kids, NO LOVE LIFE is more important, period. Which means she's selfish, there is no explanation that makes sense...he's not better than you in any way, in fact, he's just as selfish and self centered. Even if the two of you were having trouble, the fact that she's content to let you have the boys while she pursues her love life, in my opinion shows her true colors, and while I feel sorry for you, it's the boys that I really feel badly for. You continue to be a good father, and try to get the women in your family involved in your sons daily lives to show them what a REAL woman is all about. The question is, why would you want her back? Good Luck.
2007-03-11 14:00:53 · answer #3 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm not a woman but I have been through the samething .
My ex left me for another man she had been seeing for almost two years.We were divorced in Feburay 2001 and she was pregnant in July 2001. My kids (girls) wanted to live with me because they didn't want to be around their mother and see how she had changed.My oldest was 14 and the youngest was 12 at the time. My ex went balistic when they chose to stay with me,she thought that they would go with her and live in this fancy home she was now living in. I don't know if he is unhappy now but for a few years she was very sad and confused because of the way things went down.She walked out on me and the kids, took most of my savings account before she left and left me with a bunch of un paid bills that were late. I managed to make it without loosing anything or going bankrupt. She made contact on a few occasions to ask how things were going and if I ever thought about us. I would always respond "no I dont ever have time to think about us ,my time is spent thinking about the kids and me". She realized that what she had and what she walked away from were no comparision.She now has a neat little boy that comes over with my kids often and stays most of the day.He and I get along just fine.I think he enjoys comming over and staying because he knows that I will take time with him and play ball or ride the four wheeler with him.This is something his parents don't take time to do.My kids are old enough now to look back and see what happened and both of them agree that she made a very bad choice.They tell me often she has finacial trouble and they fuss alot.We on the other hand had some rough times but we managed to keep our little family together and came out just fine.Hope this is some encouragement for you. I know how I felt when things came apart. My kids were my strenght when things got tough.
Because of them I found ways to pick myself up and carry on.
2007-03-11 15:05:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I can say that i have had an affair and it is the better for me. He was abusive for 16 yrs. Now the man I am with is soo sweet and treats me like a queen. My friends or I should say the ones who knew the both of us are glad that I finally opened my eyes and got a good man.
2007-03-11 15:57:11 · answer #5 · answered by lz_adam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's the good news: Any woman who could walk out on a good husband and her children is not worth it. The key is, don't let her come back, she will do it again and again. I had a family member whose wife repeatedly walked out on him and the kids. It broke his heart again and again, and confused his kids. The kids are all adults now over 35 and none have had successful relationships and only one has managed to be a good parent.
You are a good dad and you will get through this with your children. Someday you will meet a woman who will love you and your boys. She will be deserving of your love. Just give yourself time to heal. Take comfort in your children, you are not alone as long as you have them in your life.
2007-03-11 14:03:13 · answer #6 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just like men, women have needs and if they feel that their not getting them fulfilled at home we're going to look else where. Women need alot of attention most of the time. They want to know their the apple of their mans eye. If they don't feel their doing anything right or their not feeling their getting enough attention as they need their going to stray. This other guy may be just temporary but they may be hitting it off great. She probably felt that you didn't contribute enough time to the kids as well and felt she was doing it all and that's why she let you keep them. So you could get the point she's trying to make. Still it's not a good reason to leave and to leave the kids like that. If you still love her go after her and start listening to her and to her needs. Try helping her more around the house and with the kids. But spend enough time with just her so she feels important to you.
2007-03-11 14:04:14 · answer #7 · answered by Countrygirl 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Women had relationships,not affairs, that is why she moved. she wasnt just cheating, she fell in love. You are the only one that knows if she tried hard ot not,before leaving you. But on regards of the kids, she has no excuses,but she will regret it and that would be enough pain !
2007-03-11 14:09:06 · answer #8 · answered by confuse06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have three boys, I didn't have an affair but I left and yes it was worth it.
2007-03-11 14:05:53 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on my friend and don't look back.
She's gone and the chances of her coming back are not good even if she leave other guy.
You need to collect child support from her, because it's not fair for children to go without because there mom is getting her freak on.
MOVE ON YOUR ONLY DELAYING YOUR HEALING FROM BEGINNING!
2007-03-11 13:59:44 · answer #10 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋