Why have I been unable to make close friends? How long does it take to make a close friend?

Question

Age Group: 30-40's.

Answer 1

Yes, friendship is such a delicate thing, isn't it?

I've found after all these years that in order to have friends I have to put myself out as being genuine, honest, understanding and capable of being trusted.

I also have to be up-front about what my own personal "limits" are. It's not fair otherwise for potential friends not to know how to avoid overstepping your personal boundaries. Ask they about theirs as well so you know how not to offend them by overstepping.

Still it takes a while even when you're able to show trust to another person. I think I've "wished" several of my friends into being...meaning that I listen intently to what they say (really listen) and act and respond accordingly. Remember what their likes and dislikes are, remember their birthdays and special dates, when buying gifts, don't give what you think they'd like, give what they've said they like. You'd know this because you have been "listening attentively."

Be available. Be mindful of their idiosyncrasies; we all have them. Pay attention to how much "space" they need for themselves, too. Give out your phone number or your email address and make sure you let them know that it's no bother for them at any time to get a quick response from you...an honest one.

If each of us have but a small handful of friends, I think we can count ourselves lucky.

Those folks who claim to have dozens of friends may not have a very high criteria and have, instead, a large following of "acquaintances."

A friend is someone who accepts you as you are, warts and all. Can you be this to them even if they can't be to you? It's rather like walking a tightrope sometimes, but worthwhile not to be judgmental of them.

Keep an eye out for their physical well-being, too. If they have some less than healthy habits, try to show them by example what a healthier way is. You may have to put yourself out if they get in trouble. Be there to listen and if you happen to see some troubling behavior, assure them that you'll still be their friend, no matter what. . .You don't have to follow in their footsteps so keep listening to your own moral compass. They may be relying on your for your good common sense.

You need to exude your warmth and empathy towards them.

It may take you making the first move in many instances or keeping an open-heartedness towards someone you think you'd enjoy having a special closeness with as a friend.

I love making new friends; it's more fun than anything else I can think of.

You're always welcome.
Hope this helps.

Answer 2

when posting, please include age group. I am a retired school teacher of various age groups and often can offer a lot of advice, but I don't want to give a 16 year old, advice for a 10 year old, Can you go back and add details that might generate more answer s?

Answer 3

not long but ill be friend