Married, no kisses...?

Question

I don't know what to do anymore. My husband won't kiss me, more than a VERY quick peck on the lips...and it's rare. He says it's because I smoke. (I did not smoke for much of my marriage.) I'd believe it, but he won't kiss me longer or more deeply even if I've abstained for few hours and use breath freshener after brushing my teeth. He hardly ever holds my hand. He never puts his arm around me in public, and very seldom does it in private. We don't have sex and he doesn't even really notice when I'm naked. In 18 years of marriage, I think he has given me oral twice. And those times were brief. He doesn't easily get erections anymore. He is 44 years old and claims he's "old" now and that's why he's not interested. I'm 38 and I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life like this. Please don't tell me to get counseling, or to tell him to see a physician. He tried it once several years ago and i think the dr made him self-conscious so he won't go back. Any ideas?

Answer 1

first, stop smoking ! immediately ! you have no choice as this is a huge put-off for a man !

to 'seduce' a man is not just get naked, you may not know that half or partially nude is much more seducing than fully naked for almost all men ! simply because if they can't see all then they would imagine n fantasize hence wanted to see more n more n being turn-on at the same time !

you have to communicate more often with him, tell him what you like, let him know the past experience with him were so sweet n you wish to feels those moment again n share with him ! tell him in a romantic situation n nice ambient that how lovely n manly he once was !

change the way you dress, the bedroom setting, the light etc n all those you can think of to attracts his attention toward you !

if he stop giving you oral then why not you do it on him ! but that smoke must stop !

share with him some romantic movies[ with sex scene include but not porn] during resting hour at home, throw in some wine or beer n some good food prepared by you would be nice !

All the best !

Answer 2

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Eliminating counseling and medical options does rather limit what you can do, but I can understand how it would make your husband self-conscious.
Obviously your smoking is a huge turn-off to him, and as someone who dated smokers when I was younger, I can totally sympathize. He has mentioned that this is something that he doesn't like; take this into consideration. Even after a few hours of not smoking, and even after breath freshener, it is still in your clothes and even in your skin.
Also, when people get older, it does affect their drive, and sometimes women don't feel that affect at the same point in their lives.
Also, stress within other areas of the relationship, or other areas of life can cause a decrease in drive -- look at the rest of your life, see what improvements you can make there -- including the smoking. Face it, it's bad for you anyways.

Answer 3

hes too young not to have sexual feelings maybe he needs viagra and his iron could be real low i heard that can have affects i don't know what to say about smoking i don't do it either but a smokers mouth wash might help or chewing gum I'm trying to help but might not be helping