i really want a baby!?

Question

I am 23 and my fiance is 37 and we have been together for alittle over 3 years. We recently got engaged and all i have been thinking about is having a baby.My fiance says now is not the right time because we have lots of bills and were not too good with our money and paying bills on time. I am just finishing up college and getting myself into a good career,doing everything i can to better our situation while he is not,which really upsets me. He wants to wait till after we get married,but he is making no effort to even start planning for a wedding,and wants to get married late next year. Is it selfish of me that i dont want to wait that long and i want to start trying maybe at the end of this year?

Answer 1

no it's not selfish, but is it practical

Answer 2

You will never be ready for a baby until it happens.- It is wonderful, beautiful and a fun experience I would never trade for later (I'm a married 26 yo with a 1 year old and a great career with huge student loans!) It's lots of work, but you also probably have heard this from your mother, coworkers, friends and other strangers.

You need to make sure that the man you are going to marry feels that same way about what you both want. You have only been together 3 years and hopefully, have many more years together. Besides, one step at a time....plan your wedding, honeymoon and maybe your career...(it is so much nicer to know that your on maternity leave and can come back to a career you love! I love going to work and coming home now in a different light.)

Having a child puts a huge strain on a relationship, even if it's so fine tuned a note isn't off. My husband and I have been together 10 years, we can make it through everything and anything, but this has definitely put some stress in there. It's hard and difficult at times, but is manageable. My point is get to know your future husband. The saying goes like this: First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Come Your Baby In The Baby Carriage....good luck! (and future babies when the time is right!)

Answer 3

I t sounds like you may have some issues in your relationship that need to be resolved before you consider having a baby. It is an emence amount of work and if your husband is dragging his feet on the wedding then you should probably resolve that first, also it will be difficult to finish school and then try to find a job where you will have to tell your potencial employer that you may be taking maternity leave within the the next 9 months. I don't think you are selfish, I admire your passion to want to have a child, and I would bet you make a great mom but now might not be the right time for you to have a baby. My fiance and I just had a baby ( welcomed but not planned) she is 14 years younger than me as well but fortunately for us we have already completed college and are well established in our careers, we take turns getting up with the baby, I do most of cooking / cleaning while the baby hangs off her hip ( sometimes I have to feed her dinner while she feeds the baby ) if we were not together on these issues it would be very difficult if not impossible.Take care , I wish the very best for you and your family.

Answer 4

It isn't selfish at all for you to want to have a baby, it is just what you want and feel. You have been together for 3 years, you both know what to expect from each other now. I would suggest you get marriage counseling before you get married, you need to resolve this and make sure you have any other problems talked about before you marry.

I do think in your situation with knowing him for that long and you getting a job that making you wait is pretty selfish of him...but you do not want to have one without him agreeing, married or not. It will just poison your relationship and make raising your baby very difficult.

Every couple has trouble deciding they have enough money and a good enough job to have a child...I would think once you can find a good job and have figured out a way to pay for your finances with you pregnant, your fiance is out of arguments. Put down on paper how you could pay for it, and how it would work...that ought to help him see that it is possible. If you wait for the perfect time or the perfect financial situation, you will never have a baby.

Answer 5

First comes love, then comes marriage then comes baby in the baby carriage. Have you ever heard that little poem? Well, it should be in that order. Why don't you wait till you get married before you think of getting pregnant. Also I would start trying to pay off your bills and try to be better with your finances. Otherwise, you will be in a financial hole for years. What I would tell your fiance, is that you want to set a date for getting married and you want it to be soon. If you feel you don't have the money for a huge wedding, then I would just have a lovely church wedding, with a very small reception maybe in a restaurant or a small reception hall, or if summer, just in someone's backyard. Decide what kind of wedding you want and then get wedding plans in order and once you are married, then start trying to get pregnant right away. That is the way it should be done. Best of Luck to you.

Answer 6

It is selfish of you to intentionally bring a child into the world that you can't provide for. You have said you're just finishing college, you don't have a career yet or financial stability. You have said that you and your boyfriend are not good at paying your bills on time, a baby won't wait for diapers and other necessities. Why can't you wait until you are able to provide for a child before you have one. Being a mother means putting your children first so try looking at it from your future child's point of view, will the baby have everything it needs? It's never a good idea to have a child with someone who doesn't want one and right now your boyfriend doesn't want one. You are only 23, there is lots of time to have a baby.

Answer 7

I know you want this answer to be what you want to hear, but it's not going to be. You're only 23. Even though you might think you're old, you have so much time. Make sure it's for all the right reasons. Does he have a good job? Able to support you and a baby? These things are so important. You CAN'T CHANGE a man. He is what he is.... believe you me. I've had many a boyfriend. Just take a breather. You have plenty of time to have a child. It's sooooo much work. Know anyone that has any children? Tell them you'll take one for 2 evenings and see how it goes. It's 24/7 a week job. By the way....what is a 37 year old doing with a 23 year old??? That boggles my mind. Your so young honey. Don't make mistakes. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

It is never the right time to start a family if both you and your fiance are not in agreement about it. Having children is a wonderful and life changing experience. But it doesn't sound like you should start a family with a man whom you are not even sure is serious about a wedding much less a baby. Having a baby is a huge financial undertaking and if the 2 of you do not have the money to survive yourselves then you should wait. You want your baby to have all the best you can give it so wait until you can provide for it.

Answer 9

I'm glad that you are getting your education so that you can have a stable career. I think that you should concentrate on finishing college, getting your career started and stabilized. Pay your bills. Get married and give yourself at least a minimum of 3 years before you have children. Once you have a child things change dramatically. You both need to learn how to be together as a married couple first. I'm going to be very honest. Save money, and make sure you can pay all your bills. The reason I'm telling you this is because children besides needing a stable home, love, they need medical attention. Getting their immunizations, their well baby care visits, their sick visits, diapers, formula, wipes, clothing and bedding. Your hormones will change and you will change. Because you will want the best for your child. You will want to make sure you have money set aside for any emergencies. You won't want to be without for your child. If your fiance is showing now that he is taking his time, make sure things are right with him before you choose him as the father of your children. Please at least sit down and truly think about it long enough before you make a decision. Children are beautiful, it's a lot of work being a mother which is a 24/7 job. It is THE hardest job on earth. You owe it to yourself and your future children to be financially and emotionally ready. Good luck. I wish you the very best.

Answer 10

You said you just finished up college and getting yourself a good career, yet you want to have a baby?....If I were you I would get my career on track first. As much as you want a baby, they do cost a lot of money to raise which would only complicate your financial situation more. You want the very best for your baby dont you? How can you provide everything you want for the baby if you are in debt, you obviously wont have a job, and you have said that both of you are not very good at paying your bills on time. Of course you want a baby, but everything is a bit too messy now to even contemplate such a huge responsibility. Your fiance isnt ready for a child either, so if you go behind his back and deliberately get pregnant, you could do a lot of damage to the relationship. It seems to me that your financial situation needs to be addressed before thinking about getting married and more so, about bringing a baby into the world.

You are thinking on a totally emotional level...neither of you are in a financial situation to care for a baby's needs properly. Think about the baby and what kind of life he/she would have? Both of you have to sit down and get a bit of order in youre lives...you have to get this financial problem under control...then have enough money left, without leaving yourselves short to get married....marriage is very costly too. Then when you have an ordered life, then think about brining a child into this world.

I do wish you all the best, but you really are not thinking very realistically about a lot of things....especially bringing a baby into the world when it seems you dont have a great relationship with your fiance in the first place....there are too many negatives in your relationship and your situation to even think about bringing a child into this world right now. Re-think your situation from a logical viewpoint and maybe you will have a better chance at doing what is right for all concerned...especially a baby.

Answer 11

You are still very young and don't need to rush into having children. To provide the best situation for your child, you should wait until you are finished with college and have a job. This will make the finances better which will help your stress levels and make it easier to buy what is needed for the baby.

I also believe raising a child is a difficult thing. My mom raised me on her own and I know how much of a struggle it was for her. I think it's a good idea to get married and settle down before you start having children.