how to get a man to open up?

Question

my bf always misunderstands me and he hold everything inside till he becomes explosive I want him to be open and ask me for help if he needs to or get things off his mind by sharing with me. what should I do to help him communicate?

Answer 1

most men don't communicate the way women do..........good luck trying though

Answer 2

You need to set aside a specific time just for talking. Make sure there aren't any distractions such as a restaurant, club, TV, etc. It should also be neutral ground, not your place or his, and not in the car. It has to be face-to-face, not sitting side-by-side. Believe it or not, a quiet picnic is a good setting, or by a lake or pond, somewhere that is quiet and soothing.

Bring along an activity that doesn't require a lot of thought just to give you both something to do while you talk. I once brought a bag of apples and 2 paring knives, and we tried peeling the apples so that the peel was in one long strip. Once we did it, we then kept trying to do it so the the strip was thinner and thinner. Another idea, take a bag of 'Jelly Bellies' jelly beans, and seperate them into piles of all the same flavor, then try different combination to see if they taste good, neutral or bad. All your doing is 'messing' with something while you talk.

Next, you need to have 3-5 specific topics that you can discuss. Don't expect a guy to open up and 'spill his guts' all in one session. By having 3-5 things to talk about, both you and he, (you have to open up to him as much as he has to open up to you, so it's a two-way street). Try and make the topics related rather than a lot of different things. Keep the topic you are talking about in focus, so you don't stray all over, or ramble about other stuff, although once the conversation is flowing, rambling can lead to more discoveries.

Topic: Your work/his work. This isn't what your really looking to get him to open up about, but it's a good ice breaker, and a way to get a comfortable converation going.

1. What do you like about your work?
2. What about your work don't you like?
3. If you could have any job, what would it be?
4. What do you think you would like about your dream job?
5. What do you think are the parts of the dream job that would suck?

1. Who are, and have been, your three best friends?
2. What did you like about them?
3. Did they all have something the same about them that you liked?
4. How were they different from each other?
5. If you could take something from each of them, and build a friend, what quality from each would you take, and why?
6. Did you ever have serious conversations with them?
7. What about?
8. Can you remeber a time when they were 'REALLY THERE FOR YOU'? (you know what I mean). What happened and why did talking to them help?

These are just suggestions. The best way to pick topics is to identify one or two things you want to know about your bf, and then write 5-6 non-threatening questions for discussion. Keep in mind that this is not a test. Each question should be discussed by itself, and once he answers, it's then your turn to share.

Do this exercise with some easy, non threatening topics and each time he'll feel more comfortable, (and he'll be learning about you also). The more you do this, the more you both will look forward to these quiet times for talking, and the more comfortable he will feel about opening up to you. This is all about trust and building trust takes time.

Here is the last thing, and I saved it for last because it's the most IMPORTANT !!!. What ever is talked about, discussed, said, or told, remains a lifelong SECRET. You don't talk to your girlfriends about 'ANYTHING that was discussed, no matter how minor or trivial it may seem to you. (It may be a big thing to him). If you do, and sometime later it slips out from one of your friends, the whole trust thing is gone and you blew it. Once he knows that anything he tells you will forever be locked away, or only discussed between you and him, that's when he opens his heart and lets you in.

Answer 3

Guys can sure be frustrating this way. About the best you can do is to make sure, as gently as you can, that he knows you like to talk and for HIM to talk (then you do most of the listening), and reward him for his openness by giving him something he likes a LOT. Tell him how much it turns you on when he talks about what he's thinking because he has such a deep mind. (We guys LOVE to hear that, and no matter how silly you think it sounds, we never see through it, ha ha.) But check his mood carefully before you start any of this. If he's "in his cave," as they say in the Mars/Venus books, he's not ready to share no matter what you do. Read up on it. A soft and fuzzy reward should get him to talk to you regularly. I'm optimistic it will. Good luck, and enjoy!

Answer 4

I'm very much the same type of person as your bf. Get him in a happy mood and then ask if anything troubling him, anything he would like to have done, or anything he would have changed if you could replay the last week. And tell him the things that are annoying (have annoyed) you as well. The crucial thing is to bring up the subject when you can have a laugh about it rather than making an issue of it.

Answer 5

most guys dont do this..talk about their feelings, thoughts or emotions until they have gone too far lets say..become abusive to some degree or become an alcholic or drug addict. plaind and simple...he has some deep emotional issues..he must get some professional help regardles his age and nobody can "make " him do that..and you must move on. you cannot change a guy or people in any way. they have to do it themselves..that is want to change and or open up with their feelings and emotions...if you think not, you will eventually find out and I hope it will not be when he finally hits you ... be careful with this type of person...seriously.
if you dont know his deep past and what his family history is, you may want to find out by asking him some questions; IF he'll answer them...I assume he wont...but , if he does, then you may find out some of the problem why he wont open up...again, most guys dont open up, especially to their gf's
good luck

Answer 6

Great question...but one that should never be asked by a woman.

Young lady, break off your relationship. You cannot mold a man to be what he is not, and this gentleman is not for you.

When a man is for you, he will be in orbit around you, keeping no secrets, and giving, (not offering) you the world.

Find a man who admires you.

No one should have to pry for communication from a friend, mate or spouse.

If you are not compatible, leave.

Time is precious...so are you.

LEAVE.

Answer 7

I suggest you try talking to him and also seek couples counseling and ask him to go with you. Communication does not always come easy for everyone so he may need classes or help to learn how to do so. Good luck.

Answer 8

If you are really willing to hang in there with someone like that, you need to make sure that you provide an environment that he feels safe in. Let him talk, don't butt in and don't give advice immediately. Just let him vent and over the next few days have moments (just moments) where you suggest something.

But it takes a lot of time and emotional drain to deal with someone who is wired this way. Good luck.

Answer 9

that is nobody to plan a long-term relationship with. why endure that for more than one day. once you know how he is, show him the door. if you are living with him, bag it up and tip out of that mess. you can make it without him or anybody. set yourself free girl!

Answer 10

leave e'm alone...there's that sayin: "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't mak'em drink..." oh, and I suppose as long as he ain't "exploding" all over you, he'll come around...keep the lines of commo open, he might just pickup one day...and tell ya what's been on his mind only to find out it's just been one really long bad hair day...

Answer 11

honestly i don't know, but i think he is doing good by keeping things inside, thats what men do, i know that i am not going to open up to anyone anymore, its not worth it