i am 19 years old and have just found out im pregnant i need help?

Question

i just took a pregnancy test and found out im pregnant so i did another two to just make sure and guess what positive . i never expected this would actually happen. im 19yrs old and scared to death. i am in my 3rd yr at uni and im not in a proper relationship with the father we have a complicated relationship. he does not want the child due to us not being together and he is finacialy unstable and at first i said exactly the same thing. however now that it has started to sink in i am and soo confused. i am not sure if i could just terminate my pregnancy like that i know it will be stressful and i am going to be effected by it but i dont know if i should just accept my responsiblities and have this child. im smack bang in the middle changing my mind every 2 minutes. i have my first appoinment with the doctor tomorrow does anyone have adivise on what i should do, or has anyone been in a situation like mine and what did u do and how do u feel now? any advise would be appreciated.

just read all the comments u guys reply fast thank u . i should of added this but too much to say - the father is really suportive although he wants an abortion he said it was my desicion and he will support me any way. he is a good guy. ( not sticking up 4 him ) also i couldn't have it and then give it away that would be the worst thing ever. i would never live with myself. oh another thing i live in the uk
thanks all

Answer 1

It is up to you as yo what you want. You can't worry about what he wants as you can only worry what is best for you. Have you thought all this through like once you have a baby, that is it your life will be put on hold. Can you afford to feed another mouth? Do you work? Do you live on your own?

If you want it then have it and do the best you can but make sure you get child support from him because if he wasn't wanting kids then he would have been using condoms and making sure you were on birth control.

Answer 2

Wow, i can soo relate to your story. I first got pregnant about a year and a half ago with my boyfriend of only 3 months at the time. When I told him his first response was "abort! abort!" and he pretty much freaked out. I didn't know if he would stay with me if I had the baby, my parents were 100% financially supporting me and I didn't think I could make enough money myself to work, go to school, and raise a child alone, and I just didn't feel ready. None the less, I did have an abortion. I can't quite say I regret it totally, but it to this day it really does hurt in my heart that I lost my first baby. For the next year my relationship with my boyfriend really suffered. I came home from the doctor crying and just so sad, and it made me even more sad that I didn't think he cared or felt anything - it took him 8 months to finally open up and let out how much he was hurting too about the loss. After a lot of work, our relationship got really strengthened and I can now say that I do want to marry this man and I know he will be there for me no matter what. We decided to try for a baby again and I am now 16 weeks pregnant. So far everything has been great - other than the typical pregancy symptoms. I was still completely afraid to tell the parents that I am pregnant (never told them about the abortion) since I like you am 19 and a college junior and they are soo conservative and somewhat religious. To my surprise, they were in shock for a day or two (never yelled) and they decided to offer to continue paying my half of the bills so I could finish my school and not have to get a job, and have been soo supportive throughout this all. This coming fall I will be taking all my classes online as the baby is due aug 29, and will finish my degree just one semester behind schedule. My boyfriend has since gotten a job which more than covers about 80% of the expenses anyways. I honestly would say that given your situation (being so close to gradutation) that everything will be ok. Your parents may really surprise you with how they handle the news. If you need to there are a lot of resources you can utilize - such as WIC, and you will likely qualify for more resources on next years FAFSA so that will also be helpful. It will be alright girl - speaking from experience I would *personally recommend* (for what it's worth) that you have the baby. Also being a student at a university they often have much cheaper childcare than standard childcare centers. Everything will be ok.

Answer 3

You seem uncertain that your boyfriend is "the one" Don't ignore those feelings. Hastening into a marriage based on a pregnancy is almost always a mistake. Consider all your safe and legal options. There is no shame in giving the child up for adoption if you are not ready. I would say that is the most courageous decisions you could make under the circumstances. Abortion could be an option, but don't underestimate the lingering remorse. I have known many women who have had them-not one without an emotional scar. If you keep the baby, then try to stay close with your parents, if they are good people they will help support you.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

First of all, the father has no say in whether you decide to have the baby or not. The only responsibility that he will have will be child support payments if you decide to have the baby (and don't let him off the hook).

You only have so long to decide if you want to terminate the pregnancy. Ask to talk to a consular and get information on how the termination is done along with information on consoling if you need it after.

But most of all, talk to your parents. This is not a decision that you should be making alone. My sister had her baby at 19, unmarried, in college and the father didn't want the child. She told Mom and guess what. She wasn't disowned, throw out of the house, cut off etc. Mom did what she could to help her through a very difficult time. Your parents only want what is best for you and they will be your support system. Just give them a chance.

Answer 5

Hi there it was 2 months before my 18th bday when I found out I was pregnant. my boyfriend immediately told me to have an abortion and I almost did. But i changed my mind and decided to go through with the pregnancy . at 18 weeks i went for a scan and saw a beautiful baby girl all curled up inside me sucking her thumb and tears flowed. I couldn't believe I had ever thought of terminating (just 10 weeks ago). I believe everything happens for a reason, my boyfriend and i are closer than ever and riding the rollercoaster together. I am 31 weeks now and still studying so my baby can have a future. Trust me it can be done! I couldnt imagine my life being any different than it is right now. Hope this helps and remember its ok to be scared just remember it will all work out fine

Answer 6

Is it even legal for you to abort in the UK? Don't two doctors have to say that keeping the pregnancy would be a danger to your physical/mental health?

Anyway, you should first familiarize yourself with the UK's abortion laws, so you know what time frame you're working with. You need to think, really long and hard, about what you want to do. You can keep the pregnancy, but that's really difficult and all sorts of jazz that I'm sure you already know. You can give the baby up for adoption (I, personally, am morally opposed to this option, but I'm not the one who's pregnant here). You can have an abortion (I personally think that this is your best course of action, all things considered).

You need to think about this. Talk to your doctor about your options; he/she will know more than anyone here. Don't let other people try to tell you what you HAVE to do, because this is your choice. Don't listen to anyone who tries to be abusive, or who tries to lie to you. Good luck.

Answer 7

The only advice I can give you is to consider all of your options very carefully. Research everything and maybe even talk to your local Planned Parenthood. Whatever decision you make you need to be as sure as possible that you can live with it for the rest of your life. I will not tell you to have an abortion, keep the baby, or even to give it up for adoption, because that is not my place. Many young mothers go on to be very successful and some do not. I believe it has a great deal to do with your support system. If you have a good one in place I believe you can make it. Sounds like the b/f may not be along for the ride, but if you keep the baby he may change his mind. Normally, I would say you should come to this decision together, but seeing as the relationship is rocky I think you should approach this situation with the mindset of a single mother. Take your time with this and talk it over with someone you can trust and who will not judge you or inflict their opinions on you. Just please become educated on every aspect before you make your decision. Best of luck to you and I hope everything works out for you in the end. BTW do not take to heart the rude things people will say to you on this subject and do not listen to the ones who preach, they are not truly thinking of you. Take care.

Answer 8

One of the best things you can do for yourself and the baby is to take a deep breath and remain as calm as possible. I'm currently "freaking out" myself for a different pregnancy/stomach tumour scenario. However, I'm trying to remain calm because if I am pregnant, I don't want to cause added stress to the baby.
19 is young, but not so young that you will not be able to live a full and happy life with a child. It will be difficult, but you CAN finish school and you'll love how much you grow as an individual. Oh, and being a mother is the most amazing thing in the world. I wouldn't change it for anything!

Answer 9

I understand how you are feeling it is very scarry being pregnant and not having the father in your life. I would not and could not have an abortion only because they wait till that child has a heartbeat already before doing it they do that though because until then it is not large enough for them to see on ultrasound. If you don't want to keep the child then please put it up for adoptoin there are so many ways of doing it now that you can do an open adoption where you are apart of that childs life still and you can pick from aplicants that you feel would give this child a good home. But please don't kill that life that is growing inside of you and who knows maybe once you are over the shock you will become excited and will not be so confused. Good Luck Really

Answer 10

All i can say is that what ever you chose you will have to live and deal with it forever. Having a child has been the best and most trying thing that i have ever done. I do feel that adoption is also something that you may want to consider. Having a child that will not be loved and only resented is not a good idea. I really hope that you are able to make this choice for what you want out of life
GOOD LUCK