Tricks to stay cool? My ex threatens me.?

Question

How can I stay cool while my ex threatens me (by phone or sms) that he will use all his energy, money (he has plenty) and power (bi fish guy) to take away our 2 yrs old boy from me? He was never there, and after a lot of misery I left. Now he is bombing me with expensive laywers and keep on threaten me from a distance.
All details in my other questions.
I am scared to death of this man, but need to continue my day by day life; Build it up from less than zero.
Some tricks and tips please;

Thanks.

I have a laywer, 1 in Belgium and 1 in Spain. On their advice I disappeared to a friends house for few days. But cannot continue doing so.

Answer 1

remember that you cannot change him- you can only change how you react.
I have been thru this before and this is how I handled it.
1. keep a log of when he calls and what the conversation was about ( buy a specific notebook and carry it to every place you go )
2. if he gives you money log how much and if it was cash, check etc. ( this is for when you do get to court and he claims he has paid for everything and you have contributed nothing. When you have a log of each transaction the judge will give you more merit )
3. NEVER MEET with him alone- always take a friend
4. Log when he sees the kids-( each hour counts and believe me he will claim that he was mad at you because you refused to let him see his kids when you get to court )
5. if you can get a restraining order for verbal/ physical abuse then please get one - it will actually do very little good other than show the judge that you were trying to protect yourself- but it is part of the paper trail you need to create in order to show the judge you are serious in getting away from this man
6. DO NOT bad mouth him in front of the kids- they will see enough on their own
7. DO NOT make excuses for his behaviour to the kids just explain that sometimes adults act in inappropriate ways when they are angry and help them that way
8. Each nite take a bath or a long shower so you can have some alone time to clear your head ( yes this does help )
9. As humilating as it may seem tell your friends what is happening - they will have all kinds of advice- some good some bad but it is worth the extra support for the one friend that will actually listen and be there for you
10. there are all kinds of self help books on building your self esteem and some specifically geared toward leaving an abuser- try your local library if you cannot afford to buy- get one and USE IT- your mental state needs nurishment right now
11. explain to your kids teachers/ principal what is going on and write a letter to be put in their file that you are to be contacted IMMEDIATELY if he shows up to get them from school- if the laws allow where you live have him taken off as a person allowed to pick them up ( some don't allow this when you are still married )
12. get a trusted friend and write out specific details of how you were treated ( mentally and physically ) and explain that if something happens to you why it should be taken to the police ( YES this seems harsh but this could escalate quickly )

13. DO NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER from the police when you are not taken seriously. I was turned away for years because the cops had the attitude that I asked for it or I liked it. MAKE THEM HELP YOU- it is their job.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Maybe you cannot continue staying at your friend's house. But the best tip is to keep in constant contact with your lawyers and do exactly what they say. Ask them every question you can think of because ultimately, whatever he does, he will have to defend legally. Get permission to have your phone calls recorded and when he threatens you, have it there on tape (get a phone machine that has a cassette tape). Keep close watch on your child and don't leave him with anyone who doesn't know this whole story.
He will scare you because you are able to be scared - be strong, know your rights, have your closest friends support you morally and emotionally and he doesn't have much power. As I said, he has to be able to legally do what he says he wants to do.
Live a life above reproach. Don't think that you can get away with anything - and that a judge would be sympathetic because you're a better person than your creepy husband. The only thing that matters is the law and what can be produced in court.
If you can learn to live thinking like this, I think you can relax. He will always be a jerk, I'm sorry to say.
Be a good mother, have plenty of proof of that. Don't get drunk, do drugs, get wild even for one night.
Let your parents help you too.

Answer 3

Stop taking his calls. Let the answering machine pick up and screen out his calls. That way, if he's just calling to harass you, you will have a record of the calls, the time they came in, and what was said. You can use this in court later, or to file a restraining order, if his threats ever turn violent. Every time you do answer the phone, do it with a smile on your face. He'll hear it in your voice. And every time you don't react to him, it'll take the wind right out of his sails. Only talk to him as long as he's civil. Once he is rude or disrespectful, tell him, "this conversation is over" and gently hang up the phone.
When he's really being a jerk, yelling and such, just picture him straining on the toilet. lol. I know it sounds gross, but there's no way to be afraid of a person who's sitting with his pants around his ankles, trying to do his business.

See a therapist to get some techniques on how to deal with stress. St. John's Wort is a natural stress reliever. You need to take it in larger doses than the bottle recommends, but it DOES work.

And most of all, just love on your son. He's the one that you're doing all this for, so when his father acts like a poofter, just look at that little boy and remember why it's all worth it.

You can do it. Good luck. :)

Answer 4

First of all you need to get your self a lawyer too i know that you may not be Abel to afford one but research you will find one that will take the case just because of the special effects ur ex is a psycho and you need to never be alone so like this you have proof the he is threaten you trust me if he has the money and the power like you say is his word agets yours please get some legal advice next time he is bothering you cal the police like this you have more proof, girl I'll keep you in my prayers and good luck

Answer 5

You need to first contact the police wiht the proof that he is doing this to you. Get a restraining order. Contact DSS and let them know that he is a danger to you and your child. RECORD EVERYTHING. It's cheap and easy. Don't feed into him either the more of a reaction he gets the more he will taunt and provoke. You are the strong one you took the first step to get away. Now it is your job to protect yourself and your child. Get the authorities involved and find a support system he doesn't know about (family friends) Change your number and only give your attorney and your trusted friends the number. You don't have to deal with him. This is a legal issue now. He is just furious because he can't control you anymore.

Answer 6

You need 2 find an attorney that will help you with this guy. A restraining order is good because he cant come near you. Well dont be afraid be strong for your son dont put him in harm. Just find out a way to keep him away 4rm you. Try going to your parents house, change your number, maybe your name. Im sorry but thats all i can do.

Answer 7

well keep a record of all the calls and sms he sends u u should be able to record the voice calls he makes to u on your mobile fone this will help u when it goes to court
best thing when u feel like he is getting to u is to tell him all the great things u n your boy do together tell him how normal your life is without him and how u both enjoy that he is not there any more this will get to him way more than u would think
good luck and dont stress

Answer 8

no tricks, if ur that afraid of him, see about a restraing order, that might back him off for awhile, or if ur just such a great mom, ask for a divorce, no ?'s and let hin have monitored visitations with ur son, there's got to be a way, u shouldn't have to live in fear, some one out there will be able to help if ur not getting any sound advice from ur lawyers, maybe u need to find another, that will have ur best interests in mind...good luck sure hope this chat will help u

Answer 9

You need to get an attorney asap and start fighting back and fighting to keep your son. Since he was never there this is a good thing to tell a lawyer and to take to court. Let him threaten and you start to build your defense and fight back. The best trick and tip is to get a lawyer and start building a case against him to fight for and keep your son.

Answer 10

I don't know if there is a way to stay cool while this is all hapening. The only advice is to just think of that child. Take all the advice from elders family and layers. That's a very hard situation to be in all my best wishes to you and you child. good luck.